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Original poster

How many wedding gifts did you receive?

48 replies

ShirleyPhallus · 17/09/2018 12:42

I’m not married myself but was talking to a recently married friend at the weekend and she was saying she was really quite disappointed that they hadn’t received more gifts. She said out of 120 guests, they’d only had about 25 donations to their honeymoon donation website.

Hers was a destination wedding so I suspect most people just thought they were spending so much on getting there that was gift enough but I’m curious to hear how usual it is

OP posts:

FrangipaniBlue · 17/09/2018 17:54

None because we said we didn't want any (together 7yrs living together for 6 so really there was nothing to get us!)

For anyone who insisted we politely said we would be grateful for money, but that they really didn't have to.

110ish guests and we ended up with about £3,500 in cash and cheques

I think people were more generous because of our insistence that they really didn't have to give us anything........

SoyDora · 17/09/2018 17:56

We said the same FrangipaniBlue and ended up with over £5000!

Aragog · 17/09/2018 18:00

I did point out that when you include a note saying “we’d rather have your presence than presents” then people will do just that!

she was saying she was really quite disappointed that they hadn’t received more gifts

So, she told people she didn't want a present, and is not upset because she didn't get any

we’d rather have your presence than presents

Not quite true then is it. Sounds more like she would have preferred the presents, or at the very least both!

If you want presents, you don't send a note telling people not to get you any!

Interested in this thread?

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Weddings

FrangipaniBlue · 17/09/2018 18:02

I definitely think people are more generous @SoyDora if they don't think you're being grabby!!

I genuinely would t have cared if all we'd gotten were a few cards with well wishes in.

Laska5772 · 17/09/2018 18:05

four all unexpected coffee machine from our witnesses , and Jl vouchers from both his mum and aunty and a case of wine from our friends. .

I was a bit sad to get nothing at all from my parents .. especially as my sister got something pretty whizzy ... but that's them all over with regards to me unfortunately .. I have never mentioned it to them nor never will, but It does make me sad that they never acknowledged my wedding at all. ..

However we are v happily married and have been together now for nearly 25yrs ( and my parents love my DH and are always tell me how lucky I am ..and tell him they dont know how he puts up with me! )

Enidblyton1 · 17/09/2018 18:05

We had about 180 guests - I’d say roughly half bought us something from our JL gift list and the other half (tended to be older/family friends) gave us something that wasn’t on our list.
When I was doing thank you letters, I noticed only about 3 guests didn’t buy us anything at all. From memory, I think they were all young, single friends of DH who just wouldn’t have thought about bringing a present. One of my friends didn’t give us a gift because she had to buy an expensive flight in order to come.
And then we received a mystery ceramic toast rack which nobody ever claimed!

I would have thought most people would bring some form of gift to a wedding, unless they were already spending a ridiculous amount to be there ie. a destination wedding.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 17/09/2018 18:16

I did point out that when you include a note saying “we’d rather have your presence than presents” then people will do just that!

If they said this then she is being massively unreasonable.

If I received a wedding invitation which said that, I would use my judgement. If the couple were very close friends I would probably get them a personal gift anyway. If it was an ordinary wedding in the UK and it hadn't cost me an arm and a leg to attend I would give them some money in a card. But if it was a destination wedding and they'd said our "presence was enough of a gift" then frankly I'd take them at their word!

Laska5772 · 17/09/2018 18:26

I wouldn't have been bothered to have received nothing at all. We didn't ask for presents and it was a v low key wedding which we didn't tell many people about until after it happened .. I think having received some unexpected ones (and also lots of cards and good wishes from his family who also paid for us to have a lovely meal when we all next got together ) just made it worse that we had nothing from my my parents at all.. not even a card.

My parents did know and came to the wedding .

(I think i should be on Stately homes thread .. )

Laska5772 · 17/09/2018 18:27

nor my siblings ..either..

Stephisaur · 17/09/2018 18:44

I think we had something from 80% of our guests?

We had a gift list, most of that got purchased. We also had an ikea voucher registry which people could use. We wanted a new sofa and we got enough to get that.

I think we sent around 40 thank yous? We had around 100 guests, but a lot of those were couples.

It didn’t bother us to get stuff either way, but we gave people who wanted to get us stuff options. Those who didn’t buy off the registries got us heartfelt gifts, just cash or a bottle of bubbly.

We give money if there isn’t a gift list, or I make the cake if I’m asked.

