A big age gap between siblings or stick with one?

[justnkw]

Dh wants another child . I haven't for the last 6 years . Now ds is nearly 6 I am under pressure to go for it. On one hand I feel my reasons for not having another are selfish. I have a good career, I think I am a better mother to just one.
But.. dh wants ds to have a sibling and wants another child. I would like another child I think but not mad for the baby stage!!! Anyway it's crunch time as I am getting on

So for those of you who have been in similar position what did you do? How has it worked out for you?

My DH’s siblings are at nearly 6 year intervals (11 years top to bottom). They get on very well...but my MIL does say that it meant a long long time of having teenagers in the house!

I have a soon to be 25 yr old, then 17yr old and 15yr old. We spent years ttc with second and suffered a number of miscarriages before finally had success when our only child at time was 7&1/2. I can't help but advise you to go for it. Xx

My hubby has two brothers, one 2 years older than him and the other 15 years younger. He is just as close to both. There are 5 children in our family - 8 years difference between oldest and youngest - as adults age does not matter. But it’s your life - your decision.

I have a 10 years gap between Dc2 and dc3. Going back to the baby stage of total dependence on me/ sleepless night was hard but having such a big age gap had been lovely. My older 2 are amazing with the baby and he absolutely adores them both. I love having the big age gap

So many mistakes in my post hopefully you can work out what I meant.

Not me, but a friend of mine has a sister who is eight years younger and they’re incredibly close as adults, so if the age gap affecting a relationship then don’t. Many siblings with close age gaps fight like cat and dog. Also, the baby stage won’t last forever.

If he wants a baby and you don't fancy that stage can he take the bulk of the parental leave, you go back to work as soon as you are physically fit for it.
I went back PT after a couple of days and OH also dropped to pt, it worked pretty well for us.

I have a couple of friends, both adults now who are close to their siblings, one with a ten year gap, the other 13.

That said I only have one, she's 17 now and I'm happy with my decision to just have one.

We have a 10y and a 2y. I love the big gap.

I had an 18 year gap with mine! There is many times I’ve thought WTF have I done but I’m glad I did. 23, 5 and 20 months and the all dote on each other. The middle one takes a very caring role to my mini tornado !

It’s tough but it’s worth it. Christmas is lovely.

My brother is 8 years older than me, and my sister is 10 years older than me.

We get along pretty well, better now that we’re all older but they adored me when I was younger x

I have 4 children with a 6 year gap between one set of two and the other. This means my eldest and youngest have almost 10 years between them.

I loved the gap. I was able to let them watch the baby when I went to the loo and they loved having the babies around.

Additionally my eldest and youngest are so close the are thinking of going into business together when the youngest finishes uni. Simply because they get on so well and have similar interests.

Dd is 8, nearly 9 and DS is 16 months. He adores her and she feels the same most of the time even though he can be a bit annoying . I don't regret going back to the baby stage - it seems to be shooting by this time. Also mat leave gave me some time off to spend with DD too which was nice. No after school club meant longer evenings at home for a while. I suppose that I miss being able to.go out in the evenings with DH which we had started doing before DS came along but that is about it. He is gorgeous and hopefully they will have a good relationship when they are older, although you can never guarantee anything.

I would say go for it.

Why is it selfish not to want another baby? You clearly don’t want one so I’d question why you’re considering it.

In terms of sibling gap. Who knows? Some big gap siblings get along, some don’t. Same as with close gap siblings. I barely talk to my 8 year gap one and we clearly didn’t play together as by the time I was at playing age (3ish) she was 11. All this is by the by though if you don’t want a baby

I feel selfish for not being strong enough to have just had another baby 2/3 years after having dc like all my friends did.

I wasn't ready and only recently have felt like I could realistically do it again

And now it's hard as he is so grown up!

As I see my parents taking on caring roles (money management, planning for the future rather than every single day care) I can see that my father struggles as an only child and my mum is hugely glad her brothers are there to make decisions alongside her.

My British 7 years younger and I love him dearly. We aren’t really close, but I will be glad to have someone else who I can rely on as blood as my parents age and who will be able to join me in making decisions as they become unable to.

We are definitely a blood is thicker than water family though so this might depend a lot on your family as a whole, and also whether or not they have close cousins etc as that might be a similar relationship.

My parents taking on caring roles for their parents, sorry *

And now it's hard as he is so grown up

He's only 6 not 16

He will probably be excited about having a baby brother or sister and telling all his Friends in school. Cute!

6 years between me and my sister, didn't get on as kids and don't know. As kids there were few activities suitable for both ages and we could really play together unless I played at her level. I resented her my parents found it difficult. I was always "old enough to know better" so personally I wouldn't.

17 years between me and my little brother!

OP please don't feel selfish for not having a smaller age gap, you've got to do what works for you.
Commenting as there's 6 years between me and my DS and I'm 8 years older than my DB. I remember so much of their baby years which is incredibly special. Used to find them a bit annoying during my teenage years but always loved being the older sibling. We're all pretty close as adults, age gap isn't a big deal now.
Good luck whatever you decide :)

Could your husband take some leave so that you can go back to work a bit earlier?

I have a large age gap between my 2 DC

DC1 is 6 (7in December) and DC2 is 2 days old 😍

DC1 dotes on DC2 (atm) and it’s so lovely to see

Thanks for comments ...

Your first message described my situation perfectly OP. I had my second still with somewhat mixed feelings if I’m honest. Nearly 7 year gap between them and it has been perfect. My DS adores his baby sister but is also old enough to help out a little bit (eg amuse her whilst I’m in shower, read bed time story etc). And I’m now so happy that I did agree to have another (even though first 6 months were very hard). I was content before, but am happier now.