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Original poster

Anyone else struggling to parent a child whose spirit animal is Eeyore?

29 replies

Eeyoreismyspiritanimal · 17/09/2018 20:23

I mean, I'm not exactly struggling. It just gets me frustrated and down sometimes. Ds2 is 4.5 and is quite a negative child. At home he is happy, noisy and playful. But outside of the home he is very shy, doesn't like people, doesn't engage well with others, doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. Moans and whinges a LOT.

His answer to most things is "no". I get fed up with strangers saying "oh dear! Did someone get out of bed the wrong side?" Or "is he always this grumpy?!" (Yes).

Anyone else in the same boat? I love the bones of the boy; he's very funny, loving, clever etc at home, but just so anti-social (opposite to me). I feel like people are judging me for it, like I'm a crap Mum because he's not smiley and chatty Sad It's just his personality, I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eeyoreismyspiritanimal · 17/09/2018 21:01

Bump.

OP posts:
PretzelPrincess · 17/09/2018 21:09

You sound like me! DS1 is 4.5 and is grumpy and moany and it can be so draining getting through the day with him. DS2 is 3.5 and wakes up with a spring in his step and is like that all day 🤷🏽‍♀️

I do think it's partly personality and partly a phase. It can be frustrating when he's being moody and negative all of the time. I try not to draw attention to his negative behaviour and always praise the positive.

I always worry that DS1 will be labelled the moody child and DS2 the happy one, consciously or not. So I try really hard not to let others focus on this aspect either.

Harebellmeadow · 17/09/2018 21:11

Sounds like me as a child 😁
How much time does he spend outdoors everyday?

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Original poster
Eeyoreismyspiritanimal · 17/09/2018 21:24

PretzelPrincess my ds1 sounds like your ds2! So moody ds2 was a bit of a shock to us. I'm also keen to avoid labels but it's kinda hard when out as complete strangers comment on it! I try to turn it into a positive and mention how his stubbornness and his inability to please others for their sakes will stand him in good stead when he's and adult Grin

Harebellmeadow sounds like my sister and cousin too Grin My sister was born with the weight of the world on her shoulders bless her. And don't think there's a single photo of my cousin smiling as a kid.

We are National Trust members, and he went to a forest school for 3 days a week before starting school last week. 7yo ds and dh are keen bike riders so we try to get out as much as possible. He now has a 25min walk before and after school each day, too. Why do you ask?

OP posts:
Original poster
Eeyoreismyspiritanimal · 18/09/2018 07:33

Bumping for the morning crowd.

OP posts:
PepperSteaks · 18/09/2018 07:54

My DD is very smiley. However I have taught a few little ones like this. It’s like having a grumpy old man in the classroom with us! I usually find it amusing unless it’s an activity I’ve slaved over and they are stood their moaning about it!

Original poster
Eeyoreismyspiritanimal · 18/09/2018 08:13

PepperSteaks my Eeyore has just started school and I'm worried he's not making friends due to his grumpy/sensitive nature Sad He cries his eyes out at every drop off. I think I'd find the old man personality cute/funny if I was only with him for a few hours a day, but as it is living with him is draining. People usually comment on my lively and sunny disposition...so I probably do his head in too! Grin

P.s guessing you're in a rush and your use of their is a typo Wink

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 18/09/2018 08:30

Give him a burst balloon and an empty jar to play with?

I would maybe try re-enforcing being positive, and rewarding positivity in situations where he is normally negative. Or play the 'Glad' game.

PepperSteaks · 18/09/2018 08:35

eeyore yes! I was trying to get DD dressed as I typed! I promise I normally have good grammar

UnaOfStormhold · 18/09/2018 08:50

I think it would help to work out how much of his behaviour is just being quiet/introverted, how much is being whingy to get what he wants and how much is being genuinely sad. If he's just quiet then you will probably just need to get used to him having a very different style to you, and maybe enlist sone introverted adults to help him develop strategies for dealing with group situations. If it's whinginess obviously don't reward the whinging but if you don't mind him having the thing I find it helps to make a game of trying to find his strong voice (look in his pockets, ears, between toes etc until you're both giggling and then get him to ask again until he asks in a non-whiny voice and gets what he was asking for). If he's genuinely sad then that's harder - you could try lots of talking about emotions and perhaps starting a daily practice of finding three things to be grateful about?

AornisHades · 18/09/2018 08:54

I've got a 12 yr old Eeyore with autism...

