Picked on for being poor!!

[Donthugmeimscared]

My dd is being picked on for us being poor. I really don't know how to make this better. I work as a teaching assistant and I'm trying my best. I split from my ex last year and things are just so hard. I'm locked into an overpriced phone contract for the next year and I have debts from being with my ex which I'm am paying off slowly. My wages cover the rent and council tax and that's it. After that we live off tax credits. I have cut food back to £40 a week for me and 3 children Which leaves us £50 A week for spending money.

I really don't know how to make things better. If i work longer hours I have more child care to pay so end up the same. I feel so awful. I try to give them things but I just don't have it at the moment. Sometimes I feel I should have just stayed with my abusive ex as at least we could afford things. Has anyone else been in this state and does it get better?

In what way is she picked on for being ‘poor’ ?

Is the ExH paying maintenance for the DC, and if not, are you pursuing it through the CMS? And whose debts are they - yours or his? Really you need to get professional advice on the debts.

Whose picking on her? What are they saying? And how on earth do they know what your financial situation is?

So sorry op, that's really horrible. I was bullied at school for being poor, it was only a handful of silly boys in retrospect, but at the time as I was in my teens it really hurt. My mum too was a lone parent and doing her absolute best - and I knew this. Not sure what the answer is, but just to say I hear you and if it's any consolation I have grown up really valuing the important stuff.

What exactly are they doing/saying to her? Are you getting child maintenance? How old is she?

How do the other kids know her circumstances? What doesn’t she have that all the other kids do?

I get £50 a month from their dad as he moved in with his mum and now works part time as he "doesn't need the money". I asked him for help with school shors not to long ago so he transfered me £20 and expected me to be eternally greatful.

She wanted to do the duke of Edinburgh award with her friend and confinded in them that I couldn't afford it and they told the rest of the class. I think that added to the fact she hangs round with the more wealthy kids from her school who live in mansions and own horses. They have noticed she turns down going to nandos for lunch at the weekend and other expensive days out.

I feel so crap that I can't give them more at the moment. I'm really trying. I'm paying my debts off through a charity so I have sorted them out. I ow £3000 so not exactly loads but enough when you don't have it. It's things like school trips for the younger two that wipe me out. Plus the dress up as this bring this in type things. As well as running the car etc. When I was with my ex i was doing 12hr night shifts and doing the school runs so I had alot more than I do now. Even with him not helping money wise.

I know the kids at school would probably pick on her for something else if it wasn't this but I feel I have failed them all.

She's 13. They don't go without food etc just don't have top of the range anything. We don't go out anywhere amazing or go on foreign holidays. Just that kind of stuff really.

Sorry you're in this situation. If she's old enough to do the DofE I'm guessing she's old enough to do a paper round? My 14 yr old goes out for an hour on Sunday and gets £5, its not loads but would give her a bit extra. Just a thought. And you're doing a great job teaching your DD that not everything in life is handed to you on a plate, she has love and support from you and that's what matters most

This makes me so sad. Is there any way she can get a weekend job or do some babysitting to earn a bit of pocket money for herself?

You have £50 a week for spending money i.e after rent, bills and food? That isnt poor im my eyes but I suppose it depends on your perspective. How much does DofE cost?

Sorry this is sh*t for you all. Just to check you are getting council tax reduction for single adult occupancy, and any working tax credits you are entitled to?

No I meant the £50 is for everything else like petrol, shampoo and cleaning things. You know not the things you need all the time. I don't have £50 to blow on whatever we want it usually gets spent on bloody shoes as my youngest destroys his all the time.

Yes we get council tax reduction and tax credits. I am above the limit for housing benefit and don't get school meals. Once this phone contract is up and I sort the debts I'm sure life will be better but for now it's crap.

Is there a bursery at school to help

Isn't she on Pupil Premium? Isn't that the sort of thing the money should be used for? I would ask the school about it, OP.

We don't get pupil premium.

Can you get free school meals which would entitle you to help with school trip costs?

Could she ask her dad for DofE money? Are you getting his money through CMS? If not it might be worth pursuing this anyway to see if you’d get more. What about pupil premium at school?

Sorry cross posted with your updates.

No as I get just over the threshold.

Also speak to school - it’s bullying and shouldn’t Be tolerated

Yes I went through cms as he was adamant he didn't have to pay anything

Oh dear, i was that kid much poorer than my peers because of being in a single parent family, and dad paid no child support. It was grim having to miss out on school trips and socialising with my peers, but as soon as possible I got weekend jobs and that made life a lot better, still couldn’t afford the big things / trips etc but it helped

It's a pity her deadbeat dad wouldn't do more to help her out.
You sound lovely OP.