bugger it I've got to stop drinking

[YeahCorvid]

at least for a bit.

sigh. who else is teetering on the edge of a drink problem and facing up to it?

Firstly 'at least for a bit' is pointless.

If you have a drink problem or a 'teetering on the edge' of one then self moderation isn't going to work. If you could moderate then you wouldn't have a drink problem.

You can give up 'for a bit' and start again with all the best intentions but you would be back where you started within weeks. It is incredibly rare for someone who drinks too much to be able to moderate successfully - hence so many former drinkers going teetotal.

We tend to be all or nothing personality types it's either nothing at all, or the whole bottle. The occasional glass just doesn't work for most of us who find ourselves having problems with the booze.

Right. I know. I know that really but it seems easier to just not have any drinks today and tomorrow and for the forseeable, than.... forever

I haven't arranged anything for my birthday which is soon. So that is one excuse to drink that I don't have to deal with. Maybe I should make a nice cake and have tea with my kids and a couple of neighbours or something so I don't feel like I've ignored my birthday because I'm a tragic boozer

Probably a good idea to chat to others struggling with similar issues - the perception of others who either don’t struggle or don’t drink at all can lead to misunderstanding.

Maybe have a look at/join this thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3274469-Brave-Babes-Battle-Bus-Sunshine-Roses-and-Mocktails-All-Round?reverse=1

I disagree actually. I was on the verge of a problem a few years back and stopped. I suppose it depends on how close you are to that edge. I was never falling over drunk but I drank a bottle of wine every night and couldn't go a night without. I realised once I found I was looking forward to getting home just so I could open a bottle of wine.

Once I got out of the habit I was ok. I now drink maybe once every couple of months.

Good luck OP

I had a 'drink problem ' been sober 30+ years,it's easy ok 😁

Once I got out of the habit I was ok. I now drink maybe once every couple of months.

That's great - you're one of the rare ones who can do that.

But sadly most can't and all the statistics back that up.

There are very few former problem drinkers who can sip an occasional glass of wine. I'm not saying none - there are those rare cases - but for most going dry is the only option.

It depends the nature of the problem - how long, how dependent, drinking patterns and so on ... but for most of us, it does usually mean packing it in for good.

Yep me too. I have a bottle of wine probably 4 nights out of seven and I feel shit for it. I find it very hard to go more than 3 days without (god first time I've ever admitted that one!) and it has been a while since I've done it.

Jitters22 has made some excellent points.

There are some excellent books out there if you are wanting to make a change. Annie Grace, My naked mind and William Porter, Alcohol explained are 2 of my favourites.

I was the same as Kitandpup. I gave up for a year and it broke the habit for me. Now I only drink when I go out (which isn't very often) and am much better at reigning that in too (mainly as I can't be arsed with hangovers anymore).

@YeahCorvid I'm a bit the same so have some inkling of how you feel.

I did want to see a counsellor about it but after I'd booked the appointment walked past their offices (very near me) and overheard one of the counsellors being quite rough towards a client. Maybe it was an extreme case and he might have needed physical detox but it completely put me off and I thought 'not a cat's chance in hell'.

I am worried about my increasing dependency on alcohol. I currently consume about half a bottle of wine a night. I used to have two dry nights a week but that disappeared during the lovely long hot summer as it was just so nice to sit out on the warm evenings and drink. I need to reinstate those two dry nights as well as cut down to a third of. A bottle a night. It's hard though, I'll admit as I love the taste and the 'hit'. Will be watching this thread with interest.

I was drinking 5-6 days a week, but to excess but still a fair bit.
Cut down easily to once a week so I am not in the camp that you have to give up altogether because everything in moderation is fine.

If you give up altogether you will crave drink even more

Drank a bottle of wine for years.if you think you have a drink problem you have a drink problem.
No middle ground for me I’m afraid it was all or nothing, it’s been nothing for 9 months now

the problem is, I have got into the habit of drinking at home alone. (kids in bed) Music sounds better, everything is better and less boring. When I don't drink I do different things (better things probably). I need to make it a rule that drinking is an exception and start by not drinking at all.

