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Original poster

Feeling so self conscious after meeting with friends.

52 replies

CantWeJustBeFriends · 15/09/2018 20:49

I'm going to sound completely pathetic here but I'm feeling so rubbish after what was meant to be a nice meal out with friends.

Just to give some background, DH is away with work so I was meeting with people who are predominantly his friends and I'm more familiar with his friends wives but still not best mates.

Anyway, I looked around the table when we had all finished eating as I was quite thirsty and noticed a few people still had a bit of their drinks left. My DC were playing at the soft play which I knew I could see from the bar and everyone was sort of chatting so I just got up and went to the bar without saying anything. There was a bit of a queue but the staff seemed to be on a major go slow. I waited a while then popped my head round and could see the group I was with were putting their jackets on.

I left the queue and walked back over to the table. One of DH's friends leaned over the table and said "are we ready are we???" to me. I was just like "yeah"! And started to get my belongings together. Then one of the wives came over and said "Did you have a good poo did you" and then laughed, I get that this was a joke but they'd obviously all been laughing about me being away so long (I was 5 minutes). I explained to said wife that I was just at the bar but had then changed my mind as the queue was taking too long.

I used to be very self conscious as I was bullied by a girl at school many years ago and I really have got over that but that feeling of leaving the table and being talked about brings back horrible memories. I just feel rubbish just now. I feel like that 14 year old girl again hearing sniggers as I'm walking away from the table. I know I'm probably being massively over sensitive but I'm not massively confident in the first place. It just makes me feel really rubbish to think people are making a joke of me the minute my backs turned.

Don't really know why I'm posting but hopefully just getting this off my chest will make me feel a little better.

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 15/09/2018 20:52

Poor love, they were insensitive, just enjoy the rest of your Saturday night

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/09/2018 20:53

The wife sounds like a dick. Not funny at all unless there’s some sort of oh so hilarious in joke you’re in on and really mean. Don’t blame you for feeling self conscious and hearing echoes of school bullies.

You poor thing. The thing with twats like this is if you try and address comments which make you feel uncomfortable they shrug and say they were only joking.

HundredMilesAnHour · 15/09/2018 20:53

I think the poo comment was in poor taste, but I also don't understand why you got up to the bar without asking anyone else if they wanted a drink. Seems like some dubious manners on both sides.

FourAlarmFire · 15/09/2018 20:54

They sound like dickheads and I bet some of them were quite shocked she said that. What a stupid insensitive thing to say (especially if you had actually been in the toilet!!)

Racecardriver · 15/09/2018 20:54

Surely that reflects poorly on these so called friends rather than on you. Why are you socialising with people who talk about poo?

LanguidLobster · 15/09/2018 20:54

Hundred I think they still had drinks

ShirleyPhallus · 15/09/2018 20:55

so I just got up and went to the bar without saying anything.

Why didn’t you say “I’m getting another drink, would anyone else like one?”. Just going to get yourself a drink without saying anything is a bit weird!

Original poster
CantWeJustBeFriends · 15/09/2018 20:55

I think the poo comment was in poor taste, but I also don't understand why you got up to the bar without asking anyone else if they wanted a drink. Seems like some dubious manners on both sides.

Everyone had paid their own bills for the meal, it was all paid at the bar so no one had bought other people drinks. I just wanted to grab a quick soft drink before we left as I'd had a glass of wine which had left me feeling very dehydrated.

OP posts:
DDIJ · 15/09/2018 20:56

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

melissasummerfield · 15/09/2018 20:58

I think most people would just laugh off a comment like that and not give it a second thought tbh

Original poster
CantWeJustBeFriends · 15/09/2018 20:59

I think they were maybe all waiting on me to come back for them to leave and then all had a big joke about why I was taking so long as they assumed I'd gone to the toilet.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 15/09/2018 21:00

Crikey I think the person who asked if you had a good poo is the one who should be cringing.

Haireverywhere · 15/09/2018 21:00

I would have said I'm just going to the bar/toilet etc and not offered a drink if you were all getting your own.

But I'm sorry there was a bit of a weird response when you got back. Strange joke!

