5 months into '2 under 2' and it's still shit

[Makon]

I have two children separated by about 17 months and it's still not getting any better. For the first few weeks I kept telling myself it would be fine soon: my eldest wouldn't be stuck in front of videos every day, we would eat proper meals three times a day, we would leave the house for at least an hour every day etc. But time has dragged on and on now and I'm still a shit, shit, shit "housebound" mother.

I'm breastfeeding my youngest but she's shit at it (everything medical checked, suspected milk intolerance so I'm dairy free) and she also hates buggies and the car. She tolerates a carrier for around an hour before I have to take her out and carry her. Which is of course not practical with a toddler. She screams as soon as I open the car door and doesn't stop until I take her out. We've changed car seats twice. She doesn't ever tire herself out like other babies. Her record is 35 minutes of screaming before I had to stop for fear of smashing my car into a wall. I leave the house very rarely because of this, and normally only on the rare occasions when I can find someone else to come with.

My eldest goes to nursery one full day a week which is all we can afford, and because when I return to work next year it will be the only day we need it for her. I also attend a PND group for two hours a week on the insistence of my concerned HV, but I'm not depressed, just annoyed that my baby is difficult when everyone else's just sit quietly in their prams, or at least sleep in the car!

My husband works various shifts so I can sometimes not really see him for days on end, or for only a few good waking hours a week. My family are very supportive but I feel like a failure for putting myself on them. I try groups but leaving the house is just SO difficult because of the way my youngest is, and the thought of trying to control the eldest while the youngest screams in front of a room full of people makes me cry.

To sum up, I currently spend 3-5 days inside for the entire day. My almost two year old usually has a dummy in and sits in front of Mr Tumble or Bing for 70% of the day while I feed the baby and hold her (because it's the only way she will sleep and not scream). Please dear God someone tell me they've been in at least a slightly similar situation and that it will improve. If not I feel I may as well give my eldest up for adoption.

(This post was intended more of a rant than anything so it's been marginally therapeutic just getting it out!)

I have Similac Alimentum already from my GP but the baby isn't overly keen on bottles, although she did take them fine in the first few months. She had three bottles of it one day at my mum's in the summer and seemed fine so I do think it is CMPI. Her nappies were the biggest tell for us as she was having 5 or 6 awful dirty ones with mucus every morning.

I'm already dairy free and not a fan of lots of food so definitely not eating anything acidic. I also only drink decaffeinated tea and water so I don't think it's much to do with my diet.

Have you tried eliminating soya to see if that helps? I know it's a pain.

We also found moving from the infant carrier car seat to the bigger combination seat made a huge difference in dealing with the car. But he still won't tolerate pram or buggy for more than a small amount of time. He wants to be out and doing. Even when he was tiny and couldn't sit unaided.

one of my twins sounds similar - she was extremely hard work, but got much better when she started eating, so much happier and more settled. five hellish months leading up to that though. (and I also had an 18 month old who watched a lot of tv. years later I still feel sad for her and guilty, but of course she is absolutely fine, happy and thriving)

Me again.

I should add that my daughter was on omeprazole from 4-10 months old, and that probably made a difference, though it wasn’t an overnight wonder, more a gradual help. She definitely screamed less!

OP I take my hat off to you. I have one DD and found the first few months so hard I’m not sure I could do it again.

I breastfeed for 2 months, and I really think it contributed to PND for me. She was putting on weight etc etc, but it was soul destroying. I just switched straight to formula and my boobs leaked a bit for a couple of days.

It was the best thing I ever did for DD - we ended up with a great little routine, which was really important for my mental health, and she was so much happier. After a week or so of FF and our new routine she was sleeping through the night, and napping well. (After waking every 30-45 mins all night).

DHs sister has 2 under 2 - says the first year was awful, but my god, they are now so, so close and entertain each other constantly!

I hope you might find my reply helpful - I haven’t read the whole chain but I have two children who were under 2, with a 17 month age gap. I say we’re, as my eldest is now 3 and my youngest will be 2 in December.

I breastfed my youngest and she was incredibly difficult, and it turned out that she has an iGE allergy to both dairy and eggs which I didn’t realise until we started weaning until 5 months. She must have been in such pain for the first months but I just had no idea what was wrong and my doctor and HV weren’t particularly helpful. Once I suggested allergy, they did kick into action however.

I just want to tell you that it does get easier - for us, it marginally got easier between 6-8 months and now, I think back and remember just how difficult it was. You will get there. I went back to work and to be honest, that was a blessing as I found it particularly lonely, she was a very hard baby to manage and especially when I had a really small toddler who also needed a lot of attention. I’m going to re read the thread and if I can add anything more I will, otherwise, please do direct message me if I can help! You’ve got this xxx

You are doing a great job OP! My two are 17 months apart. You're not failing - it truly is a living hell this stage. The boredom, the discomfort, the monotony and the bloody noise.

It will get better. It always does. But in the meantime, try not to be too hard on yourself. I'd also encourage you to get your DH to take the kids for a couple of hours a week and you leave the house, go for a walk/swim/coffee/whateverthefuckyoulike and look after your own needs. Even a small break can make things seem better.

Gosh i’d Say the transition from one to two was the most difficult thing i’ve Ever done.

I don’t have that gap - but my 3rd was exactly the same. My elder two were 7 and 5 when 3rd was born and honestly? I had a year of severe PND. Reflux, colic, screamed all the time unless held and quite often screamed even when held, hated the pram, didn’t sleep for more than an hour until she was 15 months

Barring the school runs I never left the house. The screaming was unbearable in public. I was glued to the sofa under a miserable baby who seemed to resent her own existence.

Weekends were just as bad - we’d stay in, once a month I’d try to take them out and baby would just scream constantly and I’d end up in tears within an hour, and the day would be ruined for the elder two, then I’d be too scared to try going out again.

Baby is now almost 3 but I still feel masses of guilt for my elder two and the fact that they were basically house bound with me for so long.

Not advice as such but mine are 12 and 13 now and I always joke at work about how I was asleep for the 1st 5 years of their lives . I found it really hard. It WILL get better that's for sure.
I made sure I went out every morning after breakfast for a walk to the shops or just around the block - with them! - made sure I had a routine. That got me through the day. I remember going to the bakery to buy myself a cake or biscuit on the way, small things

I have the same gap and luckily my nightmare baby first although the 2nd had reflux. It is hard and gets a different kind of hard when the youngest starts to walk. I used to make sure I knew people when I went out. First in my group to have number 2 so they could help. The payback is now I have two in school and they both like similiar things. My friends look at me in envy as they are still chasing toddlers or have been up since five. Or struggle to find activities suitable for both or have to keep one entertained whilst the other does group. It is a great she gap you just need to hang in there.

It started getting SIGNIFICANTLY better when youngest was 3. Not saying this to scare you, but to be realistic with your expectations. It's not that life was always terrible in that time, it was just hard work for me.

13 month gap here and this ^.

Each year we'd say, 'In 12 months this will be much easier.' And it was / is!

The youngest has just started school as the oldest went into Y1 and they're both gaining independence rapidly.

You just have to bide your time, sadly!

I had 2 under 1 and then 3 under 3 1/2.

So here goes.
1.If the older child is walking reins are your friends.Put new baby in pram and away you go.

1. Go out in the afternoon/evening.Put sleepsuits on,go for a hot chocolate.Saves the cabin fever.I found after dinner worse.The day just seemed to drag in.

3.See if there is any baby cinema on.
4 Go on the train,to a nearby play group.Stretches the day out longer.
5.Put elder child out the back and let potter around[obviously if its safe to do so].

Thats what i did.