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Original poster

Tips to lower my sex drive?

67 replies

PorridgeIsYummy · 11/09/2018 07:10

Hi,

I have a healthy sex drive but no real outlet for it. I manage well most days; however, it does go a little crazy when I'm mid cycle, which I know it's not unusual. It can get very distracting then and I would like to be able to focus on what's important, rather than fantasising about sex or feeling upset.

Does anything work? I want to emphasise my libido is perfectly normal and most definitely not a medical issue, so I'm not looking at medication. Just general tips. I've read sport can be good for this, but in my case it only makes me more aware of my body, which can have the opposite effect.

Thanks!

OP posts:
NewDirectionNeeded · 11/09/2018 09:33

And just to add, if you're saying you have a perfectly normal libido, then you don't need any strategies anyway.

The advice I would give you and most others, I'd assume, isn't the advice you want.

AhoyDelBoy · 11/09/2018 09:37

^ As per NewDirectionNeeded above
Confused

Djnoun · 11/09/2018 09:40

Have an affair.

Babdoc · 11/09/2018 09:46

Well there are options:
Divorce DH and find a new partner with a normal sex drive
Stay married but have an affair or succession of one night stands, with or without DH’s knowledge and consent
Stay married and spend the rest of your life as a celibate nun, becoming ever more resentful and bitter at your DH for inflicting this on you.
Take up Olympic standard wanking as a hobby.
Any of those appeal, OP?

DearTeddyRobinson · 11/09/2018 09:53

Are you waiting for someone to validate you having an affair OP? Because it seems like you are shooting down any reasonable suggestions

Original poster
PorridgeIsYummy · 11/09/2018 09:54

Sorry, I didn't realised there was a thread just like this going on. How did I miss It?

OP posts:
ThanksItHasPockets · 11/09/2018 09:57

Are you on hormonal contraception? The progesterone-only mini pill Cerazette absolutely torpedoed my libido.

Branleuse · 11/09/2018 09:59

Could you negotiate an open relationship.

Seems a bit unfair to expect complete monogamy if youre never actually up for sex.

Original poster
PorridgeIsYummy · 11/09/2018 10:02

I can't believe some posters are being so unpleasant to me. Have I said anything wrong? The to be some of you are using is uncalled for.

OP posts:
Stephisaur · 11/09/2018 10:21

@porridgeisyummy I was going to suggest a toy, but I see that's already been suggested. I agree that it's not the same as the real thing, but it really helped me! I found myself super horny around ovulation when I came off the pill. Poor DH didn't know what was going on.

In hindsight, the pill lowered my libido. I didn't feel like that at the time, I was still in the mood for sex a fair bit, but it didn't dominate my life in the same way. I was on Cerazette and I really got on with it. I will go back on it once baby is born :)

knittedwoollenmouse · 11/09/2018 10:48

SSRIs lower sex drive significantly.

trulybadlydeeply · 11/09/2018 10:57

How often are you having sex? Is it a case of he wants sex once a week and you want every day? Or is he refusing to have sex or any kind of intimacy at all?

You need to discuss this with him, and reach some sort of compromise. Intimacy is a crucial part of a marriage, and if you are feeling rejected then the resentment will build and build, and spill into other areas of your relationship, which it may have done already.

I have been in this situation, OP. My husband refused to have sex for many years. I was just expected to put up with it. I felt rejected, ugly and alone. It destroyed our relationship. In the end I took drastic action and lost a great deal of weight, 17 stone of it to be precise...

gamerchick · 11/09/2018 11:03

You can't lower your libido during ovulation. It's the body wanting an egg fertilised and will go out of its way to make it happen.

The only things you can do have already been suggested. You either stop ovulation chemically, use toys or find someone who does want to sleep with you.... Whether that's in your marriage or not.

No intamacy is a killer, even if your husband doesn't want sex he could at least give you some skin to skin and intamacy for bonding. You'll end up miserable and vulnerable if someone shows you attention you have a spark with.

Or ultimately you can stay the way you are.

gamerchick · 11/09/2018 11:07

*intimacy even stupid phone

NewDirectionNeeded · 11/09/2018 11:18

OP, I hope you're not referring to me Confused

I'm not meaning to be nasty at all. That would be my last intention! I would genuinely like to give you advice, I'm just not sure anyone can if you don't want to talk about your relationship and you feel as though your libido is completely normal.

If you're saying that physical intimacy with another person is the only way, rather than just using sex toys etc and you've accepted you won't be getting that from your dh, then it does sound like you are maybe considering an affair. I'm not saying you are.

As I said, nobody can give you tips to control a perfectly healthy sex drive.

Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not trying to be mean.

Original poster
PorridgeIsYummy · 11/09/2018 11:45

Hi, thank you. What I've said all along was that I was looking for tips to suppress my sex drive. I don't want to have a sex drive anymore.

I appreciate there might not be many solutions. I don't want to take antidepressants because I'm not depressed. Taking the pill is something I could perhaps consider, but when I used it in my 20s it used to give me these awful migraines - I'd rather avoid it, I think. Plus the irony of using a birth control method in my circumstances makes me sad. I'm not really keen on using medication as I've said before.

Someone mentioned some tantrum methods to help channel the sexual energy into creativity and this sounds like a good idea, I will explore. Thanks.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
PorridgeIsYummy · 11/09/2018 11:51

Somebody asked how often I had sex with my husband and how often I would like to have it. Last time was in April 2017. Last time he made me come was perhaps 3 years ago.

I'd be happy with a couple of times a week, even once a week. But it's not going to happen. I've come to accept this over the course of many years and now I need to work on suppressing my urges as much as possible. This is so I can focus on work rather than on sexual thoughts and generally so I can be more at peace.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 11/09/2018 11:56

You're more patient than I am OP. My husband knows that no intimacy is a deal breaker and I will leave him. No sex can be dealt with but not that. Your soul slowly dies a piece at a time when your natural human urges to touch another human being is taken away from you. You end up feeling lonely and rejected. It's just a matter of time before an affair happens imo.

Original poster
PorridgeIsYummy · 11/09/2018 12:02

It's hard to sleep next to such a beautiful man day in, day out, and know that if I reach out I'll be gently turned down. That I have a fit and healthy body, but I have to watch it grow old. That I'm looking forward to the menopause so I can have peace.

Argh. It's shit.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 11/09/2018 12:14

Peace in menopause?! OP - I am 55 and still have an active sex life and social life actually, with DP. I don't know where this notion that menopause cuts off your sex drive and that's that, has come from.

But anyway, if there's a form of Bromide to drink that's safe for human consumption you could try that

Original poster
PorridgeIsYummy · 11/09/2018 12:20

Oh no! Sorry, I didn't mean to be insulting. It's just that you hear that for many women, menopause causes a drop in libido, but I might be wrong. Apologies.

OP posts:
RedPencil · 11/09/2018 12:31

I know you don't want to hear it but I think you need to consider couples counselling. You're never going to be happy with the level of intimacy in your relationship, I don't think that will go away whether your libido reduces or not. You and your husband are on an uneven keel and I don't think lessening your libido will help as much as you're hoping.

KellyMarieTunstall2 · 11/09/2018 12:39

The mini pill will zapp your libido. Agnus castus might help too.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 11/09/2018 12:41

I didn't suggest therapy for a "perfectly healthy libido", OP.

I suggested therapy because you are in an untenable situation, and it is going to have an increasingly detrimental impact on you.

BooMare · 11/09/2018 12:46

Go on the pill

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