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Original poster

Age gap and sibling rivalry

28 replies

badhairdays · 28/08/2018 19:58

Always thought I would like a 3/4 year age gap between DC. However having read another thread recently and from then discussing it with friends. Sibling rivalry seems quite common with that age gap. Has anyone found this to be the case or do you think it just happens whatever the age gap? My friends reasoning was the first DC has had too long of it just being about them. It's making me feel I should try for DC2 sooner Shock

OP posts:
dundee12 · 28/08/2018 20:10

I thought the 2 yr gap was peak rivalry? Not sure it can be avoided though!

dundee12 · 28/08/2018 20:13

oh & im sure a doc told me less than 18 months reduced life expectancy 🤣

dundee12 · 28/08/2018 20:13

of the mother!

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sunstarsmoon · 28/08/2018 20:14

There is 4.5 years between mine and they get on great most of the time, no rivalry at all.

Original poster
badhairdays · 28/08/2018 20:17

🤣🤣🤣@dundee12 I bet it does! Yes that was part of my reasoning for the 3/4 year gap I thought I would avoid the 'terrible twos.'

OP posts:
GentlyGentlyOhDear · 28/08/2018 20:17

I have 3 years 3 months and there has never been a problem with rivalry.There's the occasional sibling bickering but dc1 has never really been jealous of dc2.
I've heard that 18 months - 2 years is the worst gap for dc1. That was certainly the case with me and my brother - 17 months between us and my mum said I was intensely jealous from the day he was born and that carried on through childhood.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 28/08/2018 20:18

Mine are about that age gap. They fight and bicker but play together too.

dundee12 · 28/08/2018 20:22

I have 2 years and 10 months between dc1 & dc2, but dc2 is still small so who knows. I chose that gap simply because that’s when I mentally felt ready, plus I knew I wanted 3 & wanted to avoid 2 superclose & 1 with a big gap. However dc2 is a challenge so not sure now!

Kraggle · 28/08/2018 20:25

I have a 1 and a 5 year old. The eldest is jealous of the attention the baby gets, hates it when dd2 touches any toys even her own. Hoping when dd2 gets bigger and can hold her own against her sister it will calm down!

Redyoyo · 28/08/2018 20:34

2 years and 9 days between mine, they are so close, yes we have the odd wee shouting match, but come bed time they always end up cuddled up together in one bed. They choose to share a room even though they don't have to and they always have someone to play with it helps that they are both the same sex though.
Theres no rivalry between them yet they are both very encouraging of each other am sure this will change come the teenage years. I hope not though!

CherryPavlova · 28/08/2018 20:48

My eldest had dreadful sibling rivalry with a 2 year 3 month gap. The youngest was adored by her siblings with 6 year and 4 year gap.

FoggyBlue · 28/08/2018 20:51

Eek. There’s a 19 month age gap between my two and I’m scared of sibling rivalry. They’re 2 and a baby now and things are fine but it could all change.

There was a 4 year gap between me and my sister and we’re very close. I think personalities come into. If siblings are quite alike there’s more chance of a competitive relationship possibly as both are looking for attention for the same achievement?

RandomMess · 28/08/2018 21:05

I think personality and how you handle it play massive parts in it!

madeyemoodysmum · 28/08/2018 21:11

2 y gap. Love hate relationship.

But we are entering teens.

They weren't so bad when younger

Isadora2007 · 28/08/2018 21:16

I had a just under 3 year gap between 1 and 2 and then just over 3 years between 3 and 4. No sibling rivalry issues. I always made sure the baby is seen as ours and an important part of the family and involved the older child and that has worked for us. The siblings have always adored the baby from day one...

Floralnomad · 28/08/2018 21:17

I don’t think gap matters as it’s down to the individuals . There is 17 months between my dsis and me and we’ve always been best friends ( now in our 50s) even as children . I have a 6.5 yr age gap with my dc and there was never any jealousy but they’ve only recently started really getting on at 25 and 19 . I think I spent most of their younger years repeating the phrase if you can’t say something nice then say nothing .

WillowRose79 · 28/08/2018 21:20

Me and my sister are a 4 year age gap and are best friends- yeah we argued when we were younger but about normal sibling stuff- there's 4 years between her and our brother. None of us have ever had sibling rivalry- we argue like all siblings even now but we've never ever been jealous of each other

SweatyFretty · 28/08/2018 21:58

4 years between my sister and I. Some normal rivalry but never too much - I was old enough to understand the baby needed attention and not be too fussed. Then growing up and as teenagers we were at such different developmental stages there was no overlap/jealousy at all.

Now that we are adults the age gap feels like nothing and we are good friends. 4 is a great age gap ime.

nomilknosugarplease · 28/08/2018 22:16

Mine have a 4 year age gap and never had sibling rivalry. Like Sweaty said, they are at such different stages that they never really compared their lives/treatment.

Corcra · 28/08/2018 22:23

My daughters have a 3.5year gap and they adore each other completely. I agree with pp that said personality and how you deal with them is the main factor.
My two youngest siblings had 2 years gap and they are best friends, never really argued. Where as me and my sibling 2 years younger never really got on.

NickMarlow · 28/08/2018 22:31

3 and a half years between my dds. We're only 5 weeks in but so far dd1 absolutely adores her baby sister. We'll see what happens as they get older!

llangennith · 28/08/2018 22:35

3yrs 4mnths between younger sister and me. I didn't like her at all, played with her begrudgingly if no-one else to play with and really didn't get on with her till we were late teens.
5 years between my DC1 and DC2, 13 months between DC2 and DC3. They've all always got on well with each other, they're grown ups now.

switswoo81 · 28/08/2018 22:40

3 years 3 month between dds. We are 4 months in and dd1 swings between adoration and hating her, pulling blankets off her or getting cross if I tend to dd2 first. Her behaviour has gotten so bad too, attention seeking and just so angry with everyone. We had a stay in nicu after dd2 birth so that may be a contributing factor
.

Enidblyton1 · 28/08/2018 22:46

This is completely unscientific and just based on my own experience with my children/friends children and friends of mine growing up.... but I would have said the biggest potential for sibling rivalry is when you have a gap of 2 years or less. I think 3 school years difference can be a sweet spot of children just about close enough in age to play together, yet not close enough to compete academically. The age gaps of more than 3 years that I know seem to be the most harmonious, although this is partly because the children don’t have so much to do with each other.
Whether siblings get on as they get older, depends more on personality (and to some extent parenting) than age gap.

Just my thoughts - could be a load of rubbish!

Original poster
badhairdays · 29/08/2018 08:23

Thanks everyone sounds like it is more down to how you handle the situation and DC personalities. Think I would prefer 3/4 age gap although you can never really plan these things can you Smile

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