Spider experts please help (pic included hopefully)

[Nousernameforme]

I believe what we have here is a case of the lesser spotted Oh fuck, oh holy fuck spider. I would like to know where I can get hold of a spindly legged boi as mumsnet assures me they will gobble up this monstrosity in no time.

I think this guy is mid shed or has eaten a friend or shagged then ate the friend eeek monster babies

Margay Yes, that is what we thought it was when we tried to identify it. I had never heard of them but apparently they are really common.

A snakeback that is, not a tube web.

OP ours didn't move for a day. It just ate the other one- kept it in its grasp and sucked it dry then discarded the husk.

Holy shit I'm not normally too scared of spiders but that'll give me nightmares.

Can you not put a glass over it and slide a card underneath so you can put it and its supper outside?

We had one a few weeks back it was so big you could hear its foot steps on the wall. I called my husband to get out of bed and he shouted out that I could get it out, I shouted back that we needed a shotgun for this mutant. Down came my army veteran husband with one of the kids nerf machine guns and shot at the big bastard sure it bounced off but spider remained. Off he went and came bake with a broom and bucket brushed it off the wall and then spent the journey to the front door fighting the spider as it tried to escape. It was last seen heading off towards next doors.