Picked on for being poor!!

[Donthugmeimscared]

My dd is being picked on for us being poor. I really don't know how to make this better. I work as a teaching assistant and I'm trying my best. I split from my ex last year and things are just so hard. I'm locked into an overpriced phone contract for the next year and I have debts from being with my ex which I'm am paying off slowly. My wages cover the rent and council tax and that's it. After that we live off tax credits. I have cut food back to £40 a week for me and 3 children Which leaves us £50 A week for spending money.

I really don't know how to make things better. If i work longer hours I have more child care to pay so end up the same. I feel so awful. I try to give them things but I just don't have it at the moment. Sometimes I feel I should have just stayed with my abusive ex as at least we could afford things. Has anyone else been in this state and does it get better?

I would still ask the school. If they've got a child who's keen to do something like DoE, then finances should be stopping her from doing it.

Your figures don’t add up tax credits should be £180 a week plus £47 child benefit. Are you sure you are getting the correct amount.

£50 a week between 5 people is sod all bunnybigears.........hell. My son's just cost me £40 on essentials (( new duvet, new socks, a new tshort because he hardly has any and toiletries. He's going to cost me an extra £10 on Friday for a school trip plus £5 spending. Op, im not surprised you feel poor. In your cases I think if the dcs dad can't step up as a man he needs to be helping out with childcare so you can work decent hours.

I can't offer any advice right now but I can sympathise. I was picked on for being poor, my mum worked hard to ensure we got into a good school in a good area but we couldn't keep up with the life style of everyone else. All I can say is that I now look back at those people and feel sorry for them as they're still dependant on their parents financially and I have massive respect for my mum for working so damn hard to help us get a great education.

How old are your other dc OP? When will your childcare costs reduce?

I was that child too... I had a job at a local shop when I was 14 earning £1.75 an hour (I'm now 33yrs old). I worked three evenings a week after school (2.5hr shifts) and every Saturday morning for four hours.
One of my 'friends' told me her mum said it was slave labour to make a child work so she wasn't allowed a job.
I made new/more outgoing friends from other schools at my job, so didn't spend all my time worrying anymore that I couldn't afford to be dressed head to toe (literally) in Adidas or Nike.
I still went to college and uni, and I did a lot better work wise than my friendship group in adulthood.

Your daughter will respect how hard you worked for everything she DOES have. She will probably want to prove herself in life just like you are.

Could you speak to school about costs of trips etc? I'm sure there is a usually a scheme whereby they can access funds to help with costs for families who are struggling.

My heart breaks for both you and your DD. You sound like a great mum and please don’t forget that, the example you set for your children is about so much more than how much stuff they have.

That being said, this happened to me, I was in primary school so more like 10/11 yrs when the bullying started but it was a non uniform school so I stood out as I wore the same clothes every day, sometimes I even had to wear my mums clothes to school. It was truly awful.

Thankfully when I went to secondary school and learned how to wash my own clothes it stopped but I won’t lie and say it hasn’t had a lasting impact on my life / how I value myself.

All you can do is teach her that it’s okay not to have stuff as long as you have people around who love you and also to only be friends with the kind people. It’s a lesson that is hard learned and I am teaching this to my own DD.

Would your daughter consider selling on eBay? Old toys/clothes etc. You could help her to do it at first. You can make quite a bit and would be enough for her to go to Nando’s, etc.

£50 per week is what DP and I have combined after everything. It really doesn't stretch as far as some people think. I don't have any advice, but just wanted to offer some solidarity

Go onto ebay. you can get second item top name things like trainers, clarks school shoes etc which are still in a good condition but a fraction of the cost. you'll be surprised what you can buy. This may help a little with the tricky teenager brand stuff...can she get a paper round to help a little?

You have £50 a week for spending money i.e after rent, bills and food? That isnt poor im my eyes but I suppose it depends on your perspective. How much does DofE cost?

what a horrible reply,op said thats also for petrol £50 is nothing to be left with

Have you had a look on Depop? It's all the rage amoung our DCs and their mates. Loads of nice, branded teenage clothes being sold by over indulged kids who already have a dozen Jack Wills hoodies. We're very lucky that we can afford to treat our DCs sometimes, but they're both canny and would prefer 3 barely worn Jack Wills/UO/Topshop items from Depop, rather than one new item fresh from the shop.

flopsyrabbit1 it was the OP referring to this £50 as spending money which caused my confusion as in my eyes money you need for petrol, toiletries etc isnt spending money as it is already ear marked. Like I say it all depends on perspective as not being able to afford DofE would be a pretty normal thing not to be able to afford for some people and not a marker of being poor.

@PenelopeShitStop my kids love it it's amazing let's me afford a few things as oppose to one

Bunnybigears

Definitely speak to the school- one because it is unpleasant behaviour they may be able to nip in the bud, and two, they may well be able to help with the cost.

I think what is defined as poor is also relative. DD's friend's family really struggles with money and it is more pronounced because we live in a wealthy area - I know at primary school some of the kids were very unkind. There are local charities that will help to pay for school trips etc. But I would speak to the school about how your dd is feeling.

Do her friends parents know you are struggling? I would have no issue forming out for another Nando's if one of my kids friends were unable to come due to finances? Can't you ask her friends round to yours over the weekend and play board games or do something cheaper?

We are not poor but we are not well off. Mysoms class is pretty mixed in terms of wealth but he has a few friends who's parents are pretty well off and one of them says things to my son on a regular basis about how much he has compared to my DS etc. I hear him saying these things over the Xbox, next time I'll say something to the spoilt brat. Sorry OP your situation doesn't sound easy at all, I hope it gets better for you soon.

OP - you could search on Turn2Us for grants. There are often local charities who help with school trips and educational equipment.