Sodding spiders

[AliciaJohnson]

First of all I imported a bugger into the kitchen when I brought a bucket in from the back garden (not realising one was attached to it). I know not where it is now, which makes me feel all weird and horrible. I hoovered up a Sainsbury's bag that was on the floor, in the hope it was hiding somewhere in said bag. I have since then bleached the floor as one of the DC threw up on it, so I am hoping the bleach might have finished it off (I spread it around somewhat).

Then I tried to go for a wee, and there was another bugger waving at me on the stairs. It was fucking massive. I put my spider-proof outfit on (bit like a bee-keeping suit, but less official - anything that means a spider might not actually touch me) and hoovered it up. I then left the hoover running for about an hour, just to be sure.

But I just want the spidercunts to go away and not bother me.

I'd like them to fuck off to somewhere else too. There was the biggest fucker in the bath last night, he'd made his way elsewhere by morning, probably into my bed 😫

I did squish the one who dropped onto me from the ceiling last week though, it was the shock, and you can hear these fuckers stomping around in their doc martens!

FutureMrsB, Oh God. They can just fuck off to spiderland, and then fuck off some more.

Reminds me of the one that suddenly landed on the floor when my sisters and I were teenagers. It actually thudded when it landed. We all ran several miles.

I wish I was one of those calm people who were gentle and kind around spiders, but I'm not. Sometimes I try to do the right thing with a glass and paper but more often than not I screech and quakingly try to smack it.

Actually there's one in my bedroom right now, a spindly medium size thing, I couldn't bring myself to assault it so we're cohabiting.

I wonder why they induce so much fear?

You want to keep the spindly ones that hang about in corners. They kill and eat the big fuckers.
There's a current thread about it somewhere.

Ooh yikes @dontticklethetoad, I'm not sure that's bedtime reading!

Yessss make friends with the spindly babes

They mind their own business, stay out of the way, and eat the big stupid fuckers

I too would love to know why they make me feel the way they do. Is it some evolutionary thing left over from when we all lived in caves and mainly encounted ones that were venomous?

The other week one was arsing about in the front room and got where the hoover wouldn’t reach. I sprayed it with flea spray and evacuated the room then in the morning paid a child a pound to go in and hoover its corpse up. It wasn’t even my child he was here on a sleepover. I’m not proud.

Erm, guys? You know the hoover doesn’t kill them don’t you?

May I ask, is it this kind which kill the big bastards? ...

Photo didn't work, trying again...

Oh no, no photos please!

Now I just look silly!

Just go away with photos. Thank you.

I know, thanks to MN, that the spindly types cannibalise the fat buggers. So I am now officially allowing the spindly ones house space. They do at least tend to stay put. Unlike the fat-bodied sods, who need blasting into outer space.

As for you, @BifsWif, I don't want to hear this. I left the Henry running for at least 30 minutes after its encounter with Mr Fucklegs. I know Dysons mash them up, but I haven't got a Dyson. If need be, I will put cling-film over the nozzle now.

I have a dyson

I’m taking no chances

I do try and remive them humanely where possible but it isn’t always possible. And like charlie brooker once said ‘I don’t get the “just put it outside” mentality. If you found a murderer in your house, would you just put him outside?’

I felt very smug removing spiders with a hoover until someone told me this. I googled, alas it is true. I like to spend my time informing other people and ruining their day.

Get the clingfilm.

I resort to just not opening any windows at this time of year. Opened one last night whilst cooking and a flying daddy long legs got it. I cannot abide them!

Love "spidercunts" - my favourite word

Ah yes dontticklethetoad that was a fascinating thread. Had no idea that those spindly ones - cellar spiders I think they’re called - were the big fact fuckers nemesis!! However, what I dont understand is why they persist in hanging about in my loo when the fat fuckers are barrelling about in the hallway looking for spider sex. Location is clearly everything.

Beverley now i am really confused. I have always thought that daddy long legs are crane flies ie those stupid flies that blunder around looking exactly like these spindly spiders but with wings. I think that info/pic is wrong!

Shake n Vac. It drives them mental, open the windows and watch them scuttle away.

I've got a false widow living on my kitchen sash window. It has its own little space it can hide in, so I can't remove it humanely. I don't use a bagless vacuum cleaner, so I can't suck it up and sling it out the window.
It sits on its web looking uber malevolent with its large abdomen, most of the time, or it sits in its 'cave' with four legs showing.
Judging by the state of the window, its been there a while and I noticed it on Sunday.
I originally thought it was a cellar spider because I have those and left cobwebs and fly carcasses alone.
Because I have sash windows, daddy long legses ( if that's even a word) are too fucking stupid to work out how to get in.

I was standing n the bathroom last night and glanced down and there was an enormous one with thick hairy legs 6 inches from my foot. It was at the bottom of the radiator and I think it was planning to climb into the towels. I managed to put the toothmug over it and get a bit of paper to slide under it. The toothmug was only just big enough. It's feet made a noise on the paper as it ran round the mug. Put it outside. Cat watched with interest lazy bugger

@LuluJakey1 yeah mine was always rubbish at spider patrol - they don't know what they're there for, do they?

She used to eat them but wasn't interested last night. Her brother ignores them completely.

I started another thread with a photo of one spider (I think it's a snake spider) eating another outside of our kitchen. The spider that did the catching and eating was a third of the size of the one it had caught- which was huge. There's a very gruesome photo.

Luckily your thread had 'photo' in the title

Someone said upthread that there was a thread recently about the smaller ones eating the larger scuttlers. I didn't dare search.

So now I'm scared to change my hoover bag.
Had an absolutely massive one the other day on the chest of drawers next to my bed. It was heading towards me at high speed. Did a shouty Cagney and Lacey roll off the bed and got it with a well aimed book. It was the biggest one I've seen in the house to date.
My bedtime peace of mind is completely shattered now.
I'm convinced I give off spider pheromones so the male ones are all coming to try and hump me. Every time we get one it's always running towards me, not away.

I am terrified of the big spiders and am genuinely pleased to hear the spindly ones eat the big ones (I don't mind the spindly ones) but how do they manage it? They're so puny compared to the big ones 《shudder》

@Threewheeler1 aww, don't you want a little spider lurrrve?

They might feel hurt and rejected that they didn't get to lovingly hump your ankle with tenderness