I've left it too late and I'm sad

[anonandon1]

I am blessed to have a dc who is nearly 7. The first 4 years were very hard and we didn't adjust well to parenting. We almost split up, my career suffered, we have no family support and we couldn't contemplate another child. Fast forward to a couple of months ago and I have started to feel like I could do it all again., we are older and wiser! but now it's also too late for a number of reasons ., I'm old, the age gap is big and I think it won't happen anyway which makes me sad. But I think had I really wanted another I would have been brave enough to feel the fear and do it anyway! So I think it's my ovaries talking ... tick tock it's almost too late ( I'm early 40s) but I feel sad and pissed off with myself but at the same time I have to remind myself why we didn't at the time. It's bothering me and I feel like I can't move on and enjoy my life and my gorgeous child. I hope it will get easier with time... is it maybe a form of grief for what I thought I wanted but ultimately didn't?

Has anyone else felt like this ?

The age gap is nothing - it really isn't. Listen to your inner self and bollocks to your career. It's now or never.

I had DS at 42 with a 13 year gap between him and DD. It's been fine apart from finding myself a single parent when DS was 2. In fact I had a better birth the second time round, recovered quicker and at 49, I am perfectly able to run round with him and we have a lot of fun! I don't feel remotely like an older mother. Don't be put off, if it's meant to be it will be!

I don't want to be unsympathetic, but it does sound like you are happy being sad.

You didn't enjoy the first four years of your child's life, but the idea of not being able to repeat this purgatory with another child is now spoiling your enjoyment of this stage of his life.

OP, I understand your sadness. Mybastard exH left me when I was pregnant with my DS.

I didn't find love again until DS was 11. When we got married I was 38. I went to the OBGYN (in the US) to determine if I was fit enough for pregnancy. He did a smear test and cancer cells were found. I was scheduled for a total hysterectomy the following week. Lost uterus, and ovaries.

I was crushed and so was my DH. He had no bio children and really wanted on. My dreams of 2 were gone.
However, my DH is the only father my son has vere had and we moved to raise him to a handsome man.

You can still try a 5 percent chance of getting pg is better than no chance.
I believe what's meant to be will be.

Good luck!

*ever known.. sorry

Also after being crushed I went into medically induced menopause. That's another story though! 😁

anonadon1 thank you for the lovely reply. Unfortunately in our case our DS is lonely and he’s told me so. His Dad is an only child and we have a very small circle of family. I have 3 sisters 71, 62 and 52. The latter has no children and the older sisters all their children are in their 30s/40s. My DS last GP died 4 years ago. So basically when we pop our clogs DS will be on his own.
For other people reading this thread, although it is a worry that my DS will be an only child we wanted another child first and foremost and were not having one so that our DS would have company when we’re gone and as others have made the good point that there’s no guarantee they’ll get on.

Go for it, don't live with the regret!

Thanks for all the messages and sorry for those who have tried and suffered losses.

For those who have actively chosen not to have anymore do you ever regret or question your decision? Do you get over the what if feeling? I suppose when it's too late it's too late but I don't want to wonder for the next few years

And coyoacan I am not happy being sad thanks

I have made a decision for lots of good reasons and I am sad about it but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's not the right decision.

I am just asking if anyone felt like this as it's helpful to hear that I'm not the only one who feels like it