If you had IVF how have you explained it to your DC?

[mammmamia]

If you had IVF do you plan to tell your DC how they were conceived?
Never really thought about it before but we’ve never mentioned it and I am starting to wonder about it now that my twins are 8.

Interested to know what other parents of IVF conceived children have done or are planning to do.

We did IVF but it didn't work, then later we adopted.

I think that not saying is sort of lying by omission. A child will assume they were conceived in the 'normal' way unless told otherwise. If they find out as a teen/adult, they may feel no big deal, but equally they may feel that something fundamental to their existence has been kept from them. Ideal time to say is when having a discussion about how babies are made, and then saying about IVF.

To the people asking why tell them, for me at the time it was such a big part of my identity (and hers) as it took seven years of trying that it felt right. With the passing of a few more years I suppose it doesn't feel quite so important but I still don't regret it. She feels extra special to us and I'm glad she knows why.

We told our 5 yr old when reading a book from the library about how babies are made - FET baby so had to talk about waiting in the freezer until mummies tummy was ready for her....DD was my 13th and last try so our family know how she came to be, and its only right that she does too.

Thankyou very much for the link, Fadbook. I have one about double donation via the DCN but need more. Must try & track down one linked to sperm too!

DD conceived by ICSI overseas, started TTC when I was 21, she came out 10 weeks before my 40th birthday.

She is about to turn 4 and last week asked how she came OUT of my tummy...all fine....clearly thought it through because yesterday she asked how she got IN!

We got out the book we do have which is age-appropriate.

I told her because I grew up with parents who had the opinion that if I knew nothing, I couldn’t get hurt.

Secrets are toxic. I promised her when she was born I would always be honest with her.

I want an open dialogue with my much-wanted DD.

DS is only 8 months from donor egg IVF and I plan on telling him from as early as he can understand, will only tell him in an age appropriate way and tell him bits as and when he can understand but it's important to me that he never knows any different so there's no 'big reveal' I'm very open about it and everyone knows he was donor conceived plus I work in an IVF clinic so it's very much the norm

@QuirkyKate there is a sperm donation one in that series too (The Pea That was Me)

@Lauren83 look into the book and the link I posted. It’s written in such a lovely way and we’ve put pictures of our donor and the doctor, and my bump at the back.

@Fadbook I have been meaning to buy it for a while now you have just reminded me to, I'm glad to hear it's worth it I definitely will do thanks

I did a big order last night of quite a few, my bank balance has dropped significantly Thankyou for the heads-up.

It is definitely useful, dd is 7 now and is knowledgable about the situation. It’s also helped with her acceptance that she’ll be an only child and not meant that we’ve had “pressure” from her to have a sibling as from an early age with questions of why people have brothers and sisters, we’ve been able to age-appropriately explain that it would be difficult to give her a sibling. Now she’s older (7), she completely understands

But, be warned, there was a great embarrassing parenting moment when she recited the story word for word aged 3.5 in the middle of the small Coop supermarket on holiday saying the word “not worms, sperm!” really loudly

Aha - snap! I had ‘Its not a seed, it’s a sperm!’ in her nursery room at drop-off in front of children, parents and staff. They have no filter, do they?!

We've just always talked about it at home, so the Dec (15 & 13) have always known.

Research has shown that children are more likely to be angry about origin-information being kept from them, if you tell them when they are teenage or older. (See e.g. publications by Susan Golombok).

Applies not only to IVF, but also non-paternity, conception with donated gamete/s, adoption, surrogacy, existence of half-siblings etc.

Freda, I believe that. A friend of mine was told of his adoption on his 40th birthday.

He went completely off the rails, AWOL for months, so so hard to witness his family go through the trauma of the unknown.