Anyone else struggling to parent a child whose spirit animal is Eeyore?

[Eeyoreismyspiritanimal]

I mean, I'm not exactly struggling. It just gets me frustrated and down sometimes. Ds2 is 4.5 and is quite a negative child. At home he is happy, noisy and playful. But outside of the home he is very shy, doesn't like people, doesn't engage well with others, doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. Moans and whinges a LOT.

His answer to most things is "no". I get fed up with strangers saying "oh dear! Did someone get out of bed the wrong side?" Or "is he always this grumpy?!" (Yes).

Anyone else in the same boat? I love the bones of the boy; he's very funny, loving, clever etc at home, but just so anti-social (opposite to me). I feel like people are judging me for it, like I'm a crap Mum because he's not smiley and chatty It's just his personality, I think.

@Justnoclue funny how different kids can be at home/with Mum, isn't it? Well done for not flogging her on eBay! I guess the world would be boring if we were all the same.

@KataraJean oh wow, your boy sounds tiring too! Any tips on helping him adjust more quickly to new situations please?

@Believeitornot yep, ds could give a great stink eye from just a few months old! You should see him recoil in horror if someone tries to hug him or ruffle his hair. So good to hear she has built more confidence now, maybe there is hope for my ds.

@nopeni not sure if he has sensory issues? He used to be a super fussy eater, and still won't eat anything mashed or spongey. But has got loads better. Is fine with clothes. I do think he gets overwhelmed when in a crowd and/or when there is lots of noise. He covers his ears and looks scared, but again is getting better with this.

I was going to ask school if they could ask the TA in his class to make a point of meeting him every morning and spending 10 mins with him, helping to settle (he has two different teachers depending on day, and there are two TA's in class, then the SENCO just happened to be there this morning and gave me a hand to get his jacket off and get him into class). I think he'd love some continuity, and to properly build up some trust with one person (he adored his key worker at preschool). Just got to keep remembering it's only his second week, and it's a huge change for him. He came out upset today and said his tummy hurt, but think it was just anxiety as was fine at home. He's had lots of extra cuddles and kisses, and I'm back to staying with him whilst he falls asleep.

Thanks so much for all your help, much appreciated

@underneaththeash bless your ds. Mine is like that; we'll be at a party and he'll be clingy and look miserable, constantly ask to go home...then when we get home go on about what a lovely time he had ?! I have to resist the urge to say something like "did you forget to tell your face?!" Or "funny way of showing it!".

You are absolutely right about not reinforcing the stereotype. I've actually told close friends now that we are making an effort to avoid a grumpy label/self fulfilling prophecy. Everyone knows what he's like, so we'll just have to bite our tongues from now on.

How much does it get what he wants-your attention?

My brother was very much like that. Dm worried that he wasn't ever happy so she pandered to it.
It would go along the lines of:
Her: let's play XX
Him: I suppose so
Her afterwards: Did you enjoy that?
Him: I only did it because you wanted to. I don't like it.
Her: Oh in that case we'll do

Repeat. Sometimes all day.

This finished one day when she'd offered to take him somewhere she thought he would really like. She planned a long day where they went to an expensive activity, they were going to eat out, stop somewhere else he liked on the way home. Me and dsis were pretty speechless as we never did expensive activities, never ate out and certainly would not have done the activity even if we'd begged.

He said "I suppose if you want to, then I'll go with you. But I won't enjoy it."

Something else came up and dm thought that as he didn't seem bothered, she wouldn't take him. On the morning, he said something along the lines of "I suppose you're going to insist I get ready to go now" and she said she couldn't go any more.
And he had the most massive strop.

She then realised that actually he was manipulating and he was enjoying them, and wanting to do them after all.

It's actually really hard to parent an Eeyore. My ds has always been the serious, shy one but at home can be joyful? too. He's 13 now and is still very shy and quite negative and I'm always on the look out for signs of depression but think this is just his natural personality. I think all you can do is to keep reinforcing positives, challenge the negative language and also challenge the negative comments of others so he knows you have his back (even though you secretly agree!). I think it has a lot to do with confidence too. I find it quite wearing but hope he'll grow out of it.