I've fudged so many boundaries that used to be hard. I used to think friday, saturday, sunday were potential drinking days. then ex left and he has the kids at the beginning of the week so if I go out it's a monday or tuesday. so they became drinking days too. Weekends I still think it's de rigeur to have a drink; so now there are only two non drinking days left in the week, it needs to be at least 4, and for now, 7.

I can drink a shocking amount. I drink faster and more than anyone I know.

That’s a bottle of wine a night, not the same bottle for years😬😬😬😬

Oh absolutely jitters I understand that for some that's the only way. But I didn't want to give the OP the impression that that was the only way she would ditch the problem.

I think when I was in that stage of life had someone told me I couldn't drink anything ever again, I wouldn't have stopped. By telling myself I was stopping for a while I didn't sound so scary if that makes sense?

Each to their own.

Me. Since my brother died I've been drinking every day. Actually since he was first diagnosed.
I can't cope with losing him.

@Cameron2012 really glad you have it sorted in your head and are happier.

I go through phases as using it as a sedative. @YeahCorvid we could be cutting down/being more aware buddies on MN if you like

yes please languid!

thanks to all of you for the thoughtful posts. It may be that I do have to stop forever but I'm going to start with the here and now.

I think it depends on your personality type. Check out The 4 Tendencies by Gretchen Reuben. If you're an abstainer you are an all or nothing kind of person

Ok I did check out the 4 tendencies and it implies I need to tell everyone I am stopping drinking. I am really not ready to do that.

Maybe I have to be.

Drinking really does a job for me. I need to replace what it does. It helps me relax; it helps me feel better; it's a holiday. Even hangovers do a sort of job for me in that they dull my senses and make boring things more tolerable.

I feel very lost and anxious and lonely a lot of the time. I have done all my life, even as a child. I can remember the first time I did something about it with drink and it was amazing. It's hard to face not having that any more. the warm fuzziness

I need to replace what it does

This is key. Unless you do that you're going to find it very hard. I'm a bit in the same boat. I started during my time in an abusive relationship, it helped me cope. When the relationship ended I carried on to cope with the break up. Then something else happened to me and I carried on to cope with that. Now I have no real "reason" to carry on but the habit is hard to break. That first sip of wine in the evening is just such an "aah" moment. It's like "permission to relax". I also need to find something to replace that.

Sorry to hear about the abuse and the other stuff, Storm. Do you have any ideas about replacements?

I've been dating on and off for about a year now and haven't met any really lovely stress free men. I think it might be easier to stop drinking if if I stop dating for a bit too. I thought I was looking for fun and fwbs but most men are just not that nice. and I think it's one of the situations that causes me to need to self soothe though.

I wish I had a nice fwb. I keep auditioning terrible men and never wnating to see them again

Yeah, I have come to the conclusion that men aren't the answer! I think they just make me want to drink more! I thought maybe I wanted an FWB (definitely don't want a full blown relationship) but the men I've met just want the benefits without the friend part! Which then would just make me feel cheap. They want someone they can call when they feel horny but other than that, don't want to know. And if you try and call them then they're "busy" until the next time they get horny!

Honestly I've been thinking of seeing my GP about this drug:
www.ukat.co.uk/medication/nalmefene/
You don't take it every day, it doesn't make you sick when you drink, just takes away the enjoyment. But, it does mean that if you want to still be a social drinker you can. Which I do! It's apparently for people who are not full blown alcoholics but need to reduce their drinking.
Mine is definitely very heavily habit based and I would hope that this could break that.

In terms of things to do instead I would like to get back into some hobbies more. I was never one for sitting in front of the TV all evening but wine and Netflix seems to be my go to now! What I would really like is to do more interesting/productive things in the evenings and maybe have the netflix nights once or twice a week.

I think we are actually the same person, Storm4star.

Right I'm going to make some tea and play the piano. I can't play for shit when I've had even one and a half drinks so that should be on the list of welcome distractions.

Maybe I should get out that cross stitch kit too. It's not really me though. I only bought it because it was so heavily reduced in John Lewis I couldn't stop myself