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Original poster

What do you think makes kids popular in secondary school ?

71 replies

LardLizard · 05/09/2018 16:19

Is it all to do with looks and what they have ?

And why do some popular kids have to act quite snobby towards others

OP posts:
Miladymilord · 05/09/2018 16:49

it's (generally) the sporty, average looking (if that's a thing) funny, mid-high ability students who seem to be liked by a lot of others

Ha that's dd to a t

Finfintytint · 05/09/2018 16:49

I would say my son was popular at school. He's very sporty and has a supreme confidence but the one thing I did notice when he was in school he was friends with all sorts and tended to defend the strugglers. I think he was a good mediator and negotiator.

He was also a bit of a clown at times which helps.

Miladymilord · 05/09/2018 16:52

Yes dd will defiteky defend the underdog. She has a boy in her class who is deaf and she learned some sign language from YouTube to show him. He lipreads though lol

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Smellybean · 05/09/2018 16:53

Asked ds and he said:
swearing
Having a girlfriend/boyfriend
Breaking rules
Comedian
Being loud
Athletic
And be a fan of fortnight Grin

moomoogalicious · 05/09/2018 16:55

What smelly said. Described my ds perfectly Hmm

Ginorchoc · 05/09/2018 16:55

I only know from a girls school, but it seems to be popularity worthing groups, groups seem to be defined by ‘plastics’, ‘geeks’ and the ‘others’ and the groups don’t tend to cross over. My dd is in the ‘others’ I like her group of friends apart from one annoying one who flits between the plastics and others, when with the plastics until she is rejected she treats the others badly. Oh the trauma of School.

Ginorchoc · 05/09/2018 16:56

*within

salopek · 05/09/2018 16:57

Surely it depends on the school (state or private) and regional location?

Loopytiles · 05/09/2018 16:58

My DH was popular at school, university and still gets on well with lots of people at work and makes new friends everywhere he works. He is cheerful, outgoing, more interested in relationships than tasks (ie E and F on Myers Briggs personality types) and energetic so says yes to lots of social things. He likes lots of people.

Loopytiles · 05/09/2018 16:59

When I was at school the “cool” DC went out more, smoked and drank more and had sex early!

TeenTimesTwo · 05/09/2018 17:01

I think there are two types:

The able, confident, funny & nice.

The confident, well groomed, hair flicky, superior, don't-want-to-get-on-the-wrong-side-of-me.

The difference is the first group are nice to others outside their circle, the second are disparaging. There seem to be more of the second than the first though. Sad

Miladymilord · 05/09/2018 17:05

Surely it depends on the school (state or private) and regional location?

Why? Dd2 went to state school until Yr 8 then to private and she's been popular at both.

They aren't Regina George types Hmm

Sgtmajormummy · 05/09/2018 17:06

What’s a “plastic” Gin?
DD has a little clique but definitely isn’t one of the popular kids. She’s too much of an over-thinker and shows all too clearly when she doesn’t like someone.
Her class is 20 girls & 4 boys and the bullies (girls, so nasty mind games are their M.O.) seem to be “popular” because nobody wants to be their next victim.
Dreading the start of social anxiety about school after 3 blissful months of radio silence on WhatsApp etc.

BogstandardBelle · 05/09/2018 17:07

What does ‘popular’ mean? Does it just mean to have lots of friends? What about geeky / goth / nerd kids that have lots of friends in their own groups?

I remember the kids we used to call the»in crowd» at school. They were sporty and / or clever -but not too clever. They were fashionable but pretty middle of the road (I bet they all wear joules and Boden now ;-)). They all lived in big houses, in the better off part of our school catchment area. They weren’t all very nice or particularly kind. Some were very good-looking, some less so.

I had plenty of friends at school, never felt lonely. But I wasn’t one of the in kids, and I can’t say I aspired to be. If my children have enough friends for themselves I don’t really mind if they run with the Alphas of not,

Ivaidea · 05/09/2018 17:09

There really is no rhyme or reason to it.

Finfintytint · 05/09/2018 17:11

I don't think popular = alpha. Some of the alphas were the worst bullies and disliked by many. I just think it means you are not the bullying type and an inclusive sort of soul.

Genderwitched · 05/09/2018 17:13

Both my DC are...quiet, not particularly confident, don't bother with social media, quite tall and good looking, fairly geeky, kind and never nasty, medium intelligence, never have the latest stuff and both are funny.

They both have a small amount of good friends, make friends quite easily and steer clear of the loud confident ones.

mostdays · 05/09/2018 17:20

At my secondary school being popular came from being hard. As we got older, being attractive and 'cool' came into it. To be cool you had to be willing to break a variety of rules and to wear the 'right' stuff. Mostly, though, you had to have a really nasty streak. There are only two people I can think of who were genuinely popular at school who were not nasty, who even on occasion stepped in and prevented really bad bullying happening- but both of them could back it up with violence if they needed to.

My school was a very violent place. I was never really popular (I did homework and passed exams and didn't tell the teachers to fuck off, even if I flouted the uniform rules and smoked and drank), but I had some friends who were and that meant I was relatively safer than I otherwise would have been.

Popular at ds1's school is interesting- there seem to be real cliques. The kids ds1 would identify as popular are not the kids the girl up the road who goes to the same school would identify as popular, they move in almost entirely discrete circles.

Thirtyrock39 · 05/09/2018 17:22

In my experience of working with this age group the genuinely popular kids (not the scary hard ones that are briefly looked up to in year 7 then avoided) tend to be generally nice to their peers, and confident but not 'obviously' so- the loud ones generally wind others up after a while and tend to get it wrong- the popular ones are socially aware and naturally good with people, funny, not over emotional and happy to be themselves- it's a very hard thing to pull off or imitate but some kids just have 'it'

OutPinked · 05/09/2018 17:25

In my secondary school it was generally the boys that were into football and the girls that had too much fake tan on. I don’t imagine much has changed.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 05/09/2018 17:28

The super popular folk in my year at school didn’t really do very much when they left whereas the uncool geeky ones are, in the main, successful (whatever that means) with interesting careers.

I wish I could tell that to kids struggling at school

Katjolo · 05/09/2018 17:30

Kind, friendly etc...
Sporty also helps!

gastropod · 05/09/2018 17:30

I think school popularity very much relative and often "in the eye of the beholder".

I didn't think I was particularly popular at school (got along OK with most people, a few good friends, nothing special) and then a few years after leaving I bumped into someone who'd been in my year, who told me they'd always been jealous of how popular I was!

I certainly didn't feel popular at the time.

Chickenwings85 · 05/09/2018 17:50

I remember when I was at school, there was a girl who was stunning! She was naturally beautiful and a genuinely lovely person to match. The boys all flocked towards to her however, the girls were awful towards her because she was naturally beautiful. The popular girls bullied her something rotten and just made her life a living hell. The popular girls now have a tribe of children each, living off the state, multiple partners and not many of them work. The beautiful girl, is still with the boy she was with at school, in fact they're now married and they've become a Lord and Lady.

runsmidgeOMG · 05/09/2018 17:50

Agree with @TeenTimesTwo

Sadly at my school there were none of the "nice sounding" populars... Just hair flickers that we're very slim and pretty with the "good looking" boys... they were horrible to everyone else ! Not bullies but clear you didn't fit their ideology

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