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I feel like my DS has had a crap summer

34 replies

ziggiestardust · 03/09/2018 16:08

At the beginning of the summer, I had so many grand plans. Even though we weren’t going away (new boiler and kitchen re wire put paid to that!), I’d thought of heaps of activities for my DS to do.

Unfortunately; 1 week into the holidays my Grandad passed away, and as they live at the other end of the country, it meant several trips up and down to get things sorted and arranged. My mum normally helps out with childcare; but it was her dad who had passed so obviously that put paid to a lot of activities as she didn’t want to come back to DS during this time (understandably so!).

My MIL has helped out but obviously she could only manage certain days, so my DH and I swapped onto nightshift alternately (we work in engineering and they all take turns providing overnight cover, he volunteered to do more shifts so we were popular with our work mates!) so that I could work in the day, and he could work at night and still take care of DS across the day... and vice versa.

None of this is an ideal situation obviously but we basically worked night and day to basically ensure DS was taken care of. We’ve tried our absolute hardest to keep him occupied and entertained, and not let on how stressed we’ve been. We’ve hosted play dates several times per week, taken him out swimming, gone to activities (karate, football, museums) and taken him out and about... he’s at least been to the park every day for a scoot round. We’ve tried, but a lot of days it’s been fairly minimal.

Now we both have 2 weeks off, and had planned to go out and about with DS in lieu of a holiday... but we’re so bloody tired, and there’s so much that needs doing after juggling absolutely everything pretty much for 6 weeks with barely any help (which I’m not complaining about by the way, it’s just the way it is and we’ve organised a better, much more sustainable childcare situation going forward!)... well. It’s not been amazing for poor DS, put it that way.

We have both been burning the candle at both ends for 6 weeks, we’re absolutely fucked. I just feel like this summer has just been shite for DS, and I feel awful about it. Every morning he’s asked ‘what are we doing today?’ And if I’ve said something not particularly exciting (chores/back to school shopping/food shopping/whatever), he just goes ‘oh, okay’ and has a bit of a sigh and goes and plays for a bit. Like I know he’s disappointed. We’ve tried our best and I know it hasn’t been good enough.

This morning he said he couldn’t wait to go back to school. What’s worse is, I know all his friends will have had amazing summers (from the look of social media they’ve all been on holidays, loads of days out...) and we’ve barely been holding down the fort and keeping everyone clean, fed and sane.

I don’t know really why I’m posting. I just wanted to vent I guess. Here’s to a better summer next year Wine

OP posts:
shadypines · 03/09/2018 16:31

We’ve tried our best and I know it hasn’t been good enough.

If you love him it is good enough, you can't help what life has thrown at you. I know you're venting but try not to feel too bad for DC, he'll be fine. Sorry you have had such a rough time!

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 03/09/2018 16:32

We’ve had a pretty full on summer, by accident really. I had to move a holiday due to surgery earlier in the year, was invited away with our parents (so minimal costs) and I started a new job so grandparents took on a lot of days and did ‘days out’ with them whereas if I had been home there would have been more at home days for sure. They are exhausted... today we are watching tv, found some colouring books and jumping on the trampoline and this is one of the days they’ve fought the least and smiled the most!

Your DS will have had a brilliant summer... children these days have so little time to just play, imagine, get bored and do nothing! I remember lazy summers in my childhood doing exactly that and the memories are great! Give yourself a break Wine

MrsZB · 03/09/2018 16:34

Why do you have two weeks off now? Doesn’t he go back to school tomorrow?

Anyway, from your list it sounds like he has done lots of fun things. And it’s good that he is looking forward to going back to school!

Maybe next year do a couple of holiday camps?

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Grumpbum123 · 03/09/2018 16:35

My kids have had a crap summer I’ve ended up being admitted to a psych hospital and I’ve hardly seen them

Starfish28 · 03/09/2018 16:36

Oh ignore facebook - it’s just a way for people to airbrush their lives. You and your partner tried your best in unexpected circumstances. It’s good he wants to go back to school and at least you can hopefully have some rest. It’s far too easy for us all to berate and judge our parenting. Life happens and teaching children the world doesn’t always evolve around them is an important life lesson.

ziggiestardust · 03/09/2018 16:38

He doesn’t go back until Thursday, we’ve already had a week off (last week) and now this week. Plus I like to take him and pick him up from school the first day or two just to get him back in routine, and it’s 2 days I don’t have to worry about childcare!

Our new childcare situation also starts next week so I’m quite hopeful for that.

I’m probably being silly but I just looked through Facebook and Instagram earlier (I know, I know!) and saw his friends pictured on sunny beaches abroad and having adventures and in that moment I felt really bad for him.

OP posts:
MrsZB · 03/09/2018 16:46

It sounds like you have done well ziggie.

We have done lots of trips but not very many play dates and I feel bad about that. There is always something to feel guilty about!

onetimeposter · 03/09/2018 16:50

Ime the ones with the best 'memories' are those screaming and shouting the rest of the time, it is a snapshot in time.
Im sure it has been fine.
How old is he?

cushioncovers · 03/09/2018 17:03

Do t be too hard on yourself. There's always next years holidays, in the grand scheme of things he won't remember. Try to squeeze in a trip to the cinema or go swimming or a bike ride and a picnic or a chip shop tea, anything that you don't normally do.

