What stage swimming is ok to stop at?

[ANiceLentilHotpot]

DD (9) has been having swimming lessons for a year. She'd had lessons at another pool when she was younger and hated it and it put her off swimming. When she started these new lessons she wouldn't put her face in the water and refused to get in. The teacher was brilliant and after half an hour she was in the water and had put her face under. The teacher makes the lessons fun and DD started to love swimming and said she wanted to do all the stages and get really good.

She's now at stage 4, but this means a change of teacher (same pool but her other teacher only teaches up to stage 3). The new teacher is very different, very strict, and DD is scared of her. The first lesson she wouldn't get in and got really upset. I eventually managed to get her to sit in the side and the teacher said 'right stop being so silly about nothing, get in the water now'. DD did, and did what she was told for the rest of the lesson but was really upset afterwards. This week she got in the water (although said she didn't want to) but got really upset after the lesson again and said she's not going back.

I can see why she's nervous of the teacher, she shouts instructions and DD says she sometimes doesn't understand them, but if the children get things wrong the teacher shouts at them to do it again because its wrong. DD is very shy and worries about getting things wrong and having everyone looking at her.

I said we should give it a few more weeks to see if she gets used to the teacher, but I know she'll be really upset again next week. Or I suggested trying to find a different pool with a different teacher but DD said she doesn't want to do that either because it'll be unfamiliar and she won't know any of the children.

Should I keep dragging her there even though she no longer enjoys it or is stage 4 enough to keep safe in the water and I take her swimming to keep her enjoying it?

Stage 7. By that time it was survival skills, diving etc.

Stage 4 is too early. I agree though, she must be quite old in stage 4 and I would also have told my DD to stop being silly and get in at that age.

@ANiceLentilHotpot

She's 9. You tell her she's too old to cry to get her own way. And you tell her that this will not be the last teacher she does not like. Will she refuse to read if her English teacher is harsh? Refuse to paint if the set teacher is a bit weird? This is part of kids getting older. If a 5 year old was scared of a teacher, you'd pander to go but a 9 year old? You explain to them rationally that they cannot refuse to do something because they don't like someone. She won't have that option in school. And she's old enough to understand the explanation.

*art not set

They learn swimming far far better amd quicker when they are happy. And slower when scared!

Ive changed swim teacher before and even done a few 1-1s to get over a hump. Both progressed really well. Ive always said Id stop when they completed 7 but in fact completing 6 would probably be good enough at our pool.

Rookie lifeguards os fantastic! I think its aimed at 8-12 year olds and one of mine doea this. They are both now hoping to join club swimming so instead of finishing it.looks like ramping it up a bit!!

Really she needs to be able swim 50 m fully clothed (shoes and all). Plus be able to do a deep long dive. Tread water for 10 minutes and know freestyle and survival side stroke.

But she shouldn’t have to learn those skills with someone that shouts. Can you talk to the teacher or move class times

The new swimming instructor sounds horrible. I hate it when people like that teach children. She sounds like a bit of a bitch really shouting at children and I tell my children that people like her have a problem, not them.

I would try to just get her lessons somewhere else. She won't learn very much if she dreads it each week and I wouldn't want to pay for someone that wasn't very patient with my child. Your daughter sounds like she still needs lessons though so see what else is available.

I think part of the problem is both my DCs are very anxious and shy (I blame myself for that as I am anxious and shy too - I would barely speak to anyone as a child). And I know the difference between them playing up to get their own way, and being genuinely scared.

My other DD struggles with strict shouty teachers too - she dreads her maths lessons because she doesn't like the teacher, and she's actually dropped down a set, possibly partly because she's too scared to ask questions when she isn't sure about something.

None of this is the teacher's fault - it is probably mine and DPs for not making them confident and resilient. Many other children would probably thrive with a no-nonsense teacher and do really well.

Anyway, I've emailed another pool so will see what they say. Will definitely keep up the lessons one way or another.

My youngest was anxious and we did a few things -

Went to "visit" the lesson at the time it would be on - watched the teacher so they knew what sort of thing to expect. Little things like where to line up can phase an anxious child.

Secondly with the youngest we would do a couple of 1-1s with a new teacher to get them used to the teacher and to trust them and then found they slotted into their class fine.

I don't see any need to continue lessons if she can swim a length. Continuing with a teacher she hates will likely just put her off again. Why not just go swimming as a family or with a parent for fun instead?