I feel like I’m drowning

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

Need because frankly I’ve moaned so much on here I’m reasonably sure, and wouldn’t blame anyone if they were, people are fed up of it

I feel like I’m drowning. Compared to a lot of people, these are stupid problems but I’m just so overwhelmed...I’ve just bitten a hole in my cheek to stop myself from crying on the bus which really isn’t ideal.

I am so unhappy at work. I get treated like a child, spoken to like a fuckwit and belittled. I’m a nanny, the kids treat me like crap because the parents do. I am so tired, my love of the job is broken and I feel like I’ve nothing left to give. I dread going in each morning. It consumes me all weekend and I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach all weekend. I don’t want to nanny any more but Nannying is all I’ve ever done and I have no idea what to do next.
I want to go back and get my a levels because I fucked those up 12 y ago but I know I’m not clever enough to do it
I’m 30 and currently living at home because I can’t afford to move out (n London probs). I’ve no end of people telling me this is ridiculous. I know so many people judge me but I don’t know what to do

I have a huge (10st+) amount of weight to lose. The fear of something happening to me is all consuming and yet I can’t manage to do anything about it. I fail time and time again. I fuck up constantly

I constantly worry I’ve disappointed my family. I’m not the daughter my parents wanted I’m sure. I can’t even give them a grandchild

I feel like I can’t breath. I’m failing at every aspect in my life, I never imagined I’d have achieved so little at 30. I had some wonderful supportive threads around my birthday about this but I feel like I’m spiralling into a hole I can’t get out of and I don’t know what to do

I’m going to have a talk with my parents this weekend. I have to give 4 weeks notice and don’t want to give it until the end of the month as I’ve a huge amount of overtime (£700-900 worth) which I absolutely know they’ll cancel if I give my notice so that gives me 7 weeks to find something else. Gulp!

Good luck OP - I really hope you find something better

Thank you, you’ve all been so kind x

Hope you had a good talk with parents and are planning the Great escape, OP. Good luck xx

Not going to lie, I’m massively struggling. I had my first panic attack in years last night and honestly, genuinely thought I was dying at one point. This is all shit

Did you talk to your parents? Please don't go through this alone.

Lego I really think that you need to seek real life support. I've read other threads you have either started or posted on and you have a lot of different issues. Also (and I hope that this doesn't come across as criticism, it's not) you ask for help, get lots of responses, but none of them seem to help you.

Keep posting of course but please get real life help as well.

1. Go to the doctor - get on a decent weight-neutral antidepressant
2. Sit down and be honest with yourself - what would you like to do? The worlds your oyster, you can do whatever you like. If you like children - access to teaching course? Nursing? TEFL?

3 Are you 10 stone overweight because of an binge eating disorder? If so mention this to your GP so you can access professional help and services 4 Be honest with your parents, they sound like good people 5 hand your notice in at the end of the month, and have a breather until after Christmas

A 10000 mile journey starts with a single step.

I always recommend agency work. It pays well and you can say no if you dont like a placement.
I retrained in my 40s and worked for another 20 years.
Dont stay where you are treated badly. Be honest with your parents. They will want to help you.

I’ve tried to access RL support Nurse

The binge eating support therapist has moved my appointment 4 times from October to December to February and March then last week they cancelled it because no one would be available. I have to go back to my doctor to start again.

The waitlist for any help with depression is months, approximately 4 months at a minimum

I can’t afford to go private

I’ve tried. I’m trying. I don’t know who else to ask or what to do.

I’ve looked for work for weeks, there’s no nannying jobs and I don’t know what else to do, I’ve never done anything else and I don’t even know where to begin

I’ve tried so many times to lose the weight, I don’t go on the weight lose threads anymore because it’s embarrassing how many times I’ve come and gone
I’m sorry I’ve started so many threads

Lego please don't apologise for starting threads. What I am worried about with you is that it's not actually helping you.

The waiting list for counselling for depression may be long, but are you taking an antidepressant? It’s something you could do now that can really help. I think fluoxetine is also helpful in bulimia (binge eating followed by attempts to ‘negate’ it I.e fasting, purging, excercise would count as bulimia)

There’s also support online for binge eating disorders:www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/nightingale

Make s plan: where do you want to be next September? You’ve got minimal financial obligations and the support of loving parents behind be you, you can do this

OP you are young young young! Loads of time to extend your education and change direction. Get the hell away from your vile employers. I would be utterly mortified if my child spoke to an adult like than 5 year old. You sound depressed and no wonder. No wonder you eat for comfort (I'm assuming.?) Hand in your notice and spend some time figuring out what you would like to do next. There is more to life than simply coping with shitty feelings. I wish you all the very best - you deserve it x.

You might be able to self refer for a psych assessment. I did, the referral form was online, they phoned me the next day and I had a phone triage about a week later, then I was given online CBT which took about a month to start. It's not the solution, but it's something, it's support, it gets you in the system.

There will be other jobs but you need to clear your head before you start applying. Anti depressants can really help you with this.

Thank you Van. I went on my Surgery website and they had an option to self refer for a psych assessment which I didn’t know I could do. Thank you again