MrsRubyMonday · 03/09/2018 17:11

Those holidays are probably predominantly forced photos taken of kids who were fighting and being a nightmare five minutes before and will be again five minutes after. Nobody posts the difficult parts on social media, just the one good photo you get.

In life, things happen unexpectedly. You've dealt with them in the best way you could, your son is cared for, fed, has done activities, had time to decompress from school. In five years he won't remember being bored or disappointed that he had to go shopping or 'only' got to go to the park. He will remember that both you and his dad spent time with him, did fun things, bonded as a family even more. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing great.

Hellywelly10 · 03/09/2018 17:17

Sounds like youve had a tough time and your doing ok op.

gingeristhenewblack43 · 03/09/2018 17:19

He won't have had a rubbish Summer, it's not realistic for children to be the centre if attention every day for 6 weeks. Life gets in the way, even if it us just doing the food shop or cleaning.

You've had a lot to deal with with your grandad dying, dealing with your own grief, supporting your mum AND juggling work commitments on top.

He is a child that is loved, and that's apparent by the fact you feel you've let him down over the hols. You and your DH have kept him fed and a roof over his head. Anything else is a luxury and sometimes luxuries have to go for lots of different reasons. Give yourself a pat on the back for getting through a very difficult time.

Those photos on social media aren't the reality. They are snapshots in time showing the best bits, that's all. I bet all those kids had times they were bored too!

PandaG · 03/09/2018 17:23

You have done your absolute best under some pretty trying circumstances. Please ignore the insta- brushed facebook, and know your child has been loved and cared for. :)

Branleuse · 03/09/2018 17:24

Maybe you could promise him something nice for the october half term

ladybirdsaredotty · 03/09/2018 17:38

Err OP, it sounds like you've done stuff with him...mine haven't been away either (their new brother has taken all our money!). Mine have started to expect amazing stuff every day but that's just kids, they get something nice and want that ALL THE TIME. It's just the way they're wired. It's frustrating but doesn't mean he's had a crap time! Plus you've had a lot to deal with. Hope you're ok Flowers

ladybirdsaredotty · 03/09/2018 17:41

And yeah, try to ignore Facebook. I've unfollowed people who constantly airbrush their lives and say #blessed Wink

HuntIdeas · 03/09/2018 17:45

You’ve still got 2 days to do amazing things with, and I find most kids don’t have a long memory anyway! Can you get to the beach / theme park or somewhere?

IamReginaFalange · 03/09/2018 17:56

You are working mum who is dealing with a loss of a family member.
You have done well to be dealing with that. Flowers
Most people on Instagram are twats anyway. #blessed #makingmemories 🙄

deepsea · 03/09/2018 18:00

Op your son sounds like he has had an amazing summer. Have you read your post back? Please do. If he has spent six weeks on a screen I could see your point but he hasn’t.
Stop looking at SM it just makes you feel inadequate. A misplaced sense of inadequacy at that.
Children need to rest, feel bored, play and use their own imagination. You have done precisely what is good for him.
Make the last day or two extra special and be glad you were able to enjoy the summer together.

deepsea · 03/09/2018 18:02

Ps my dc are desperate to go back to school not because their summer was so rubbish, but because they want to get back to learning, school routines and all their buddies.

Enidblyton1 · 03/09/2018 18:09

Ah please don’t feel bad OP.
Actually, play dates, household jobs and scooting around sound like a pretty ok summer.
I asked my DCs what they enjoyed most this summer and they said feeding the ducks in the local pond.

Enidblyton1 · 03/09/2018 18:10

Oh, and I don’t think it’s a bad thing that he’s desperate to get back to school Wink

mikeTV · 03/09/2018 18:22

Op - we are similar, big (local) plans which didn't happen due to unavoidable events.
We are so tired here and everyone cannot wait for term to start again.

The good thing is that he likes school, and you now have some breathing space to recharge your batteries.

JurassicGirl · 03/09/2018 18:38

We've had a fairly rubbish summer holiday too so I can sympathise.

Our lovely cat died at the beginning of August, we then all came down with a sickness bug that took 10 days to work it's way through all of us.

Then our dog had to have a cancerous lump removed.

Our other cat is going in for dental treatment tomorrow.

We've had so many visits to the vets, had to cancel lots of plans with friends & have spent a small fortune!

We've booked a holiday for October just to give everyone something to look forward too.

I looked on Facebook too & wished I hadn't as everyone else seemed to be having an amazing time!

I'm sorry you've had a rough time but when school starts again it won't be long until Halloween, then it'll be Christmas so lots to look forward to!

Bluetrews25 · 03/09/2018 18:39

Sorry that you are both feeling burnt out.
All DCs really need is parents who care for them and spend time with them. The rest is all just competitive parenting. And you have done what you needed to do. It has not been a crap summer, you have done a lot with him. Many can't even afford time or finances to do that. He has had the down time that he needed after a full school year, and it's your turn now!
Please don't feel bad. You have pulled together amazingly to get through. You have made yourself stronger and more resilient (working on the 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger principle!) and you have shown your DC that it's possible to occupy yourself without parents dancing attendance on you every single second to take you out and spend a fortune on you (when you have masses of toys and games at home to keep you busy. )
You've been through some really tough weeks. Sit down. Breathe.