What do you think makes kids popular in secondary school ?

[LardLizard]

Is it all to do with looks and what they have ?

And why do some popular kids have to act quite snobby towards others

Sometimes the popular kids go on being popular and do really well in life.

DD is very popular. I suppose it depends on the school, but she's very confident in her opinions and will hold her ground. She's very tall and pretty, she's very good friends with the boys and girls and mixes well with all the years through the school. (The form group is mixed year) she'll stick up for an underdog so to speak. She's kind. DH was the same, a massive sports billy too, so much so professionally at and after school, I always think sporty helps.

Ah the old trope about peaking in high school.

Most confident, sociable people go on being confident sociable people who do well in life. Pretty sure I’ve seen research which proves they mostly remain popular and confident throughout life.

If you’re talking about the smoking, underage sex, loud, fighting kids...well I know a number of them who went on to do well too!

DD, DS and DD are all “popular” kids. My ex and I were also “popular”.

I think confidence spreads to your kids and they become quite sure of themselves from a young age.

Plus DS has the county boxing title for his age which probably helps

I hear you vitaminc

Natural confidence and being comfortable in your own skin helps enormously. DD has less of it than DS - I’m hoping it’s not our fault!

What makes kids unpopular, parents telling them that the popular kids will crash and burn when they leave school, constantly ringing the school complaining that so and so isn't playing with their dd, calling girls bitches or plastics.

In my dds School the popular kids are the ones with their skirts rolled up so much that you can see their knickers, they have fake Louis Vuitton handbags, eyebrows bigger than youve ever seen and they are the disruptive/ naughty group in the class. Dd is not friends with them & im very happy about it

Pretty much exactly the situation in my DD's school too although they are referred to as the "cool kids". They're the flicky haired, pouty girls with orange faces and Sharpie-like eyebrows. They aren't particularly high achieving, more interested in hanging round the football pitches giggling at the boys.

DD finds them incredibly shallow and wants no part of it. She has some lovely, sensible friends who aren't part of the orange-face brigade.

Spot the adults who weren’t popular on this thread

*note...it’s the so bitter that they are slagging off young girls as orange/plastic/giggly tarts

I suppose it depends on how you define 'popular'. DS1 has just left secondary, he only had a small group of friends, 5 or 6, not through snobbishness but just because he's always been an introvert and doesn't really put himself out there, but he was well respected and I think generally considered one of the 'cool' kids. He's always had a natural knack for music and was the go-to if anyone needed instrumental backing for school concerts, drama pieces etc.

Popular = Friendly, cheerful, positive, relaxed, not weird, agreeable, amenable. I don't see looks coming into it.

When I was at secondary/Sixth Form the most popular girl was fat, dressed pretty much like everybody else, no special possessions, quite loud but never unkind. As she grew older, she was also popular with the opposite sex: it was pretty well a given that she could go to bed with anyone she fancied. What she had was an incredible gift for making other people feel good about themselves. She was interested in people and she enjoyed life.

I was the complete opposite: prickly, narrowly academic, convinced my way was the only way and secretly inclined to find other people inferior. But she made me feel good about myself and never let me down. She taught me a lot, perhaps more than anybody else.

My DSS is an effortlessly popular young man. Quite, unassuming, but funny and kind. Not sporty, but a killer gamer. He had charisma in spades from a very early age. I've never heard him be unkind, he is popular with boys and girls. Extrovert and sociable but not loud.
DSD has always been one for a smaller tighter circle of friends, she's a really lovely sweet person, but a bit shy and introverted.
DD is different again, popular in her own way, but not sociable.
I think genuinely popular people are the people who are good to spent time with, they are good friends,good listeners, fun company.

Depends how you define popular. My three eldest are fairly bright, fairly good looking, loyal and basically nice. They've all always had loads of friends, boy/girlfriends, invitations and busy social lives. Generally they weren't part of the alpha crowd (though DS was befriended by a new crowd when he was in a band as was DD2 when she was dating the school alpha lad: neither was very impressed).

DS2 however is stand out bright and stand out sporty. He's only Y8 but seems to be in the alpha crowd.

My personal belief is that popularity is all to do with self confidence. Those who are comfortable in their own skin and don't need the approval or validation of others end up the popular ones... its like people can sense their own belief in themselves, and it's attractive. I think this i the case at any age.

I think it helps to be sporty too. Definitely not academic, though it's probably helpful if you can give people a hand with homework.

And if you're male, not to be small. Or if either sex, stand out for any less than positive reason although interested to hear the story above about the overweight girl who made it her job to make everyone feel good about themselves.

But as people have said, there's a difference between the people who are popular because they are genuinely nice and those who appear to be because people are frightened not to suck up to them.

I think it definitely depends on the school, my son has just started secondary and said it's, 'nerd central' in terms of the kind of children that attend the school. He compares it to his primary school where the intake was much more mixed and the popular kids were sometimes confident but sometimes just obnoxious and loud.

Being popular does not necessarily equal success and visa versa. I was not popular at school but had alot of friends post uni and I was successful in my profession. Some kids are quietly confident so they don't necessarily have loads of followers at school as a result.

Being confident, straightforward and having a sense of humour.

Charisma?

Same as with grown ups.

In my school if you were in the sports teams or came from the right family you were popular.

I’ve checked and the plastics are those considered, very much influenced by material brands, image and posing on social media for attention, tends to irritate the others. I think when I was at school along the lines of the, in crowd.

At the school I teach at, there are different types of popularity. You can be an outgoing geek or an quietly confident person. I don't see many children who don't fit in at all.

I think at a school with good pastoral care which encourages lots of extra-curricular involvement and doesn't let the kids have too much 'Lord of the Flies' time, there's a much less defined idea of popular.