Do you think extroverts are seen as 'better' than introverts?

[BigSandyBalls2015]

I have twin DDs (late teens) who are very different. One is outgoing, loads of friends, always invited to parties, out every weekend, likes a few drinks, had a girly holiday in a lively part of Greece this year. The other is quieter, has a couple of good friends but they are all fairly quiet, prefer the cinema, meals out, that kind of thing to parties or clubbing. She doesn't like alcohol at all. She's at home a lot more than her sister. Also had a girly holiday, but camping in the UK. I'd say both girls are happy!

I'm increasingly aware that family (particularly MIL!), feel that my quiet twin is missing out and she 'should' be out partying, drinking and 'having fun' as she puts it. She doesn't accept my view that her 'fun' is different from her sister's and it's starting to grate.

I've also seen this attitude in other areas - at work for example, the extrovert outgoing people seem to get on further, the quieter ones get overlooked. As though you have to be seen as extrovert as that translates to 'confidence' which is bulllshit. If anything I'd say my quiet twin was the more confident of the two and more comfortable in her own skin!

It's just made me think about the whole thing in more detail than I ever have before.

Interested in MN views

The thing is, extrovert does not = loud.

Introverts are generally more sensitive to those and their environment which means if they can harness this information and act like an extrovert when it is needed they can rule the world. A lot of them do.

The world is set up for extroverts. Shared, open plan offices with constant buzz and chatter and social stimulus. Working team lunches. Drinkies after work to bond and build team spirit.

I'm a total introvert. Luckily very sociable, mainly driven by my curiosity about people and their stories. I can do X amount of social activity - then I need to get away and be on my own.

I need space and quiet and to be alone for my brain to stay functioning.

Everybody knows how extroverts function because they continually let us know their every thought, feeling, need and desires.
Introverts tend keep these things to themselves.

Everybody knows how extroverts function because they continually let us know their every thought, feeling, need and desires.
Introverts tend keep these things to themselves

^ exactly what I meant above when I said there was a lot of extrovert bashing on mumsnet.
I am likely an extrovert, in that I get my energy from being around people. I am not loud, far from it. I do not tell people my every thought, feeling, need or desire. I am actually quite a private person. People completely misunderstand what being an extrovert means.

Ime introverts are the ones ALWAYS going on about how hard done they are and how their handling of every situation is related to their introversion

Very few people are true introverts or extroverts. Most people sit somewhere along the spectrum, a bit of both depending on situations, life stages, company etc

Ime introverts are the ones ALWAYS going on about how hard done they are and how their handling of every situation is related to their introversion

Certainly on mumsnet threads! So many threads where people say ‘I struggle with this because I’m an introvert’ and ‘I couldn’t possibly do this because I’m an introvert’.

“Today 12:45 Saggital

Introverts are generally more sensitive to those and their environment which means if they can harness this information and act like an extrovert when it is needed they can rule the world. A lot of them do.”

This isn’t true. Being an introvert isn’t about being quiet or sensitive or not wanting to go on girly holidays. As a PP said, it’s about where you draw your energy from.

Yes Soy! “I can’t attend a good friends wedding. I’m such an introvert it would be a nightmare for me” me me me me me me

Reality check, being an introvert isn’t about not enjoying social occasions. That’s social anxiety and you should get some help rather than make self indulgent excuses

And breathe

I always think it’s an advantage in life (providing they are OTT and just plain annoying) but when I think about it most of my friends are more on the intraverted side and work wise I have much more respect for those who quietly go about their work. I do get drawn to more extrovert types but always end up more friendly with the people who are more introverted

It’s really not easy to know whether your friends and colleagues are introverted or extroverted, unless you have given them and analysed detailed questionnaires or are already an expert in identifying it. Most of us don’t have a clue

^ agreed. I generally have no idea whether my friends class themselves as introverted or extroverted. It’s nothing to do with how loud or quiet people are.

I think this is also true in thr workplace. I usually phrase it as confidence takes you a long way. And it does. The quiet ones tend to get overlooked.

It's shit but there it is.

Yes, in our culture. Which is not very bright.

Glad you recognise the difference between your girls op, and it sounds to me that you understand their different personalities and give them encouragement. Just out of interest, are they non identical twins?

I'm forced to be someone I'm not at work because I've to lead meetings, speak up in challenging situations and it's a drain on my resources everytime.

I cringe at the question 'what are you up to tonight or this weekend?' because as well as returning to my other job of raising children, I'll be trying to find time to recover from the day also. No one wants to to hear about that though.

It was DD's birthday party yesterday and I forced myself to make conversation with mums and dad whom I don't know every well. Eventually I singled one out and had a one on one conversation which was more interesting and valuable to me (hope he thought the same :))

I had to lie down and remain quiet for awhile after it.

Think it's about recognising that certain situations won't come easy to you as an introvert and taking the time to recharge after.

I am a fairly quiet extrovert. What most people are describing as extroverts are just loud, enthusiastic, social people. Equally, introverts are not loners. There is no good or bad here, just different. This is not the first “extrovert” bashing thread I’ve seen on here so I would agree with pps who say that on Mumsnet shy unassuming introverts have no problem shouting down those brash and noisy extroverts . I can’t tell an extrovert or introvert by looking at them, because I can’t see what they are thinking.

I'm over 90% introvert, I fully admit to being quite antisocial. I do have lots of friends so I'm lucky in that regard. I see them but not all the time.

I've just returned from a break in Spain by myself. It was awesome. The thought of a "girly holiday" could reduce me to tears. Too many people, too many compromises, way too much noise.

I think the best thing about being introverted is that you are able to be alone, therefore you don't 'need' or rely on others for company.

I have what appears to be an above average need for personal space. I don't really have anyone to my house much because it's my private domain and I like to recharge alone or with very close family only. Too many people is exhausting and I'm quite happy to do my own thing.

I never knew how much personal space I needed until I had DCs as I naturally got enough and looked forward to company inbetween. Now I love time alone! I still do a lot, but not freely spending my own time to myself can be quite draining.

I don't know if I'm more introverted than I realised or if my needs have changed. I am sociable, but have had different groups for different reasons. A big gang of women in their 40s who've done everything together since school mystifies me. That's not a criticism, it's just something that hasn't occured to me or I've had a desire for. I found it odd at school when people had to be supported to do anything with a great gaggle of friends whereas I did what pleased me, and bonus if my friends joined in.

School can be hard on introverts and shy types, such as pressure to participate in group activities and answering to the class (not something I struggled with)

when I was young I had a lot more social needs but I really lacked confidence so for example I didn't have the confidence to say ''can I come too?'' or ''is that invitation open to all of us!'' so a lot of the time I felt quite anxious. Now in my forties I'm more confident and also more introverted. I am happy at home on my own although I do enjoy going out but I don't need to go out as regularly as I used to because I have adapted to find my own solitary diversions more rewarding. I'm really glad. It's a more peaceful place.

I think your quiet twin has her head screwed on! Not that the other hasn't of course, but she sounds like a lovely sensible girl and it will stand her in good stead for the future and to hell with what others think. As long as she is happy that is all that matters.

I realise I didn't answer your question op.

I do believe that extroverts are seen as better in some cases and in other not so much.

Depends on the eye of the beholder but in general the more showey the better in the workplace. I know some extroverts who have got it just right and I feel good talking to them.

Then I see some shouting loud about stuff and those that don't behave like that definitely get over looked, especially if your manager likes people who talk (bullshit).

I just don’t find introverts very appealing