OH moaning about Mum staying with us

[namechanged777]

He's just gone back to work and I'm not healed from my c section still in pain nearly three weeks later.

So my mum offered to stay this week and I love having her here to help I have DS who is 2 and a handful I wouldn't be able to manage on my own.

He's moaning that when he comes back from work he can't relax and she talks to much. I don't know what I'm supposed to do I enjoy my mums company and love having her here and honestly feel like telling him to eff off!

Perhaps he needs a timeline? Tell him your mum is staying til x date to help you settle in with a newborn and toddler

Alternatively just get into the swing yourself and get your home and family settled as the new 4 of you

I think both myself and my husband would have struggled with either his or my mum there for so long to be honest . It is tough after birth particularly a section but you'll have to do it 'alone' at some point

It is ONE week and he should be happy you have so much support. Is he happy to take another week off to help you instead?

He either takes the week off or she stays and he stops whining. Is he always this selfish?

If it’s just a week then he should put up with it. But please don’t start moving her in for a week a month as that wouldn’t be fair, if you wouldn’t want your mother in law there to help. Imagine your husband needed major surgery and moved his Mum in to help. I’m guesding you might have a little moan?

He's moaning that when he comes back from work he can't relax and she talks to much. I don't know what I'm supposed to do OK, you are doing my pet peeve, taking responsibility for "fixing" other people's feelings. You are not supposed to do anything! You can sympathise a bit Yeah, she does talk a lot. I can imagine how you feel. I'd feel the same if it were your mum. Still, it is so nice of her to help me while I'm recovering. I'm ever so grateful. He is a grown man. He is allowed a little whinge now and again. You are allowed to let him resolve his own feelings like a grown up! It is seriously unhealthy to not let each other just get on with feeling a bit down now and then. Stick to making vaguely sympathetic noises instead of trying to fix him. You've got enough to deal with. Congratulations on the new baby.

How long is she planning on staying? How far away does she live? I can see both sides here.

She's only staying until Thursday as he doesn't work Friday or weekends. It's just some extra time for my wound to heal as it's not healing properly.

I told him to have another week of or stop moaning because I can't do it on my own it's impossible. He's just moaning about everything he feels he's at the bottom of the chain no one thinks about him I show him no affection it's like having another child!

Thursday is ok OP. He will just have to put up with her and be thankful you have the support you need right now.

I'm sure the OP would put up with the awkward feeling if the situation were reversed. It doesn't have to be tit for tat like some posters seem to think.

I suggest you just ask him directly, 'what do you want me to do?'

This situation is about supporting you and your children. I do understand about ILs and not being able to relax but in these circs your OH has only to be in this situation for a limited period. If, say, your mother made herself scarce as soon as he came home, would he help out? If not, he has to realise that support for you is support for the family. It’s not about him. Hope you recover soon.

Nip this in the bud...now
My jealous ex put a wedge between me and my father that never recovered

I wish I could go back in time and tell him to FO
don’t let him do this to you and your mum
Ungrateful arse

Could it be that your mum is maybe doing everything/too much? And he's therefore not able to so anything to get your praise or feel valued?
Totally shouldn't be your problem, but maybe he needs a bit of validation that he is loved/appreciated and is taking care of you too?

Are there any jobs he can take sole responsibility for?

Even if its just telling him you are looking forward to the weekend and suggest you watch a film together (at home obvs) one afternoon?

I would avoid treating him like a child in this way. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of it . This is all his responsibility, not yours. Shrug it off. He can deal with his very minor discomfort himself while you concentrate on recovering from major surgery and simultaneously look after 2 small children. I would explicitly tell him this is what you're doing too. You don't have to be mean in tone.