Feeling so self conscious after meeting with friends.

[CantWeJustBeFriends]

I'm going to sound completely pathetic here but I'm feeling so rubbish after what was meant to be a nice meal out with friends.

Just to give some background, DH is away with work so I was meeting with people who are predominantly his friends and I'm more familiar with his friends wives but still not best mates.

Anyway, I looked around the table when we had all finished eating as I was quite thirsty and noticed a few people still had a bit of their drinks left. My DC were playing at the soft play which I knew I could see from the bar and everyone was sort of chatting so I just got up and went to the bar without saying anything. There was a bit of a queue but the staff seemed to be on a major go slow. I waited a while then popped my head round and could see the group I was with were putting their jackets on.

I left the queue and walked back over to the table. One of DH's friends leaned over the table and said "are we ready are we???" to me. I was just like "yeah"! And started to get my belongings together. Then one of the wives came over and said "Did you have a good poo did you" and then laughed, I get that this was a joke but they'd obviously all been laughing about me being away so long (I was 5 minutes). I explained to said wife that I was just at the bar but had then changed my mind as the queue was taking too long.

I used to be very self conscious as I was bullied by a girl at school many years ago and I really have got over that but that feeling of leaving the table and being talked about brings back horrible memories. I just feel rubbish just now. I feel like that 14 year old girl again hearing sniggers as I'm walking away from the table. I know I'm probably being massively over sensitive but I'm not massively confident in the first place. It just makes me feel really rubbish to think people are making a joke of me the minute my backs turned.

Don't really know why I'm posting but hopefully just getting this off my chest will make me feel a little better.

We're all different. Some would shrug it off as a joke, some wouldn't.
Honestly, try not to dwell on it. Others who were there tonight won't be thinking about it now. That might be the best way to think about it.

They don't sound like very classy people tbh.
Avoid them in future I reckon.

They sound classy...

I'd laugh at this to be fair or say no you dirty fuckers I was at the bar! I really doubt they were sitting there discussing and taking the piss behind your back.

I really doubt they were sitting there discussing and taking the piss behind your back.

I was at an event with the same group before and when I walked back, one of them was whispering about me, so I'm pretty sure it's not all in my head.

They made it out to be nothing on that other occasion so I just let it go and moved on but I think that's partly why this has bothered me more.

Vulgar woman ( her, not you ! )

They don't sound very nice to be around, tbh.

Really hope you're snuggled up feeling relaxed now.

They sound odd and snidey. I wouldn’t be in a rush to socialise with them again, personally.

OP, in the kindest way possible, it was a bit odd for you just to leave the table without saying anything, you left them wondering where you were when they were ready to leave. Yes, I am sure they did comment amongst themselves as to were you had gone but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that they were taking the piss.

The 'joke' was very childish, try and forget about it.

OP, there's nothing wrong with you, and there's nothing wrong with them, only, they're not your kind of people. The woman was vulgar, you are not. Try and put it to the back of your mind Lovely !

Are you sure rhey were whispering about you op? At the other event?

As for this event, I can see how this would happen. You disappeared off without saying anything, they didn't know where you were, so had to sit and wait for you to return, so assumed you were in the loo. Someone probably cracked a joke you were taking a shit because it was taking so long.

Honestly it's not really a big deal, it wasn't personal and would have happened whomever it was who left the table without saying anything.

You're over thinking it, and you're over thinking the whole not sayinf where you were going, and what was going on behind your back, it really wasn't likely to be malicious, it's more your low self esteem and lack of confidence here,

To put it into context, if it had been me my response would have been "if I'd have been taking a shit I'd have told you. I always share that. 😁".

Sometime you've got to accept humour for just that, even if you don't like poo jokes,

If l was you l would not feel bad. That was a horrible ignorant comment from that lady and she should be the one embarrassed. I join lots of different company on a regular basis and have never had such ancouth remark from anyone. So head up. At least you have class.

You didn't do anything wrong. They sound cringey. I wouldn't go out with them again!

Thanks everyone... now sat on the couch with a box of chocolates hoping that eating my feelings will make everything better!

It might help to imagine what's happened to the rest of the group since you left i.e they've gone home to their families, watched tv, made a cup of tea etc etc and (in the nicest possible way) won't have thought about what happened with you at the bar for another second.

I remember in a "confidence boosting" type talk I went to once, the presenter asked us to close our eyes and recall what the person next to us was wearing. Most people couldn't do it, and certainly not in any detail. It was designed to show that in reality people just don't notice or think about us half as much as we think!

Enjoy the rest of your evening

Oh cmon, it was a childish joke that's all, don't encourage this woman to believe people were being unkind about her, because that's hugely, hugely unlikely, it was just a daft joke. How were folks to know she'd be so sensitive she'd react like this?

And cmon op, you're a big girl. You can take a daft joke right? Don't listen to the folks trying to feed your insecurities.

It was a silly joke, no more, no less and not malicious. No one is thinking about it now other than you.💐

Well OP I'm thinking that the person who said that is probably feeling pretty stupid now. What a weird thing to say! No wonder you felt like yr 14 yr old self as thats the age she was behaving! You would have forgotten about it in a while so just try to forget it now.

What an absolutely idiotic, crass & immature thing to have said to you. Stop socialising with these people - or that woman.

Popping to the bar to get a drink was a perfectly normal and ok thing to do. They had drinks, it wasn't a 'get a round' in type of night. All fine.

They'd had a drink and thought they were being hilarious. They would've been exactly the same no matter who had gone to the bar. That woman was being weird and awkward, ignore her.

You've had a drink and that's contributing to you over thinking things and making you feel a bit anxious. Nothing is wrong honestly. Try not to dwell on it anymore, you went out, you're home now, it's not worth another thought.

This would upset me too OP, but then I get socially anxious. And, not saying this is true for you too, but being socially anxious may make things feel worse and more about you than they ever are.

They sound like a bunch of doughnuts. Why do you go out with them? Why do they go out with each other? Don’t they see each other enough at work?

Honestly, I doubt they were talking about you while you were at the bar, it was more likely to be an off the cuff comment.
Perhaps she's feels more comfortable around you to be able to say that than you do her?
I wouldn't give it any more thought