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Original poster

If you are a single mum or a lesbian with a daughter, how do you deal with this?

51 replies

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/09/2018 22:22

Genuine, real poster. I don't want graphic details.

DP has just raised the point that our 17-month-old DD is just starting to get interested in people's bodies. She has baths with us, obviously, but I can't think of any context in which she sees male bodies.

Erm ... what do we do, and when, and how? Is it an issue?

OP posts:

Notcontent · 14/09/2018 22:30

Are you saying you think it’s an issue that she is not seeing any naked males? If so, I don’t think it’s a problem and quite normal really.

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/09/2018 22:38

Is it? It just occurred to me and to DP that she actually could grow up having never seen a boy or a man naked, and presumably that actually is quite unusual. Or do you think children just take it in their stride much more than I am worrying?

OP posts:

KittysMyName · 14/09/2018 22:40

It’s fine! I never saw my Father naked and don’t have any brothers and I turned out ok and wasn’t (too!) freaked out when I saw a naked man for the first time.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 14/09/2018 22:41

I have a brother and dad but can't say a saw a naked man until I was much older!

venusandmars · 14/09/2018 22:41

Some children grow up with brothers, some don't. Some children grow up with fathers who are naked around them, some don't. Some children are educated about the difference between male and female bodies, some aren't. Some children understand the love in same sex marriage, some don't have that opportunity.

We all have different experiences.

AJPTaylor · 14/09/2018 22:42

I have no memory of seeing my Dad naked. My husband is sure he never saw his Dad without a tie on!
Genuinely i dont think its an issue.

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/09/2018 22:43

Whew! Thanks all. We are clearly having and overthinking at 10pm moment!

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 14/09/2018 22:49

I am confident that when the time comes, she will find willies duly hilarious!

That's about age 4-5 from a 'laughing about poos, wees and willies in the school playground' pov. Maybe later for actually seeing one. Don't forget about dogs and horses though

delilahswishes · 14/09/2018 22:52

Eh? Slightly bizarre. I never saw my dad naked, can't see what "life lesson" would need to be gained by this. Your DC will have sex education where the biology will be described she doesn't need to grow up seeing them

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/09/2018 22:54

Let us hope so, lottie!

And yes, indeed, dogs and horses, though it's not quite the same.

delilah - it's one of those stupid things you worry about when you think, eek, is my child missing out on some basic and innocent learning experience because she has two mums.

OP posts:

Smidge001 · 14/09/2018 22:56

though it's not quite the same.

Thank goodness

Babdoc · 14/09/2018 22:57

I just had a sister, no brothers, and had never seen a naked man until I went to the musical “Hair” at the age of 14 and saw Paul Nicholas naked on stage!
I don’t think it was a problem. I then spent 36 years as a doctor, during which I must have seen over ten thousand sets of male genitals in operating theatres. Any novelty soon wore off...!

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/09/2018 22:59

I bet, bab.

OP posts:

RJnomore1 · 14/09/2018 23:01

Just to add - raised in a traditional female female family and never saw a penis in real life til I was erm participating in mutual activity with one.

It's fine!

RJnomore1 · 14/09/2018 23:02

Oops male female family sorry LRD

tabulahrasa · 14/09/2018 23:03

“And yes, indeed, dogs and horses, though it's not quite the same.”

Well yes, they’re better... dogs and horses put them away when they’re not using them.

I don’t think my DC ever saw their dad’s and DS is 4 years older, so DD is unlikely to have seen his when she was old enough to notice.

I do have a photo somewhere of her and random neighbourhood kids naked in a paddling pool when she was about 3 - I think that’s usually when they see penises? Friends’ DC when potty training or nappy changes, stuff like that.

HollowTalk · 14/09/2018 23:04

Do you know anyone who has had a little boy? I think that's how most girls learn about male bodies.

LemonysSnicket · 14/09/2018 23:04

Show her the sex education show around age 10/11

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/09/2018 23:04

When the time comes just show her a 70s naturism documentary.

PoesyCherish · 14/09/2018 23:07

I think they take it in their stride. I grew up with two heterosexual parents and rarely saw my Dad naked. Actually the only time I did see him naked was if he was running to the bathroom for a shower and thought I was downstairs.

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/09/2018 23:08

at tabula.

hollow - actually, no! She has two boy cousins who are past the age of undressing in front of anyone, and though she had an entire NCT group of boys, we moved, so we don't see them any more. She does seem to exist in an almost entirely female world!

It occurs to me belatedly that probably a sample group of one lesbian mum (my DP) is not the best focus group to target if you want an unbiased answer to the question 'did you find penises scary when you first saw one'.

I should probably not worry!

OP posts:

newtlover · 14/09/2018 23:11

actually I think OP's original point has merit
I had a brother and saw his penis, (when little) but can remember being - I dunno- slightly apalled at the adult version when confronted with it as a teenager (I overcame this)
I think if I had no small males in my family I would try and arrange an an encounter. I don't now how you would arrange that with an adult (the mind boggles) but all our dc saw both me and DP (male) naked in our natural habitat so hopefully no nasty shocks for any of them.

Thinkingallowed85 · 14/09/2018 23:12

I can sort of see your point OP but surely you can just buy a kids book. My kids have an old usborne book that has all the ‘parts’!

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/09/2018 23:14

think - I was assuming most children had seen the real thing before books/sex education!

I am slightly tongue-in-cheek now because I expect she will be fine. But, like newt, I can think of women I know who were genuinely a bit shocked or horrified, and I reckon we can probably all agree actually seeing a penis for the first time in the flesh might be a bit of a surprise if you'd not seen one before.

OP posts:

civicxx · 14/09/2018 23:24

I have a daughter aged 8 who untill about 2 years ago only ever lived with me. She had only ever seen me naked bar maybe men topless on holiday but never batted an eyelid. Me & my boyfriend live together now & ive never given it much thought untill I saw your post but I could walk in the room with 3 boobs out & 4 buttcheeks & she wouldn't notice but if my partner is ever lounging in a pair of shorts (proper shorts not boxer shorts) without a top (usually after a shower or just having cereal whilst pottering) she does always seem to make it known that she knows he has no top on, never given it much thought untill now!

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