Do you find the term miscarriage / miscarry offensive?

[Crunchymum]

Just reading an article DM so I don't look it and that annoying bloke from Dawson's Creek was saying how he thinks there should be a new word as "mis carry" apportions blame to women.

Having had 6 losses I've never given it much thought. He is just being a twat right?

• should be DM so I didn't link it

no?

Well I think it’s better than spontaneous abortion.

Does it really apportion blame to the woman? I’ve never considered that it does.

I haven't read the article but I don't like the word as it insinuates something the woman has done wrong.

I kind of agree with him. I've always hated the term as it seems to suggest the woman (or her body) has somehow done something "wrong". Not to say the term "miscarriage" apportions blame but it does suggest that if one were going to look for a reason for the "miscarriage" it would lie with the woman's body because it was the woman's body carrying the baby.

However, I'm a miserable old feminist so always read into these things deeply.

I don't think the term will change any time soon and it'snot something I'm so offended by I won't say in public or will encourage others not to say.

I'm not sure what a good alternative would be.

As a miserable old feminist though, I do raise eyebrows when men are the ones raising issues like this. Smacks of performative wokeness. Men who shout up about these kinds of issues, I find, tend to be some of the most misogynistic.

I always think the term "miscarried" is more appropriate for the kind of situation where you've put your back out by carrying a truck-load of Ikea furniture up several flights of stairs without bending your knees effectively.

I hated the word ‘loss’ at the time because I felt it suggested some sort of carelessness and lost things can be found. I expect it’s different for each person. I still hate the word ‘loss’ for a death.

I've had five miscarriages and I haven't ever really thought about the word before and have used it numerous times to describe my situation. Yes I did blame them on me and my body but that was the initial guilt. Over time I realised it wasn't my fault. I don't think changing the word will change any of that.

I use loss more as shorthand than anything, but I see the term loss (in this context) as a euphemism as opposed to something that has been lost.

But what should we call it instead then? Perhaps pregnancy loss? That seems to be a fairly common term as well.

I've had one miscarriage and honestly never thought about the word. Perhaps because it was dealt with in my second language which is rather more brutal about it ('foetus death').

So no I haven't found it offensive or thought that it suggested it was my fault, but I suppose I see the point being made. When you think about it, it does seem like the woman made some sort of mistake somehow.

Yes, loss does suggest a sort of carelessness as well. Good point.

I don't suppose there's any way we can think of a word that sounds nice as it's not a very nice thing to happen.

No. I get the idea, like miscarriage of justice, right? But no I don’t think it’s offensive.

I don’t care enough to find the article but it does grind my gears when no matter how well intentioned, a Man has Arrived to Grace Us With His Opinion.

The proper medical term is 'spontaneous abortion', which has offended a lot of people.

Miscarriage is definitely preferable.

Of course it’s not a nice word, but it’s not a nice thing. It’s just a medical term (and yes, better than spontaneous abortion). It’s never occurred to me that the word might apportion blame, either.

So perhaps this man needn’t speak on behalf of women, eh?

I’m aware that I’m sensitive about that particular word so I don’t get prickly about it when others use it but in my head I scream, ‘I didn’t fucking lose the baby, it died’. I think that because it is awful when it happens, maybe we focus on something that can be changed like the word used.

There is a lot of insensitive language in obsestrics. I was told my labour had ‘failed’ to progress. When miscarriage I was told I had ‘retained product’ and a dr told me I would need an abortion pill.

Assuming his partner or wife has had a miscarriage, why is he a twat? Men can't win this one. Step away from issues around pregnancy and be accused of laziness and sexism, step up and speak out, be accused of bloody mansplaining.

I don't agree with changing words, usually. But he's got an opinion and presumably it's based upon his personal experience.

I sort of agree with him. When you look at other 'mis' prefixed words they do kind of feel blaming, misspelt, misbehaved, misread. I can't honestly think of another term though and as pp says'spontaneous abortion' is awful.

I don’t like the term but that’s probably because I’ve heard it far more times than I would ever want anyone to. I always felt like “miscarrying” feels like there is somehow a way to do something different to not end up there. Same as how you misplace something or misunderstand a saying- there is a clear way to correct these when actually with miscarriage there isn’t. I don’t like loss either- I didn’t lose anything. My baby died. I know exactly where that baby is and to call it a loss somehow makes me feel like I was a bit forgetful and popped it down somewhere and just forgot where.

But then I’m a miserable old boot and can’t actually think of any term I’d “like” with regard to miscarriage/baby loss. It’s definitelt better than having the baby referred to as the “products of conception” though!

There is a lot of insensitive language in obsestrics. I was told my labour had ‘failed’ to progress

I think this is a bit of a stretch. Failed to...just means 'did not'. As opposed to 'failed' with no qualifier

I'm with GeorgePorge.

I actually think 'spontaneous abortion' is preferable (in that it simply describes what happens - the body aborts the gestation process), or would be if it weren't overlaid with the more familiar meaning 'abortion' has come to take on. If everyone had always called that 'termination of pregnancy', for example, I think it would be a better alternative. 'Miscarriage' does imply fault and blame, if you think about it - whether with the woman herself or with her body.

(DOI: 6 mcs)

60sname your response he made me a little cross. There is a lot of pressure put on women to give birth ‘naturally’ and many many women, including myself then struggle to deal with negative feelings including guilt when they need to have an EMCS or even an ELCS.

I've had 2 and never thought about those implications before, but I rarely use the word anyway. I used 'lost a pregnancy' as it sounds the most accurate but least emotive.

I have thought similar before - that the "mis" is suggesting that the "carrying " was somehow not done properly/well enough.

But as I am fortunate enough to have never experienced this, I don't feel qualified to voice my opinion

I don't like the term, but I can't put my finger on why not.
I say my babies died, because that is what happened. They were my babies the second I saw that line and they always will be. I didn't mis-carry them, I did all the right things (to the letter) and I carried them beautifully and loved and cherished every single second of all my pregnancies and feeling my babies grow inside me. 'Miscarriage' just seems so flippant to me.