At least you went though. It's hard if you're not confident naturally. You're not 14. You're OK now Flowers

LanguidLobster · 15/09/2018 21:01

At least you're safe in the knowledge that they're not very funny!

Hope you can relax with a nice drink and put it out of your mind

Original poster
CantWeJustBeFriends · 15/09/2018 21:01

One of DH's friends leaned over the table and said "are we ready are we???"

This was said it quite a sarcastic tone so I'm pretty sure they were all in on the joke.

OP posts:
Original poster
CantWeJustBeFriends · 15/09/2018 21:03

I would have said I'm just going to the bar/toilet etc and not offered a drink if you were all getting your own.

I should definitely have done this... but sometimes when I'm not that confident in the company I'm in, I make the wrong call on this sort of thing.

OP posts:
Dairymilkmuncher · 15/09/2018 21:07

I hate poo jokes too OP I would have felt as uncomfortable as you but don't let it bother you and try and forget about it. Enjoy your husband free night, there's a thread on here of what other MNs do when their husbands are away. And I wouldn't have a problem with those people unless they brought it up again another night, that would be mega strange.

crosser62 · 15/09/2018 21:09

I would have agreed saying I'd had a huge shite & laughed it off but then I'm kinda weird like that.

Can't see why any offence would be meant or taken tbh but I get why you feel upset op.
Here, have these Thanks

Original poster
CantWeJustBeFriends · 15/09/2018 21:11

I should add that the poo joke was made while she was right next to me so the others may not have heard but it was awkward when I walked back over so piecing it together, I'm pretty sure they were all joking about it while I was away. Wouldn't mind if they were my best mates but they're more like acquaintances.

OP posts:
jackio2205 · 15/09/2018 21:11

Hun i really think the joke/laugh was probably more about the fact they're talking about poo over 'you doing a poo', honestly don't think another thing on it.
I used to be huuuuugely over sensitive until someone said to me 'laugh at yourself and dont take yourself too seriously'. I'm not over confident at all but I have learnt to laugh and to 'take it' and it's honestly changed some relationships for the better. Worst case scenario, they were mocking you going to the toilet or you were doing a poo (can't believe I just said that!), isn't it better to go along and all join in a laugh rather than to make a thing of it?
Honestly hun, don't worry about it, I'm sure it was not at all what you think. If you genuinely believe that they do this sort of thing and are sarcastic to you, like genuinely, then why spend time with them? I'm sure that you don't think that hun really, just having a little moment? Sorry if that sounds patronising, I don't mean to, I just feel that we aaaaall have little wobble moments and somethings can knock us a little?
X

ShirleyPhallus · 15/09/2018 21:17

But even if you were buying your own drinks why didn’t you say “do I have enough time for another drink or are we heading off soon?”

Original poster
CantWeJustBeFriends · 15/09/2018 21:20

But even if you were buying your own drinks why didn’t you say “do I have enough time for another drink or are we heading off soon?”

I wasn't bothered if we had time. I would quite happily have downed at least some of it just to get a little drink before we left. Like I said, I was just mega thirsty as I'd only had one drink while we'd been there and that was a glass of wine. Everyone was talking so I thought it would be easier to sneak off and get a quick drink before we left.

OP posts:
Charles11 · 15/09/2018 21:20

Who the hell would make a comment about having a poo in a situation like that? She sounds ridiculous.

Original poster
CantWeJustBeFriends · 15/09/2018 21:21

Now worried that I've come across weird for going to the bar without saying anything Sad maybe I should just stay in from now on.

OP posts:
madeoficecream · 15/09/2018 21:23

Dont give this a second thought! Someone just made a crap joke which they thought was funny. I sincerely doubt that 'everyone was laughing at you'
I would not have found that joke funny if I had overheard... idve just thought 'what an odd thing to say!'

Honestly dont get stressed about this. Its adults not children at school. You might get the odd dickhead bully as an adult but not an entire group of people. I really dont think they will have all been laughing at you or really thinking about it at all. And I also doubt the person who made the poo comment will have thought they were being mean.... its more likely they are just a bit odd and genuinely thought it was a funny thing to say!

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