I have the most resilient child in the UK.

[PolkerrisBeach]

Really thought that starting secondary would mean leaving this crap behind but obviously not.

DD has just turned 13. She has just started her second year at High School (we're in Scotland). Every year her school puts on this massive charity extravaganza with a catwalk fashion show, canapes, black tie ball. All very posh, high profile, raises a packet for whatever charity they've chosen that year, run very professionally.

Open auditions to take part. Out of the 200 students in her year, around 100 put themselves forward (mostly girls). DD is sure she's in with a good chance as she's danced since pre-school and is good at picking up and remembering dance routines. She was told today she's not been selected. According to her, all the chosen ones are the "cool crowd", the slim, pretty, sporty crowd. She says she's not bothered but she most definitely is.

DD is one of those "average" kids who gets left out constantly. She's not an academic superstar but doesn't struggle. She's not sporty and not musical. She causes the teachers no issues and just puts her head down and gets on with it. All through Primary she was constantly putting herself up for Class Rep, or sports rep, or a part in the pantomime, or a poetry reading competition, or all manner of other committees and so on. Never got picked. And now it's starting all over again and she's feeling so sorry for herself.

I know not everyone can get chosen and I know there are some golden children who go through life getting picked for everything and the teachers aren't doing it on purpose to be evil but fuck me, I'm gutted for her.

On the flip side, there's not much anyone can teach her about resilience.

She sounds brilliant - I hope her persistence pays off. Reminding me of Sue Heck from Th Middle. What a legend.

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Resilience is something they are trying to teach children in schools as it seems so many lack the skills to pick themselves up and move on. Your dd has this in buckets.

I understand how you feel, my ds was a middle of the road child, and there were the kids who always got chosen for plays, always won stuff. It made me feel pretty cross, but I ended up following his lead and just being alright with it.

Wow, she's an inspiration! But yes, she's too young to be carrying that burden, and how awfully hard it must be for you to witness. She will be fabulous once she can stay calling the shots. Love her hard until then!

DD has a PhD in resilience.

She has just been moaning with her friend on Facetime. Their attitude is "well their loss, we'd have been awesome". And they would have been. Probably more awesome than the flicky hair, shallow, sharpie eyebrow girls.

I was going to say she sounds like Sue Heck. 😊

I don't know who Sue Heck is. Must do some research.

You might want to show her this thread. Because I suspect there will be an awful lot of people along to say that she’s obviously a tough cookie and that’s an incredible trait to have. Most people are the ordinary middle and understanding this will be so beneficial to her. And the moment she is picked for something will be all the sweeter when it comes - which it will, her turn to shine will happen and she’ll enjoy it all the more.

Resilience and a sense of humour are very important life skills

That’s what you need to be a successful adult though isn’t it? Work and adult life are competitive and if you aren’t resilient you suffer. I had a few ‘brilliant/child genius’ friends at school and they all got caught up with. One didn’t get the alevels she needed for Cambridge but assumed they’d still take her. She went elsewhere instead and found she was middle of the pack. Best thing that ever happened to her! Honestly! She realised finally that it’s not about arseing about being admired, it’s about putting the graft in day in, day out.

Good on your daughter, she sounds brilliant. Although you don't have to put down other girls to prove that, its already clear from how proudly you talk of her.

Shes not just showing that she is a resilient person, but also that she has grit and determination- very valuable traits for anyone to have, but incredible for a young teenage girl.

Oh op I hear you. I have two “overlooked” kids too. It’s horrible.

Tell her from me that I think she’s great and promise that her tune will come

Bless her, she sounds lovely. Brilliant how resilient she is, her time will come to shine I am sure with an positive attitude like that.

Time. Though tune as well

Your daughter sounds great. And an attitude like that will get her far in life. Resilience is such a rare and valuable quality. Her time will come, and it'll be all the sweeter when it does.

Your daughter is awesome and her strong attitude will serve her very well in life.

Sharpie eyebrows

I've been calling them caterpillars but I'm going to adopt that one.

Your dd does sound brill. And as hard as it is she have better skills than cope to cope with adulthood. And that's a larger promotion of life than the education system.

My phone actually hates me it changes words to make a completely different sentence!

Wow, that's brilliant that she keeps aiming for things! It may not be paying right now but I really do believe that good things come to those who wait. She's got so many good qualities which will get her many opportunities in the future

She does sound brilliant! But please don’t criticise other girls or women to prove that point. It’s damaging.

You might like to show her A Mighty Girl page on Facebook if you are on there. Stories of often little known or underappreciated women and girls around the world as well as famous ones. Might he inspiring to her too.

Grounded, diligent, average kids absolutely fly in adulthood; that might mean excelling in her chosen field, it could mean having really rich, wonderful relationships, travelling the world, whatever she chooses. So much potential is laid out ahead of her, in the meantime you need to introduce her to Daria!

Apologies to the Sharpie girls - they're probably brilliant too. Although misguided in their make-up choices.

DD wants to be a teacher. She's already got it all planned how she's going to make sure everyone gets a fair go and won't allow the same people to get picked year after year.

Can she do anything outside school where she can shine, e.g. with her dancing? It may be that if the school becomes aware of it she will get on the relevant teachers' radar anyway.

She sounds like my DD. She’s 9 and just gone into Year 5. She’s got lots of friends, very kind, average at maths, (except she loves reading) but never picked for star roles in plays. How we like your DD her time will come..