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Original poster

Please help. Im pregnant and partner is out of control

64 replies

TerribleMess · 07/09/2018 09:01

Posting in chat so this disappears. Me and my partner are early 30s and expecting our first child, im four months pregnant.

DP has always been hot headed but he’s never lost his temper around me. I’ve known he has had issues at work previously (works on a building site) where he’s been pulled up for being argumentative and aggressive. I also know he’s lost jobs in the past because of his anger. Yesterday he did something terrible. He lost his temper at a colleague who was goading him and then became violent. He was removed from the premises, has been suspended and has been told there is a likelihood of police involvement. He is saying he is concerned he has mental health issues and thinks there is ‘something wrong with him.’

My gut reaction is to leave him. I know it sounds harsh but knowing what he did (and I’ve had to leave some details out as it will be too outing otherwise) makes me concerned that he may lash out at me or our baby in future. Is this an over reaction?

OP posts:
MrsAmaretto · 07/09/2018 14:23

Leave.

What the hell is he going to do when he gets wound up by the baby crying for no reason? And babies seem to cry for no reason and it’s infuriating as you don’t know what they need.

Trust your gut. Protect yourself and your baby. Do NOT put him on the birth certificate if your unmarried.

MycatsaPirate · 07/09/2018 14:31

Please leave.

Contact women's aid or go and stay with family or friends. But please leave. Change your number and email and just walk away before he destroys your life.

And he will. Don't wait until you have physical scars or bruises or have been screamed at because the baby is waking all hours or you haven't cooked dinner.

You will be so much more vulnerable once the baby is born. Please don't sit here saying we are all right but not acting on it.

He won't change. My ex is like your man and there's a reason we (me and my kids) moved 450 miles to get away from him.

BMW6 · 07/09/2018 14:37

The way I see it is if he really is horrified by what he did and is therefore concerned that he is a risk to you and your child - surely he would want to keep away from you both at least until he has got anger management?

So, his actual response is just self-centered controlling shite. Get away from him and stay away from him, he is seriously bad news.

Interested in this thread?

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2nd trimester Families General pregnancy Relationship problems
BluePheasant · 07/09/2018 14:42

He’s almost certainly going to lose his job. That means more time at home and then when you go on maternity leave it’s only a matter of time before he takes his anger out on you instead of his colleagues.

Get away from this situation now OP, don’t listen to his excuses, just put yourself and the baby first.

SilentHeadphones · 07/09/2018 15:35

OP, hope you're ok. There's lots of people saying leave. If you decide to and need (practical) advice on what to do next, short term and long term, then I'm sure if you ask here you will get some great advice.

Original poster
TerribleMess · 07/09/2018 15:50

Ok, I have a plan in place. He is due to be out tomorrow morning so a friend and her DH will come round while I get some belongings together. Once I’m at theirs I will end things with P and will stay with them for a few days while I sort out a more permanent place to live.

Does this sound like a good plan? I’m terrified of his reaction to be honest.

OP posts:
RavenLG · 07/09/2018 16:02

Will you be safe going home tonight?

Lottapianos · 07/09/2018 16:02

You're being extremely sensible and clear headed about this OP. I'm sure you're horrified and heartbroken but you are ABSOLUTELY doing the right thing. It didn't take long for him to start blaming you and turning nasty. You do not need someone like this in your life, especially at such a vulnerable time for you

I wish you all the luck in the world Flowers

juneau · 07/09/2018 16:04

That sounds like a plan OP. Can you make a list of all the things you'll need? Make sure it includes all your paperwork - passport, birth cert, maternity notes, bank/finances info, etc. Take your jewellery, clothes, electronics and chargers and anything valuable that he might wreck or sell in a fit of anger. Keep the list on your phone and check them off as you go around.

PoshPenny · 07/09/2018 16:05

Sounds a good plan OP good luck for tomorrow. Do you need to do anything like make sure there's mail forwarding set up for you and do you need to do anything with a joint bank account? The sooner you can do that that the better Thanks

ChestyNut · 07/09/2018 16:12

Wishing you well, you are absolutely doing the right thing for all the reasons everyone else have given.

Do you feel safe to go home tonight?

CountFosco · 07/09/2018 16:13

I would go to theirs straight from work tonight if I was you. Or do you need paperwork etc?

Lidlbutfierce · 07/09/2018 17:31

Feel very sorry for you OP.

Good luck with your decisions.

Flyme21 · 07/09/2018 17:42

Good luck, nobody can decide for you but I think this is a good decision.

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