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Original poster

'Would you like to borrow a comb?'

45 replies

RelentlessSylvia · 01/09/2018 09:17

was literally the first thing my mum said when I walked through her door my morning. Not 'hello', not 'good morning', not 'thanks, daughter, from taking time out of your busy life as a carer to take me out for the day', not 'as a 40 year old woman your personal grooming and hair style is none of my business'.

No.

WOULD I LIKE TO BORROW A COMB?

No, mother. I would like to lend you a shut up, and also gift you a stop criticising me and also give you a lifetime subscription to You Are The Reason I've Always Felt Shit About Myself magazine.

OP posts:

ofcoursehesthefuckingfarmer · 01/09/2018 09:21

Is your mum my mum?!

happinessischocolate · 01/09/2018 09:24

My mum would say that too, whilst praising everyone else who never left a finger to help her

Aprilshowersinaugust · 01/09/2018 09:28

Would you like a gob stopper dm?
Or some gaffer tape?

BetterEatCheese · 01/09/2018 09:32

My dp's father hadn't seen him for years and the first thing he said was 'aren't you going to shave.'

That was the last time he saw him, 8 years ago now

Stephisaur · 01/09/2018 09:54

@bettereatcheese I hope dp has grown a lovely beard in defiance ;)

My mum’s usual is “I wish you’d do something with that hair” but in fairness she’s just jealous because it’s long and healthy (unlike hers) and it drives her mad that it’s usually shoved up in a high pony or down and a bit limp

shakeyourcaboose · 01/09/2018 09:57

did you do a swift about turn with the 'tinkly laugh' "whoopsie, silly me I'll just nip back home" and then never bloody return?!

Becca19962014 · 01/09/2018 10:07

I spent my childhood having my hair shaved (and getting suspended) because my parents refused to let me grow it, and no it wasn't due to me complaining about it or not caring for it. I moved out and grew it.

Every single time I saw them, without fail as it grew they'd lay into me for having disgusting hair. Not a single other person would say anything to me, aside from praise it.

It was the same about what I wore (why don't you wear trendy clothes? - because I wear what I'm comfy in!) and asking things like if I was wearing clean knickers - I was almost 40 last time I saw them several years ago. I've far worse things going on in my life but no they're sleepless with worry I have long hair (I don't anymore sadly - long story), my clothes arent "bang on trend" (whatever that means) and don't have clean knickers on

I still talk to them but don't see them as I can't cope with doing so, it always badly effects how I think others view me for a long time after as well.

Butterymuffin · 01/09/2018 10:10

'No, but I can lend you some manners'

Becca19962014 · 01/09/2018 10:18

To clarify I do have clean knickers on!

Spam88 · 01/09/2018 10:22

After I gave birth, whilst I was still on the bed (can't remember if it was before or after I'd been stitched up) my DH asked me if I wanted my hairbrush. Cheeky shit.

Halfahunnerstillastunner · 01/09/2018 10:26

Oh I send you the strength to turn round and walk right back out again until she cops on to herself!

I luckily had the most amazing supportive non judgemental Mum who I miss dearly. However I have a couple of close friends who have suffered with mothers who are critical and demeaning. I can see the long lasting effects of such behaviour on their confidence and self esteem. One is considering going low/no contact after the last disastrous visit home. She was there to care for her Mum after an operation!

It seems to be the children who treat their parents like shit and never lift a finger are revered while those who dutifully help out are ignored and taken for granted. It's such an unhealthy dynamic.

MsOliphant · 01/09/2018 10:27

This reminds me of a scene in the book of Bridget Jones Diary and the mum gives Bridget a bottle of talc randomly. And Bridget says 'do I smell?' Pamela hesitates slightly then says 'no.....but it's nice to be clean and fresh, isn't it?'

Teacherlikemisstrunchball · 01/09/2018 10:33

I went home for the weekend last year and my dad opened the front door and the first thing he said was ‘why are you wearing that horrible jumper?!’

