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Original poster

Would you have another child if you were me.

48 replies

CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 20:11

I'll give as much info as I can here. I'm late 20's with 2 DC. I don't work and DH is in the military. We have about £6,000 in savings and live in an army house at the moment and do not own any property. DH has another 11 years to serve so we can continue to live in these houses until that point if need be but we'd like to buy before then.

We have around £1300 a month spare after bills each month. I intend to work when our youngest goes to school (2020) but I'm unsure what career prospects I'd have due to my career break.

I'm very maternal and love nothing more than my children but life just doesn't feel complete at the moment. It feels like that final piece is missing.

I'm scared if I have another child, we'll struggle financially down the line and not be able to offer the kids a comfortable life, I'd hate to end up in that position. I really worry that if we don't have another, I'll look back with huge regret. DH feels the same way I do about all of this, we are so torn.

DH does get annual pay rises & promotions so his income will continue to increase so I don't know if I'm just over thinking the financial side of things. I suppose the fact we don't really have any assets scares me.

What would you do? Please help!

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 26/08/2018 20:14

I suppose you need to work out realistically what size of house you could afford to buy in the future.
What's the £1300 a month to cover? If it's completely spare then why only £6000 in savings?

tinysquirrel · 26/08/2018 20:14

In your situation I would go for it! £1300 per month spare after bills, you can afford another child and still manage to keep saving. If you both want another child, why wouldn't you? Good luck with whatever you decide!

kaytee87 · 26/08/2018 20:14

How old are your kids?

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Original poster
CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 20:15

£1,300 is to cover petrol and food, clothes, days out etc.

OP posts:
WeShouldBeFriends · 26/08/2018 20:15

God I wouldn't! Maybe what you feel is missing is actually a fulfilling career?

kaytee87 · 26/08/2018 20:17

Ok so how much is actually spare from that £1300? How much do you save a month?

Original poster
CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 20:18

We save about £300 a month unless we've got anything particularly expensive happening.

OP posts:
Pebblesandfriends · 26/08/2018 20:19

I definitely would. That's loads to have leftover you could have a comfortable life and still save a healthy deposit to buy in the future. Go for it if that's what you want.

Original poster
CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 20:19

Sorry, I tried to be thorough in my OP but I haven't explained our finances clearly at all.

OP posts:
JacNaylor · 26/08/2018 20:21

Wouldn't rule it out yet, but why assume that the "something missing" is another child? I'd take a little bit of time to really think about whether you feel fulfilled as a person and what you would love to achieve in your life.

Original poster
CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 20:24

I'm very much looking for arc to getting back into a career and because of our situation with DH's job and no help with childcare, it makes sense to have our DC in close succession and then go back to work once the youngest is at school, to avoid me having to pay out all of/more than my earnings in the beginning.

That's why I feel I need to make this decision now.

I definitely feel like another child would complete our family, but I don't want to bite off more than we can chew. I want a secure & happy future for DH & I and our children. I'm so torn.

OP posts:
Original poster
CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 20:25

*forward

OP posts:
Original poster
CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 20:39

Anyone else?

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 26/08/2018 20:44

I'd figure out what you can realistically save for a deposit by the time you want to buy and how much of a mortgage you can get on DH salary alone to see if you can afford a big enough house for another child.

kaytee87 · 26/08/2018 20:45

How old are the kids you have just now?

Original poster
CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 20:46

Our kids are almost 5 and 2.

OP posts:
Riotheparrott · 26/08/2018 20:50

have you posted this before?

Original poster
CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 21:08

I did post about it quite some time ago but our financial situation has changed since then and hence the reason I've posted again.

OP posts:
Original poster
CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 21:26

Was really hoping for some more feedback. I'd very much appreciate your advice on this. I don't have many people who I can talk to IRL about things as my sister has struggled to conceive and I don't want to be insensitive. I'm always moving around and don't really have long term friends where I live so i was hoping some of you may be able to help me come to a conclusion on this. Like I said, I'm just worried to make the wrong decision and regret it.

OP posts:
GreenPimpernel · 26/08/2018 21:35

There’s no wrong decision. Whichever you choose, you will not know how the other choice would have turned out, and you cannot know how you will feel ten years down the line. Choose based on how you feel now, and the financial considerations as you see them now and can forecast them now.

In your shoes, no, I wouldn’t. You’ve put your own career on hold for a long time, and your life following someone else’s around and being entirely financially dependent doesn’t sound particularly satisfying. Maybe a fulfilling professional and social life is the piece that’s missing, not another child?

Original poster
CaliforniaDreamingg · 26/08/2018 22:11

Thank you, I suppose I just need to sit down and try to work it all out for myself. Appreciate your advice Smile

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 26/08/2018 22:16

Don't forget your kids will eventually grow up and move on. You need something for you too. Whether it's career job hobby ...
Have 3 kids sure ...I have 3... but also think about your life in two decades and where you will be. Childcare should come out of the total joint salary.

cestlavielife · 26/08/2018 22:20

I don't think one more child is going to impact so much financially (tho cars and hotel rooms can get to be an issue) ...with two you already have costs but can pass on clothes and toys. But if you plan for your earning potential you could be better off financially in long term.

Racecardriver · 26/08/2018 22:23

What does your husband do in the military? If he is a lawyer or an engineer that will make a very big difference to your finances once he leaves in contrast to just being a regular soldier. With the information you have given I wouldn't. But I don't think that it would break you if you did.

TheRedRoom · 26/08/2018 22:24

I think you need to look closely at the numbers. How much do houses cost in the area you'd like to buy and what deposit will you need (remembering there will be an extra person in your family so you may need a slightly larger house eventually)? When is your dh's salary likely to reach the level where you could get a mortgage for a home? What are his plans for after leaving the military? What are his earnings likely to be then? Having another dc will potentially delay your return to work, so how will that impact your plans. I think you need to sit down and look at the numbers. I'd also say that you are still young and there's no need to rush the decision. You could wait a couple of years, save more and then go for it if you are still keen.