What do you do if your child continually messes around at the dinner table

[sleepyhollow1]

Ds just 4 does this. It's a continual battle. He plays with food, shouts, calls us silly names squirms around etc. Doesn't do this the rest of the time (too much).

We've tried various tactics. Ignoring, bringing him down from the table, praising good eating not making a big deal of it, etc.

What should we do? Today I felt really harsh because he squirted water out of his mouth, so I immediately took him down and said that he obviously wasn't hungry as he was messing about.

In some ways I feel this was justified, but then I think that he's still really little and question whether I'm doing the right thing. I don't expect him to eat like he's at the queens table or anything, but I do feel like he knows not to do things like his water trick.

Any advice?

Make them get down. If they're hungry, they'll behave, if not, they can go off and play.

Just tell him that's not clever and take the water away. If he asks for it five it back after say 2 minutes and then if he does it take it away again.

Oh and don't let him see it bothers you

Also he is only 4 so go easy on him

Take his plate away and make him get down as soon as he misbehaves, he'll soon learn.

Will he be expected to eat dinner at school in a few weeks?

If so I agree - remove him, every time.

He can return to the table alone (they will do this at school if he messes about, sit alone at a table(

The thing is that when I ask him to come down, and say he's obviously not hungry he gets hysterically upset. He obviously sees it as a punishment even though I'm genuinely suggesting that he's not hungry, and that he can go and do something else.

I doubt he'll do it at school, usually they succumb to peer pressure (and will they really isolate a four year old??)

Interesting @GreenTulips I didn't realise that. He goes to nursery and he used to mess around there a lot too, although I think it's improved. It's so annoying, I wonder if it's boredom (my dad only eats out of necessity and is always on the go, so sometimes think ds is similar) or attention seeking.

If he's spitting water over others food then yes they'll sit him on his own till he can be civil.

Take him down from the table and ignore him.

DC2 is 4 and does this at home... in school they are apparently a model pupil and behave beautifully at lunch time

Other than that I have nothing helpful to add

Tbf he didn't spit in over anyone's food. He just sort of squirted it out of his mouth so it dribbled down. Still massively gross and inappropriate though.

Oh sympathies @AndhowcouldIeverrefuse Do you do anything to challenge it?

I have tried

Challenging it - gently or firmly
Ignoring bad behaviour, praising good
Putting food in front of them with no comment and then taking it away at the end of the meal equally without fuss

Nothing makes a difference. If they are interested they will sit at the table and eat happily, with relatively good manners. If they are not interested or hungry they will leave the table or prod the food / play with the water / sing a merry song at the top of their voices etc. Their appetite and favoured foods seems to vary enormously.

I feel rather powerless and was hoping for some advice from those mumsnetters for which dinner time is uneventful.

DD and DS2 piss about relentlessly at dinner time and it’s a real source of stress for me.

FWIW she eats her school meals without any of the carry on apparently, and has lovely table manners (thank fuck!) at school!

I’ve just tonight introduced an egg timer giving them a set time to eat their dinner or it’ll go in the dog. Touch wood, it worked for tonight!

Interesting. Maybe I should try that although not sure if my youngest is a bit too little still.

I must say it's a real flash point for me, and frays my nerves. It's just endless pudding about unless we constantly engage him in something of interest. But that's not always possible, and quite frankly I feel like he should be able to just sit and eat without having a source of entertainment on tap.

We're off with some friends on holiday next week and quite frankly I'm dreading it. I've seen how well behaved their 2 are at the table (same ages). Communal dinners have historically been horrific and I once ended up in tears when he was pudding about so much he stabbed his grandfather in the eye with a fork (by mistake obviously) but still.

*endless pudding - he wishes. Clearly meant endless pissing about!

Have you tried a warning chart?

Mine react really well to visuals, and the warning chart is just that. A medal at the top, which they start with because good behaviour is the expectation, with 3 little Velcro warnings (green, amber, red) and if they get all 3 then the medal comes off.

Would that help?

DS2 is 4 I should have added there!

If you class it as misbehaving and not following the rules, what do you do at other times?
If it was me, make it explicit, can't be too clear, about they behaviour you expect, give two warnings, something visible, removal of cups etc, then remove him from the table. No discussion, no chatting to him, he will kick off as he's lost his audience.

Ours are a lot less awful if we engage with them and have interesting conversations. I’m guessing you’ve tried that.

It would be dinner in the bin and no food till next mealtime in our house, but we are strict on manners.

missy you don’t have to make your children go hungry to be strict on manners

Being hungry and uncomfortable is a horrible feeling. Kids can learn manners and how to behave at a table without such harsh punishments!!

That's sort of what we do @fuzzyfozzy he knows that the rules at the table are no playing with food or drink and no shouting. I generally give him a warning and then bring him down if he does it again.

For extreme behaviour it's easy because it's black and white. But there's a lot of low level passing about, and it's that sort of stufff that I struggle with. Often that's the stuff that will escalate to the bigger stuff, but in and of itself I'm not sure how to deal with it.

Perhaps the warning chart is a good idea.

My predictive text is really scuppering my over use of "pissing about"

Yes @ThePricklySheep that tends to be the only way, which is a bit hit and miss even then.

My 4 year old went through this phase. We would remove from the table, but the dinner left was the only option to eat anything. So when she then asked for something else she couldn't have it unless she ate the dinner first.