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Original poster

If you had IVF how have you explained it to your DC?

39 replies

mammmamia · 02/09/2018 17:03

If you had IVF do you plan to tell your DC how they were conceived?
Never really thought about it before but we’ve never mentioned it and I am starting to wonder about it now that my twins are 8.

Interested to know what other parents of IVF conceived children have done or are planning to do.

OP posts:
theladylovescupcakes · 02/09/2018 17:07

My DS is nearly 17 and we haven't told him how he was conceived. Just never came up, and didn't really think it was a big issue.

Optimouse · 02/09/2018 17:12

I told my daughter when she was fairly young, about 4 or 5 I think... I told her that me and her dad wanted to have a baby and so went to the doctor who took the best bits or me and the best bits of him and made her. That's why she is so very special... She liked that explanation far more than she did when she found out how babies are normally made a few years later!!!

RuleBreaker · 02/09/2018 17:15

I can’t imagine how this would come up in conversation.

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Families
Redglitter · 02/09/2018 17:17

Why would you tell them? Does it really matter?

SilentHeadphones · 02/09/2018 17:20

Why would you tell them?
Because you get asked that a lot when you have twins.

sunyousaw · 02/09/2018 17:21

We explained to DC when they were 2.5 and added more detail as we went along. I thought they should have ownership of how they came to exist. And we wanted to start gradually explaining sex, so it was all part of the discussion. It's pretty easy to make simple - egg removed, sperm added, left to brew, embryo inserted. They don't blink an eye about it.

BiggerBoat1 · 02/09/2018 17:22

I told my twins when they were in year 6 and doing sex education. Only because my DD got fascinated by how twins came about so I told her the truth. They weren't that interested really!

Original poster
mammmamia · 02/09/2018 17:23

It feels like a really big thing to keep from them. It was a huge thing for DH and I to go through. And while it makes no difference now I suppose I feel that they should know for some reason.
And yes they wouldn’t have been twins had they been conceived naturally. That also feels like a big deal and quite a lot to get your head round.

OP posts:
sunyousaw · 02/09/2018 17:25

Why on earth would you keep it from them anyway? It makes it seem like a dirty little secret.

Hotitalian · 02/09/2018 17:27

Snap, same with my daughter, now 13, never been an issue.

resipsa · 02/09/2018 17:29

We'll be telling ours when she's older to underscore just how wanted she was/is. We live in a short(ish) road and there are 6 IVF conceived children within 100 yards. Not common but not unusual here.

BlindedByYourGrey · 02/09/2018 17:30

I told my DD when she was about 8. She asked why we waited so long having children and I told her we needed some help and she was an ivf baby. She found it fascinating. I wanted her to know because...well, why not?!

I also explained the twins that followed were very much a ‘natural’ surprise. She also knows I’ve had a hysterectomy. It’s good to be honest I think and we’ve had some interesting conversations about conception, contraception and how bodies work. She’s 15 now and thinks nothing of the ivf really. It’s not a big deal.

Amummyatlast · 02/09/2018 17:33

We told DD at about 3 or 4, when she was at the peak of asking why she couldn't have a sister like her friends. I'm not sure she took it in, but I will raise it again when she does sex ed. I think it's important for her to know.

partystress · 02/09/2018 17:37

Told mine as part of sex ed chat. Along the lines of "... that's what usually happens, but sometimes that doesn't work and nowadays we're really lucky because doctors and scientists have found other ways...". However, have never explicitly spelled out the nitty gritty of the male role! DCs are late teens now and assume they have worked that out!

Fadbook · 02/09/2018 17:51

We had a book that we read to dd from around 18 months old.

It was significant to us to go through what we went through (and it was known egg donation) so we very much wanted to tell her how she came to be and her to understand the history and impact our known donor did for us.

This book was good and I believe there are a few in the series

The Pea That Was Me

Chrisinthemorning · 02/09/2018 17:57

DS has always known, he’s 6 now. He knows that Mummy and Daddy were very sad before he was born because we wanted a baby but couldn’t have one. Some doctors helped us to have him which made us very happy.
There’s a photo of a 5 day hatching blastocyst in his baby book, which he knows is him before the doctors put him into my tummy.
He’s an only and staying that way and I’ve said that’s because my tummy doesn’t work very well so could only have one baby in it.

WaverleyOwl · 02/09/2018 18:41

Mine have always known, due to the incessant requests for siblings. I've just explained it to them (DSs 6 and 8) that we had trouble having babies and had to have help from some doctors. And that we were very lucky and ended up with them.

They know the mechanics of procreation to a degree, so know that while most people get pregnant with just mummy and daddy being involved, we had to have the help of doctors. I honestly think that these things become a non issue if you just introduce the concepts gradually and appropriately while they are young. Same with any other concepts. I think not discussing and then having a reveal later (which is what it will feel like to them) is not kind.

Mama05070704 · 02/09/2018 18:46

My IVF baby is only 3 but we will definitely tell him when he’s older. We also have a naturally conceived 1 year old and have just donated our remaining embryos. Given that they will effectively have full siblings if those embryos are to result in successful treatment/s, I think it’s reallt important that we also tell both of them about that as soon as they are old enough.

Ellisandra · 02/09/2018 18:57

I didn’t mine to find out later and find it odd that I hadn’t told her. Not that she would definitely find it odd - I just thought why risk it?
So right from the very first “where do babies come from?” questions, I’ve told her both natural and IVF ways, and that she’s the latter.
She finds it fascinating.
She also has asked questions like “have you ever been sad?” and I’ve talked about the wait for her then, which also touches on IVF.
If you want to bring it up, it’s not hard to work it into the conversation!

ChristmasAccountant · 02/09/2018 19:01

My first was ivf and I can’t honestly see why i would ever feel the need to tell him, as a child anyway. I might when he’s an adult if the topic ever came up but right now, no, I don’t think he needs to know. Ultimately I was still pregnant with him and gave birth to him, I don’t know why he’d need to know how he got there.

Tuesday40 · 02/09/2018 19:17

I’ve never told my DS, I think probably as DS2 arrived without the need for ivf so I don’t want them to feel different to one another. Although I found IVF all consuming and a real struggle for many years - 5 rounds it total- it now feels like it didn’t even happen in a weird way. So it’s not even something that I often think about

Dacresmallwilly · 02/09/2018 19:28

My daughter is nearly six and she's always known- we bought her a book called 'the pea that was me' to explain things

Igmum · 02/09/2018 19:28

I told my DD when she asked questions about it (think she was about 5 or 6). I clearly didn't explain it very well or she got a bit confused because friends had adopted shortly before but she then thought that she wasn't from my tummy. Cue a lot more conversations!

almondsareforevermore · 02/09/2018 20:17

Most children are not told the details of their conception. IVF makes no difference to the result so why would they need to know?

AllAtHome · 02/09/2018 20:32

I think it’s important to share, because the parents' fertility problems could be passed on to the children. The knowledge could be important to them some day.