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Original poster

How many wedding gifts did you receive?

48 replies

ShirleyPhallus · 17/09/2018 12:42

I’m not married myself but was talking to a recently married friend at the weekend and she was saying she was really quite disappointed that they hadn’t received more gifts. She said out of 120 guests, they’d only had about 25 donations to their honeymoon donation website.

Hers was a destination wedding so I suspect most people just thought they were spending so much on getting there that was gift enough but I’m curious to hear how usual it is

OP posts:
NonaGrey · 17/09/2018 12:47

Lots of people don’t like giving money to the honeymoon really, where they’d be quite happy to give an actual gift.

We had 200 guests at our wedding but we received about 260 gifts in total.

NonaGrey · 17/09/2018 12:48

Oh, and yes I give a considerably smaller gift if I’ve spent thousands travelling to a destination wedding.

3stonedown · 17/09/2018 12:54

I wouldn't be able to go to a wedding empty handed. I've never been to a destination wedding though, if I was to go to one it would only be for a close family member so I would still buy a gift. I can see why she didn't get many.

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Weddings
Thistles24 · 17/09/2018 13:04

We had about 110 to the wedding and I sent over 170 thank you cards. I was genuinely shocked by people’s generosity.

Esme3 · 17/09/2018 13:06

We had 80 guests and got about £700 in John Lewis vouchers and 4/5 bottles of champagne. Lots of cards.

Womaningreen · 17/09/2018 13:09

she had a destination wedding AND wanted gifts. grabby!!

surprised she got 25 donations.

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 17/09/2018 13:21

she had a destination wedding AND wanted gifts.

I did point out that when you include a note saying “we’d rather have your presence than presents” then people will do just that!

OP posts:
Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 17/09/2018 14:20

Any more?

OP posts:
DiscoMoo · 17/09/2018 15:02

I didn’t count. However, surely 120 guests does not equal 120 gifts as those guests will be largely divided into couples or families - if my husband and I go to a wedding, we buy one gift, not one each. Also IME a destination wedding won’t attract as many gifts as you’ve spent money and usually annual leave to attend. She’s being grabby.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 17/09/2018 15:06

None.

We did not want a wedding list and instructed anyone who really insisted on getting something to make a donation to a chosen charity.

In this day and age wedding lists are grabby as fuck.

Leland · 17/09/2018 15:07

None. We didn't invite anyone. Grin

MiddlingMum · 17/09/2018 15:12

None. We specifically stated that we didn't want any and our guests respected that. A couple of guests did practical things - arranged flowers, took photos, etc but that was enough.

If people want a honeymoon they should pay. Just plain greedy to expect anyone else to fund it.

LondonJax · 17/09/2018 15:16

We got three - an ornament (which started a collection as I liked it so much), a vase (which cheers us up every time we use it) and some crockery (which takes pride of place at Christmas as it's too nice for everyday and it looks 'special' on the table).

But like PanGalactic we said we didn't want any and, if people really wanted to give something, would they consider contributing to the NSPCC in our name. We raised nearly £1000 through our guests generosity.

Personally I don't like the 'contribute to our honeymoon' wedding lists. I'll do it but I don't like it. I can't put my finger on why - possibly because it's such a new thing and it seems like a case of 'I want a huge, expensive wedding and because I've had one I can't afford a honeymoon now so will you pay for it?' Why it feels any worse to me than getting people vouchers for their favourite shop so they can get new furniture or decorate a nursery or something I don't know...but I'd happily put money into helping someone furnish their home rather than go on holiday. I am a bit odd I know.

livefornaps · 17/09/2018 15:19

If I'm travelling to a destination wedding as a single person, spending thousands to celebrate you, your love, and all the things that have just proved beyond my reach, and doing it all with a smile on my face and you THEN ask me for presents, well, then I will look at my watch and tap my foot until society sanctions a big day for lil ol' me alone when people shower me with gifts and congratulations to validate MY life choices.

You have to remember a shed load of these guests will have been forced to fork out extra on the folly that is stag and hen dos these days.

Give me strength.

