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Original poster

How do you decide who takes time off?

41 replies

SleepyMcEdie · 12/09/2018 17:10

DS (22 Months) has just thrown up everywhere. Means he can’t go to the childminders tomorrow.

I’m a teacher and work part time so I’ve been off today luckily but should be in work tomorrow. DH works full time in finance.

DH has taken time off before but I’ve probably done slightly more sick days.

Tomorrow he has meetings booked in all day, but this is usual for him. I obviously have classes all day.

How do we decide who takes the day off!?

OP posts:
Doje · 12/09/2018 17:15

Flip a coin? Confused

We take each one as it comes, but DH has a full time and has been in his job for 8 years. I only do two days and have been in my job for 18 months. Generally, we feel it is easier for him to do sick days as his job is more secure. I do more of the dashing home at lunch time as nursery have called and the kids have a temperature, as I'm much closer.

Kemer2018 · 12/09/2018 17:17

Whose job can you not afford to lose?

DorothyGarrod · 12/09/2018 17:20

We take it in turns. I don’t buy the ‘more important job’ takes priority as that disproportionately affects women. DH and I did have one memorable row about it once and that day we divided the day. It’s not easy but it shouldn’t always be one person unless that person has a super flexible role.

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Families
Fluffyears · 12/09/2018 17:24

Depends who can get cover more easily. I worked with a woman whose husband refused to take child sick days and she yelled at him to prepare to eat his Christmas dinner alone as she’d be making up time at work.

Original poster
SleepyMcEdie · 12/09/2018 17:25

DH has never had a sick day himself and never uses all his annual leave. He can work from home but that doesn’t help if he has meetings scheduled and he can’t really watch a toddler at the same time.

I guess tomorrow I only have 2 lessons that need covering as the rest are A-Level so it’s not such a bad day, but still comes at a cost for the school.

DH also has annual leave booked for Friday for a wedding so really needs to be in work tomorrow.

I just feel bad after just having 6 weeks off!

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepyMcEdie · 12/09/2018 17:26

Kemer neither of us would lose our jobs over one day- DH is NHS and I’m education so we are fairly secure with fair employers.

OP posts:
pitterpatterrain · 12/09/2018 17:28

Depends on who has the least movable meeting, sometimes we both wfh together when they are sick so that we can cover each other’s key calls

Butterymuffin · 12/09/2018 17:28

Could you split the day? If that would allow you to do your non A level classes and for him to do half his meetings, that's better than nothing.
Otherwise flip a coin and agree that whoever doesn't take this day will do the next one that comes along.

RabbitsAreTasty · 12/09/2018 17:30

We take turns. Mostly. Sometimes somebody has something particularly special to make it different. One of us needing another day off for something important later in the week would fall into that category.

gamerwidow · 12/09/2018 17:30

In the situation you describe you should take the day off. You’ve got less work that needs you there tomorrow. I’ll sure they’ll be other times when the situation is reversed and you have the most pressing need and then he’ll have to stay home.
With me and DH we always look at who can most easily be at home that day. If I have lots of meetings he’ll stay home or if he is the only one in because everyone else is off on annual leave I’ll stay home etc.

Original poster
SleepyMcEdie · 12/09/2018 17:41

Unfortunately my two non A-level classes are right in the middle of the day and I work 45 minutes away, DH works 1 hour from home in the other direction!

We have split the day before but it wouldn’t work on this particular day.

OP posts:
JuniperJerry · 12/09/2018 17:53

Can you get an emergency nanny from an agency?

Original poster
SleepyMcEdie · 12/09/2018 17:54

Juniperjerry not here no, we are quite rural. I wouldn’t leave him with a stranger anyway at this age. It would be really distressing for him.

OP posts:
triwarrior · 12/09/2018 18:05

We either alternate depending on workload, or we use one of our backups - we have a pretty decent network of (paid) people who can step in.

