Spider experts please help (pic included hopefully)

[Nousernameforme]

I believe what we have here is a case of the lesser spotted Oh fuck, oh holy fuck spider. I would like to know where I can get hold of a spindly legged boi as mumsnet assures me they will gobble up this monstrosity in no time.

I think this guy is mid shed or has eaten a friend or shagged then ate the friend eeek monster babies

3 times i have tried to put the picture on its not working

try again

try again

That's got more legs than a spider has any right to.

Does it have a round abdomen?
There are web (har har) sites that you can look at.
That's how I found out I had a false widow living on my kitchen window.
It's currently in its hole with just 4 legs stuck out.

Um Spiders have 8 legs. I have no idea what that demon is.

my eyes are bad or the pic is blurry.
Fat belly (?) so not one of the skinny ones.

Can you see it in this list?
home.bt.com/lifestyle/house-home/cleaning/10-common-spiders-youll-find-in-a-british-home-11364003665066

Looks like a large house spider to me that has caught another large spider and is dragging it off to eat.

Oh wait. Is there some spider luvin going on?

On the other hand it could be what I call a plughole spider, which I think is a house spider.
That looks like its either an exhibitionist or its having a snack.

What the fucking fuck is that? I mean, spiders are bad enough but that multi-legged abomination needs sorting...

We had something similar outside a couple of weeks ago.

The yellow stuff is what it was sucking out of the other spider- which was huge.

It's a house spider eating another house spider. No big deal, they are cannibals.

It’s a house spider. Large but harmless.

@LuluJakey1 that is a tube web spider. Best not to touch it, they’re quite aggressive and have a nasty bite.

Is it eating or is it shedding it's skin?

Quick update the spider has not moved and everyone including dd who is our resident spider remover is refusing to go within poking distance of it

It’s a Teganaria domestica. Could be a female and male pairing, but it looks like the male has been killed.

Actually, I think it’s a Tegenaria gigantia.

Fuck me - DH had a spider crawling on him last night whilst we were watching tv. I genuinely have panic attacks at this time of year

I just shat out my arsehole in pure shock.

You don’t need a spider catcher you need a priest, that’s a demon

@@LuluJakey1 I had another look and yours might be a snakeback. Related to tube webs but not so nasty.

According to my D's(resident spider expert) it's deffo house spider and it's possibly killed the other spider for infringing its territory(males come in this time of year hunting for females to mate with)
Put glass over pair of them,paper under that and pop them out if sight to get on with whatever
.....

@PristineCondition your comment has made my night! Actually laughed out loud!

I once saw a little yellow ball outside my kitchen window (5th floor big city), I gently breathed on it to see if it was alive.
It was.

A few hundreds of tiny baby cross spiders (?). A couple of hours later they were almost all gone. Some stayed and made lovely webs in front of our back windows. They are messy eaters though and leave their shells (or whatever the term is) behind when they grow, too