Womaningreen · 17/09/2018 15:30

LondonJax

you're not odd at all. essentially a destination wedding asking for honeymoon contributions is saying "we are well off but we'd like you to pay money towards our life choices".

the nicest wedding I ever attended was a couple who asked for no gifts and suggested a couple of charities if people felt strongly about it. They also had a very simple wedding with no expensive faffing but all food and drink was free to guests and it was well organised so no one was hanging around hungry or anything, and most of the pics were taken by guests.

they were def the least well off couple in terms of all the weddings I've been to - they could have done with the gift list etc but they were nice enough not to ask.

so if you get an "ugh" feeling at the grabbiness, I don't blame you.

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 17/09/2018 15:39

This friend did organise all the food and drink for the day, plus transport to the venue and a bbq the next day too, so once guests were there they didn’t pay for anything

But the flights and hotel alone were a few hundred quid so I’m not surprised that others didn’t contribute

Plus I always feel a bit weird about wedding websites where it’s just cash donations and the link isn’t added until a month or so before the wedding. Not sure people would keep checking back on to the link really.

I too would always rather pay towards something

OP posts:
Womaningreen · 17/09/2018 15:46

OP "This friend did organise all the food and drink for the day, plus transport to the venue and a bbq the next day too, so once guests were there they didn’t pay for anything"

blimey. I've never been to a destination wedding - surely that's a basic minimum?

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 17/09/2018 15:47

Not sure WomanInGreen, I have only been to 2 and they were both the same but mentioned it just in case!

OP posts:
EscapeTheCastle · 17/09/2018 15:50

I'm comfortable buying something from gift list from John Lewis, I'm ok ish giving a cheque and posting it off in a wedding card but a web site for honeymoon money sounds like a step too far for old fashioned me.

I would be all weirded out wondering what the heck this site was and was it safe?

I haven't seen a John Lewis gift list for over 10 years mind you.
I had one for my wedding and everyone used it. Different time though.

SoyDora · 17/09/2018 15:51

We got a card and gift or money from everyone who came. We didn’t ask for anything. We did try and make attending our wedding as cheap as possible for everyone, including paying the accommodation for 40 friends (for various reasons we were able to provide this cheaply!).
If I was going to a destination wedding that had cost me hundreds of pounds I’d still give a gift, but a very small one!

MonumentVal · 17/09/2018 15:57

100 guests, my parents paid for most of the wedding, ILs put money behind the bar. We had a wedding list as many of my family are abroad and wouldn't make it, also what we really wanted was homewares to replace beat-up student stuff and mismatched charity shop finds. So made clear to friends we really did want a plate or bowl or saucer and all and it wouldn't look stingy (most could afford £10-20).

Got whole set minus about 3 pieces, salad servers, mugs, some bedding and pans, etc. Pretty much just cards on the day. Still use the crockery and think of friends each time.

isabella2 · 17/09/2018 16:05

If I go to a destination wedding I give a small gift (£15/20ish and definitely not a honeymoon contribution).

We received a present from pretty much everyone who came, plus also received quite a lot, 10/15, or so from people who couldn't come or who weren't invited (parent's friends, parents of childhood friends, agencies I use at work etc). We had a local wedding (to us) so most people didn't have to travel far.

MaxPepsi · 17/09/2018 16:46

We had a wedding list, 7 years ago, at Debenhams.

Between actual gifts and vouchers we were able to get pretty much everything on the list. All of which has been used and is still being used. Items ranged from £5 to £150.

We also got presents not on the list, other vouchers and at least a dozen bottles of champagne. In addition to that we also received several hundred pounds, which we did actually use on our UK honeymoon......for meals and drinks and thanked our guests accordingly, so they knew it had been used for something other than filling up the car or the gas bill!

We were overwhelmed by the generosity shown to us. Still am now I've thought about it again.

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 17/09/2018 17:05

Would anyone have been bothered if you hadn’t received anything?

OP posts:
itbemay · 17/09/2018 17:15

We had around 100 guests, no sit down meal but paid for all food and drink and didn't ask for anything but ended up with £2000 I John Lewis/next vouchers plus a few gifts. I hate the gift list concept, we just wanted a low key fun wedding. Was a blast!