Slightly OT, perhaps, but I really think as a two working-parent household, you really need to have a backup in place for times when you have unexpected absences in place. I wouldn’t be too terribly impressed if a teacher was out to cover a child’s illness as their absence affects so many people. In your situation I’d likely have your husband stay home and dial into his meetings - he can always put the phone on mute if your child may be a little loud. Not ideal, but in the absence of other alternatives...

Svanhildur · 12/09/2018 18:06

We take turns or split the day. Assigning one job lower status is a road to resentment and almost always perpetuates gender inequality.

Surely nobody should be in danger of losing their job because of having to take time for an ill child. If anyone seriously thinks about this in terms of whose job they could afford to lose, maybe join a union.

crazydoglady6867 · 12/09/2018 18:11

Is it still a real worry about whose job you can’t afford to lose when taking days off for children? I can’t believe we are still having these worries. Sorry to hijack post with my rant. I would take it myself as I was part time and that is how we played it in the 1990’s didn’t think it was still like that though. TBH if your son looked and felt ok in the morning I would send him in unless he was sick at nursery and they know, but then I was always a naughty mummy😊

Bowlofbabelfish · 12/09/2018 18:12

We do half each. Who does each specific one depends on what’s in our calendars for the day. We’ve also split days before as well. No family around to help, unfortunately. We both make sure we have goodwill from work by covering for others, and covering late meetings if needed too from home.

Try to not fall into the ‘his job is more important ‘ thing - once you start down that road small things add up and it’s difficult to reverse the pattern.

Svanhildur · 12/09/2018 18:14

In this case since your DH 'owes' you some sick days, having done fewer than you, and he usually has a lot of meetings so tomorrow does not qualify for special circumstances, I think he should take the day.

You are also covering a lot for him by working part time, meaning if your child is ill on your day off it's not even a consideration for him. The give and take of career facilitation is already unbalanced so imo he does owe you.

Original poster
SleepyMcEdie · 12/09/2018 18:15

True artist- do you have any idea where we might find this back up childcare?

There are no nanny agencies that work in this area- I’ve looked. We have a childminder but they won’t take a child who is ill. We have no friends or family that can help.

OP posts:
mostdays · 12/09/2018 18:15

My employer is far more flexible than DH's so we default to me doing it unless I have things on at work that cannot be moved in which case he does it.

DH is an hourly paid skilled worker; I am a salaried professional. DH just does not get the autonomy that I get. Unmovable meetings/ tribunals etc aside, I can take Thursday off at short notice and work til midnight Friday/ come in Sunday/ etc to make up the time and catch up on the work. If DH takes Thursday off at short notice, he has no opportunity to make up the time (so we lose income we really need) and no way of catching up on the work (so his job suffers). He will also probably lose his job after a while. That is the reality of most lower status job roles.

aperolspritzplease · 12/09/2018 18:16

Dh is a teacher and claims he can never take a day off if they're sick, or leave early, or go in 10 minutes late.

It all falls to me. Thankfully I have a decent employer and can WFH if needs be. Winds me right up though that he has never been willing to ask.

Original poster
SleepyMcEdie · 12/09/2018 18:20

Sorry autocorrect in my above post changed triwarrier to true artist!

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepyMcEdie · 12/09/2018 18:22

I don’t know what sort of school he works in aperol but he could if he needed to. Every school I’ve worked in has a policy that allows up to 5 days as emergencies for a sick dependent.

I have done a half day in the past and split it, and have had to leave school half way through the day numerous times to collect poorly DS as I’m the nearest to his childminder.

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triwarrior · 12/09/2018 18:28

It’s not easy, certainly. But critical. We live overseas, so no family to help. So we made a real effort to become immersed in the community - neighborhood, school, church, etc. So we have a network of current and former nannies, SAHMs, retired or semi-retired people, older teens during school holidays.

Bubblysqueak · 12/09/2018 18:29

It depends who's got what going on. If either of us has meetings then they take priority, but when I was teaching DH usually took time off as it was easier (unless he had something important at work).