It was the only hoodie I’d bought with me, so I wore it all weekend

It was a perfectly innocuous hoodie from a residential school trip I’d just got home from-nothing to comment on whatsoever. Was odd.

Batteriesallgone · 01/09/2018 10:41

Every time I see my mum she comments on my greasy hair.

Every time.

Growing up my hair was crazy frizzy, I was never allowed to put anything grease like in it like conditioner and the moment I half tamed it she would be all ‘oooh isn’t your hair greasy’

I now do curly girl and everyone compliments me on my hair, to the point that I braved seeing her with my hair DOWN. Well. You should have seen the look on her face. She couldn’t have been more revolted if I had excrement smeared on my head.

I don’t see her anymore. I realised the other day it’s been ages since I agonised over my hair. One of many reasons why I have no desire to see her.

GinandGingerBeer · 01/09/2018 10:44

@Becca19962014 do you mean they forced you to shave your head?!?

LongSummerDays · 01/09/2018 10:57

My mother's first words were always "how's your diet going?"

I was a size 10 at the time.

Becca19962014 · 01/09/2018 12:25

gin yes, I'd be taken to the hairdresser and they'd do what they were told by my parents (they knew them) not me. It's symptomatic of other issues and no I couldn't over ride them or refuse - easier said than done in that situation.

I got suspended a lot as girls had a minimal hair length over their head of 2cm at my school.

Nacreous · 01/09/2018 12:27

My grandma and mum to a lesser extent do this. In my case they mean well, so I just let them get on with it, but if I’m having a bad day it really pisses me off.

Becca19962014 · 01/09/2018 12:34

It's amazing how much such things can impact you. You think they won't but they do.

My parents never bring me into conversations, they would previously do nothing but bitch about me being a fucking nightmare, stealing from them to go to uni and refusing to work my way through - the reality was I never stole and they refused their contribution towards my grant (yeh I went years ago) as "thick shit" shouldn't be allowed to go - they bullied me about going, even slagging me off for abandoning them and I wasn't actually able to work due to my course being so intensive - it was actually banned.

I can no longer travel and struggle to function day to day physically and mentally. Though they continued with this crap after I stopped going to them people gradually saw through it.

It's been decades since I left and now people are beginning to realise I wasn't lying about how I was being treated. I once mentioned it when at uni to a lecturer who turned and asked why I didn't use their disapproval to kick back and sort my grades/life out. Put simply I didn't have the strength to, it's not like some random saying crap to you, it's personal.

GoodbyeSummer · 01/09/2018 12:43

Sounds shit, sorry you had to hear that from your mum. It's one of those times where you think back and wish you'd thought of it been able to say something cutting and witty in return.

It reminds me of my wedding day and I was eating a second cucumber sandwich from the buffet that I had paid for and my came came up to me with a look of disgust on his face and said, "Are you scoffing again?!" I just turned around and walked away. He did apologise later on though.

GoodbyeSummer · 01/09/2018 12:43

My dad came up...

chuckiecheese · 01/09/2018 12:43

My Dad says stuff like this, for example 'that's a garish top'as I greet him at the door

chuckiecheese · 01/09/2018 12:46

We also saw some photos from a family event & he stated 'din't you look old?'. I had a 3 yr old & a baby at the time

Flooffloof · 01/09/2018 12:57

Oh I think it's just some people's way. Tbf I have gone nc with a family member for saying " I don't like your hair like that" had just gone blonde a week before. And in the exact same conversation "you could do with losing a few pounds" I paraphrase but that's the gist.
I was in sweats and baggy hoodie, not that it matters. I think I said, "I don't care about your opinion", and never spoke to that person again.
The words didn't matter, the opinion didn't matter, the rudeness of expressing it very much mattered. I didn't want that person to ever speak to my children like that. So over a decade later, we still don't speak.

Fluffyears · 01/09/2018 13:03

My gran would say something like that she hated anything or anyone to be messy. My mum is an utter scruffbag who never wears make up, keeps her hair short and rarely brushes it apart from in the morning and wears awful clothes. It’s as if she is rebelling and her House is messy and dirty. I like to be neat.

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