Worried about 4 year old son

[DownstairsMixUp]

My son turned 4 on the 29th of August and a few days later, he had to start school. :-( I have always thought his speech was very behind from the age of 2. I took him to the health visitor who agreed and saw him six months later and said it was fine (I disagreed) from 2 - 4 he went to nursery full time and I mentioned it to nursery staff on more than a few occasions. As it got closer to applying for school, I sent a message to my local council about deferring. They said it's highly unlikely and he'd just have to start in year 1. I read around on the internet and it seemed it was true, it's near on impossible that this council ever defers children. The nursery reassured me he'd be OK and i'd be doing more harm holding him back.

Roll on now, he has been at school 2.5 weeks and the teacher says she disagrees with the nursery assessment that he is at expected. I said to her I have always thought he had a delay and i've been fobbed off, this teacher did the home visit to in July and I mentioned it to her then, she didn't seem concerned and I knew it would take for him getting to class for them to realise it.

She did an assessment last week on him and his speech has come out severe, he has now been referred to the SENCO teacher in the school. I feel so guilty. I feel bad I have been at work full time and maybe it's my fault I've not had enough one on one time with him. He passed his nursery yesterday (it's next to the school) and cried and said he wants to go back.

Someone please tell me it's going to be ok? What will happen from here? I don't want him to be left behind and feel rubbish. His brother is 9 and at the same school and does really well, they couldn't be more opposite. Any positive stories would be great right now.

I also recommend PECS and Makaton, most of children's challenging behaviours are due to frustration with communication.

I think if I had been offered the option of deferring ds's schooling I would have taken it, but tbh now I'm not sure it would have been the best thing for him. His situation is slightly different in that he started in the F1 nursery class, so he had a year in school before he went into Reception. But the progress he made in F1 and Reception was staggering - he was assessed as being at the 16-22 months stage of development in F1, even though he was actually just turned 3 when he started there. It was obvious from outset that he was lagging miles behind his peers, both in his speech and socially. I too felt terribly guilty that I hadn't sought help for him sooner and that every niggle of disquiet I felt was smothered with a "I have no experience to decide there's something wrong". But school was fabulous for him, and I do think he made much better progress with them than he would have if he'd been at home with me. It may well be similar for your ds.

One thing I did like and we got a lot of use out of are communication fans, they are really helpful in being able to communicate to your ds what will be happening next, and they are small and light enough to go in your bag. They worked for us as my ds had problems with receptive language and struggled to know what words meant.

One other thing that will help is becoming as pushy/assertive as you need to be for your son. Find out what help is available and grab it, insist on referrals to relevant professionals, etc. You might get lucky and be in an area that's quite supportive, but otherwise you might have to get more feisty than you're used to just to get your son the help he needs.

Thanks noodle, then fans look great and I will order one. I don't think I am in a very supportive area, recently the salt team have been condensed down to a smaller team covering where my son is and it's very hard to get referred as most health care professionals will do anything to help referring new people. I have enquiries about attending a local makaton course, even if this is not helpful with my son I figure I can use it as I sometimes come across people with learning disabilities in my job anyway so it will still be helpful. He only had his ears tested a short time ago but I will do this to to rule out any issues with hearing.

Of course tonight he comes up to me, hugs me tight and says, "I love you, kiss mummy?" Clear as day and every worry fades away for the briefest of seconds: I know he is a happy child and has no idea all the worries that go on in his mothers mind, next year this may all be gone but god, parenting is just 99% worrying isn't it?