SuburbanRhonda · 18/09/2018 08:57

Loving your thread title, OP Grin

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 18/09/2018 09:01

My Eeyore is 15....its draining...absolutely draining. I'm hoping it will lift in about a years time. ..after GCSEs

wigglybeezer · 18/09/2018 09:04

Yes.
DS1 lurches between Eeyore most of the time and occasionally Tigger.
Very shy out of the house but bouncy and in your face at home!
His family nickname is the Ginger Whinger.
He is now 20 and I have to listen to moans about work instead of school, however, he did utter the phrase " I don't like it but I'll just have to get on with it" the other day so I may be getting through to him at last and in genuinely difficult situations he just gets on with things.
Also I have learnt not to try and convince him him everythings fine, I leave him to find out something wasn't so bad after all... ironically he is rather judgemental about other people moaning...
Any future partners will have to be thick skinned cheerful types.

lljkk · 18/09/2018 09:44

I have one who is cross betw. Tigger & Eeyore (!)
It's um, interesting. Mine has got better over time. Like everyone, they get better having faced challenges & managed them however badly.

Original poster
Eeyoreismyspiritanimal · 18/09/2018 16:29

Thanks for your replies - it's so good to know I'm not alone!

@AornisHades I do have some concerns/hunches that ds may have some autistic traits. Will see how he gets on in Reception. The lead Senco was the person to peel him off me this morning whilst he was screaming blue murder Sad

@TeenTimesTwo and @UnaOfStormhold thanks for your advice, I am trained to deliver a parenting course (EPEC) which focuses on positive parenting, so would like to try my level best. What's the glad game please? Is it where we name three things we're grateful for? Should we do it at the dinner table or bedtime do you think?

Those of you with teen or adult Eeyores - I applaud you! You need medals Wine Star

P.s @PepperSteaks haha, thought so. Only mentioned because you said you were a teacher Wink

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Stuckforthefourthtime · 18/09/2018 16:38

Ds2 is like this, aged 6. He can be so kind and funny, but only when everything is perfectly aligned, otherwise there are tears and endless moaning - and his default response to anything new or which requires leaving the house is a no.

Interestingly we have also wondered about autism. @AornisHades - did you know early with your 12 year old or did you find out later on?

wigglybeezer · 18/09/2018 18:27

My adult Eeyore has a younger brother with high functioning autism, who, ironically, is much more resilient and flexible in many ways! Eeyore has a few traits of various neuro developmental issues, a wee bit of autism, a bit of add, slight dyslexia and dyspraxia but never enough for a diagnosis, just a bit cranky and mildly quirky!

Original poster
Eeyoreismyspiritanimal · 18/09/2018 21:17

@Stuckforthefourthtime sounds familiar. My ds says no to any new idea, however amazing it might be. Go with the flow he ain't! The endless moaning is so draining isn't it? Sad I get "I don't want to go to school" from 7am-9am at the moment.

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Justnoclue · 18/09/2018 21:32

Fuck me DD makes Eeyore look cheerful sometimes. She’s nearly 13. Always looks on the dark side. Not happy unless she’s worrying. Catastrophises everything. Sigh. She should be cheerful I’ve not sold her on eBay by now Grin

Justnoclue · 18/09/2018 21:33

Annoyingly this is an act she saves for me. Everyone else thinks she’s cheerful 🤦🏻‍♀️

KataraJean · 18/09/2018 21:40

I have Tigger on speed, only occasionally Eeyore (mostly as a form of demand avoidance or wanting his own way). Also high functioning autism. If he is ill, we know mainly because he loses his bounce. He is still very sensitive to new situations, sensory overload and being away from me, but full on non-stop.

Believeitornot · 18/09/2018 21:42

Sounds like my dd when she was younger. As a baby she’d give people the proper Hmm if they tried to talk to her. She’s 6 and has been much braver and confident in the last year.

nopeni · 18/09/2018 21:43

Sounds like DH as a child. Also diagnosed with autism as an adult.

Maybe look into ways of helping him as if he was on the spectrum - lots of routine, help with sensory issues if he has any of those?

underneaththeash · 18/09/2018 22:06

We have an Eeyore (otherwise called grumpy fish) too. We try very hard not to re-inforce this negative stereotype, even if he is a complete grumpy fish.
DH took him golfing today and apparently he was very grumpy looking all way round and complained a lot, even though he told me when he came back that he had a lovely time.
Luckily, he is less grumpy with me and I can usually get a bit of a smile out of him.

He does have an auditory processing disorder, which makes thing a little harder, but I suspect its just his natural character.

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