Crap - money for wedding present

[wowfudge]

I hate it when wedding invitations state the couple would like money rather than presents (unless it's a cultural custom) "if you want to give something" because I feel you have to be seen to give a certain amount. Do you think I can ignore this and give a non-monetary gift instead? I've known them a long time and they've been mortgage free for a couple of years now if that makes any difference! Plus we are cash strapped at the moment so it's going to be difficult not to look stingey if we give money . Argh!

maybe you could give a gift experience? that way its not a physical present, but its not cash. you can pick and amount. www.redletterdays.co.uk/giftvouchers?method=navbar

I did wonder about that and I know they're going on a big holiday next year so I wondered about something they can do there?

I fully understand. You can often buy brilliant gifts on offer. I would be tempted to go down the gift route

i would get something for the uk instead. they probably already have stuff planned for the holiday, but its nice to have something to look forward to when the come back x

I don't think it's expected, but there's no point buying them stuff eye will already have. Lots of people do this to put towards a lovely honeymoon. Personally, I'm happy to give them money. I'd give maybe £20 for friends, more for family.

That’s basically because people buy tat that you end up donating to charity. If I thought people would buy tasteful gifts I wouldn’t have suggested the “honeymoon fund”. I do think there’s always room for a tasteful gift though. If you have taste!

I really don't see why people hate giving money. Most couple live together so don't need "stuff". Money can go towards a nice honeymoon. Which is what we did. I also couldn't tell you who gave what at our wedding as I didn't keep track. Some gave £100 others gave £20. That's all I can tell you and we were okay with that. Give what you can afford. Even if its £20. I am sure if you are close friends they will appreciate the gesture.

Yes - that could work. Will have to give it some thought.

Maybe it's old fashioned of me, but I don't like it.

But if you don't want/need "stuff" then why ask for anything (£)? Surely you'd just want your guests to attend?

You see @DBN1, that's what I think. If I was to get married again - I'm divorced - I would be saying "your presence not your presents" end of.

It makes much more sense to give them something they want that something that'll be in the charity shop before the stamp is dry on your thank you letter. It's much ruder to decide that you know what they ought to want better than they do, and to deliberately give a gift that they don't want so you can make a point. I would genuinely rather have had no present than the novelty fruit bowl (already got one we like), decanter (have never decanted anything in the almost 20 years since I left home), photo frames (don't go with any of the other photo frames and are a weird size), but still remember with love the cocktails we bought on honeymoon with the £5 from DH's elderly aunt, the jungle excursion with the money from the Joneses, the picture on the wall with the money from my sister... If you like these people, respect their preference, it's a waste of your money not to.

Exactly OP. If you really want to give something (dependent on £), then maybe an experience gift would be the way to go but, to be honest, I wouldn't bother. A bottle of fizz maybe at a push?

Is it not rude to ask for money as a gift on an invitation Shrubbery?

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery by the fact that they're mortgage free I'd presume that they have most things that they'd like in their home. I haven't been to a UK wedding for donkeys years and the more I read on MN, the more I'm thankful of that. In my wedding guest days the couple had a list somewhere for you to buy/contribute to items, or you stuck some £ in a card and either were perfectly acceptable. Or nothing and that was fine too because.....they just wanted you to be part of their celebration. Sod all this gimme gimme gimme lark!

My most treasured gift from our wedding (Scottish wedding) was a beautiful, delicate hand blown glass thistle. There's absolutely no point to it, it's tiny and of no use at all but oh I do love it so. It's very unique, reminds me of that day and looks pretty. If you can think of something personal that the B&G would treasure, go for that. We didn't want any wedding gifts (10yrs together) but I was thrilled with that.

Or chuck £30 in a card. It's no biggie.

£30 is though if you're cash strapped Cinders

it's rude but it's rude of you to not give them what they've asked for if they say no gifts. don't do a gift experience, most go unused, and they are generally a pain to arrange. just give the value of whatever give you wanted in cash.

I won't go to any wedding where cash is demanded. It's incredibly bad manners and a bride and groom has no right to ask for money at all, or anything else. It is up to the guest to decide what to bring.

We got married yssterday(!) we didnt even mention gifts or money on the invite, we genuinely just wanted people to attend. We were very lucky and some people chose to give money, one family member made us a picture frame, someone gave us afternoon tea, lots of bottles of stuff. My best friend gave me a stone with a really heartfelt message .all was really genuinely appreciated, it was the warmth and love and well wishes that meant so much.

If you're going to buy them an experience it's going to cost more than £30 - just suck it up op. It's not about you it's about them.

Did they demand a cash gift OP as that does seem rude. My DD and DSiL asked for cash but only if you insisted on getting a gift as they would just be happy you came to the wedding. They got a range of nil to £500 in their cards, they thought no worse of anyone and everyone who came got a Thankyou letter irrespective of what they gave.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun Suck it up?? It's not about the gifts, its about the marriage.

@DBN1 the OP was considering an experience day as an alternative. Far more costly to anyone, cash strapped or no. If an experience day is a possibility then £30 seems pretty doable too. And honestly, less hassle than experience days which can be a major hit or a hell of an inconvenience (like us getting tickets for something where we'll have to drive for miles to get to, it'll cost us fuel and time, we never wanted to go in the first place and then there's the added costs of extras, lunch there etc)

I mentioned an experience day as an alternative to cash because a pp had done so. I personally wouldn't bother. I have been gifted experience days and have also done so in the past. They work if you know the recipients interests/likes/dislikes and have a long usage time.