Original poster

ShirleyPhallus · 17/09/2018 21:26

If you want presents, you don't send a note telling people not to get you any!

Yes this was my point! She’s decided she’s going to send a note to people who didn’t get anything giving them a nudge in case they forgot

I can hardly stand to look....!

OP posts:

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 17/09/2018 21:30

She’s decided she’s going to send a note to people who didn’t get anything giving them a nudge in case they forgot

Have you told her how much of an arse she is going to look if she does this?

MrsTeach · 17/09/2018 21:35

@EscapeTheCastle I just wanted to tell you that we had a John Lewis gift list too! Married four years ago

Original poster

ShirleyPhallus · 17/09/2018 21:42

Have you told her how much of an arse she is going to look if she does this?

yes!

She reckons that some people will be mortified that they’ve forgotten and if it was her, she’d appreciate the nudge. This includes the bridal party, her sister etc. I did point out that the bridal party would have spent even more than other guests (coming early etc) but she’s determined.

Not my circus though innit

OP posts:

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 17/09/2018 21:43

Oh god I am cringing so hard and I don't even know her. What an absolute numpty.

BrokenWing · 17/09/2018 21:54

We had just 4 witnesses and no reception 15 years ago, but received around 30 unsolicited and very very unexpected gifts, mostly money which we bought a £2500 solid polished oak dining table and chairs with. Still love that table because it was from friends and family who gifted so generously to us.

fabularz · 17/09/2018 21:58

We had about 80 people and had around £5k in cash as well as a few gifts as well. On the invite we stated we were ok for no gifts or money so we were shocked and touched by the generosity. There were a couple of big gifters within that (pil gave us half of it).

isabella2 · 17/09/2018 23:03

I'd be quite upset if I hadn't received gifts as it's a custom and I always buy gifts for weddings, but I didn't have a destination wedding or say no gifts on my invite!

SoyDora · 18/09/2018 06:29

Argh I’m so embarrassed for her!
There was absolutely no point us having a gift list as a) we didn’t need anything and b) we were living abroad when we got married in a fully furnished apartment, and all our own stuff was already in storage. We would have had to take out another storage unit to keep it in! So we just didn’t ask for anything at all. We were of course very appreciative of the cash and other gifts we were given, but we wouldn’t have been upset not to get anything as we specifically hadn’t asked.

ImogenTubbs · 18/09/2018 06:34

We had about 120 people (including about 30 kids) and we got about £3.5k towards the honeymoon. A few people got us physical gifts and a few didn't get anything. The only one I'm bothered by is DH's multi-millionaire friend who brought a random woman who wasn't his girlfriend (who was on the table plan) to the wedding and then made a big song and dance about wanting to get us a proper present and still hasn't done so six years later. People generally were incredibly sweet and supportive and we had an amazing adventure honeymoon. We did have a free bar at our wedding though, so hopefully was worth it for people!

ItsClemFandangoCanYouHearMe · 18/09/2018 06:48

We eloped but had a party afterwards
Made no mention of gifts in the invite, just wanted people to come and have a nice time.

We received about £500 in money/ vouchers, a few photo frames and some champagne.

I was quite shocked at the generosity actually.

smurfy2015 · 18/09/2018 07:40

Not married here but had the wedding booked but needed to cancel however we are still together. We cancelled with 6 months to go. Kept getting asked about gift lists, we weren't having any anyhow but come the week of the wedding friends got together and took both of us out on what would have been the wedding night and celebrated "us" - was totally unexpected.

For going to weddings, my OH never thinks of a gift, his sister's wedding he was like, we don't have to get her a present, do we? We would be going anyway {facepalm}

Note - we got her a present. He was informed of what it was about 5 seconds before we gave it to her. He then paid me for it, it came from both of us but I charged him 90% of the cost and he was none the wiser as I did the "wifework" and bought it, wrapped it and got a card to go with it and wrote it from both of us LOL

The last wedding we were at, was on my side of the family, I gave him the job of writing the card for the couple - I was doing my hair at that minute, when back from ceremony I went to take the bags with the gift to reception to ask them to put in bridal suite for the couple. He stopped me as he hadn't written the card - Why? he couldn't spell the bride's name, It was a personalised card and the bride and grooms name was on the front of it. (so I waited while he did it) LOL

SparkyBlue · 18/09/2018 17:28

We received very few actual gifts it was mainly money that was given. That would be the normal thing here.

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