Autistic and want to punch the person in the upstairs flat

[PhilomenaButterfly]

STFU with your loud music! Turn it down! It'll go on all day now, it does every Sunday.

All the posters wondering why you mentioned your autism are part of the background confusion that NTs have when something triggers you that doesn’t even register on their radar, and they are bewildered you think it’s a problem.

The OP complains about loud music (every Sunday). Most people are unhappy about loud music, so in this specific context we all think the OP could quite reasonably ask their neighbour to turn it down.

Hi OP

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Oh I totally get you. I'm also autistic and a new upstairs neighbour ruined our little cottage flat for me to the point where we sold up and moved to a detached house!

The previous neighbours were considerate and out a lot. They sadly sold and some little demon woman moved in. She was always home. Always. And she had a tread like an elephant. Loud parties, blaring music and tv, rows with partner... generally just an inconsiderate cow.

The difference in DH and my reactions was quite telling. He is NT, I'm autistic. He was pissed off but it wasn't ruining his life or anything. I was in an absolute state. Every time I heard a stomp I would get a jolt of adrenaline. I was just sitting crying and rocking for hours and couldn't think of anything else.

So you have my total sympathy. People suck.

"Laughing out loud at all the comments about autism being irrelevant and to just go and ask them to turn it down. The ignorance is strong on this thread."

Quite. The replies rudely asking what autism has to do with it are quite astonishing.

OP I wouldn't be able to cope with this at all. I also wouldn't feel up to confronting them about it. The other night my neighbour was plastering until 1am, banging and scraping around. I was irrationally wound up but had to just stick ear plugs in and now my ear is completely blocked with wax, which happens every few months due to having to use ear plugs.

Also, people saying "just ask them to turn the music down"... that might take quite a lot of courage from someone who is neuro-typical, but not very good at being assertive, let alone a person with ASD - which by definition affects their communication and Interaction skills.

it is the neghbour that should use headphones. people.who play music audible outside their own property should be made to sleep on the street.

Display, what to DD is an intolerable noise level, to the rest of the family is reasonable. In the same way that DS can’t tolerate certain textures and has tactile issues that the rest of us don’t. Lack of awareness, because things are experienced in different ways by different individuals is part of the problem.

I am so happy I am at my lovely quiet in laws at the moment. If i was at home it would probably be "bump bump bump bump" loud crappy vibrating so called music for hours on end. It's the Bank Holiday weekend so she probably has her stupid friends round . Although it doesn't take a Bank Holiday for this. Sometimes it is because it's Tuesday. Or a day with a Y in. Or cos she just feels like it. Two floors below me - I shouldn't have to listen to your homemade rave.
Oh and yes we have asked her to stop. Even called the (useless) neighbourhood anti noise people and the Police ("she isn't actually breaking any laws")
Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up.
Hope your day improves OP.

Thing is , people telling OP to use ear plugs or ear defenders, what if OP wants to listen to the television ? Listen to the radio ? etc . I am not being goady but when ever I see these suggested I wonder, so voiced it this time.

OP it would get on my nerves too as I cannot seem to filter out such sounds either . Perhaps knock during the daytime and politely explain as a first option ?

I suggested the ear defenders as they were reduced from 100 to 25 quid and OP said she wanted to read. Have just bought some for my son.

Display, what to DD is an intolerable noise level, to the rest of the family is reasonable.

I'm aware of the difference, and Max has illustrated it well. But the OP themselves distinguished between background noise (tolerable to most people, even if not tolerable to OP) and this excessive loud noise which is annoying to most people (and may affect the OP more than most).

Also, people saying "just ask them to turn the music down"... that might take quite a lot of courage from someone who is neuro-typical, but not very good at being assertive, let alone a person with ASD - which by definition affects their communication and Interaction skills.

Absolutely. But really your options are to put up with it or to politely ask them to turn it down. (Or move...) Maybe a note?

I suggested the ear defenders as they were reduced from 100 to 25 quid and OP said she wanted to read. Have just bought some for my son.

Thank You and good advise in this instance .

Of course being autistic is relevant fgs.

Hope they STFU soon

For watching tv etc, I have noise cancelling audio headphones :)

😂 Thanks MyCat.

ManicUnicorn neither am I. Hence the thread. It doesn't stop me being very close to losing my shit.

Earplugs and noise cancelling headphones. They'll have to wait for a bit, well, at least the headphones will, as DD's got a birthday coming up and we're on a low income. Thanks for the suggestions though. And thanks to all the people who understand why I mentioned my autism. I'd assume that NT people don't want to kill people who won't just STFU.

I've been out, I'm going up now to ask them sweetly to turn the noise down through gritted teeth.

BeyondRadicalisation that's more than noise. I'd want to help that poor woman. I don't know how though.

zzzzz it's PSB, I'm sure you know I wouldn't actually punch anyone. I feel like it though. 👋

It would be quite lovely in here without the music. DD's drawing in her room, DS2's watching Dan TDM, who I quite enjoy listening to.

I'd assume that NT people don't want to kill people who won't just STFU.

Ha ha, dont assume that! I have misophonia and a certain sound makes me want to rip heads off.

What sound is that, and I promise never ever to make it in your vicinity. Ever.

@KitandPup I asked that and I AM autistic, with noise being my main issue.

I asked it because I assumed being subjected to loud music would drive anyone mad, so they didn't need to give it as a reason, or as a justification for wanting to punch someone.

But I do feel for the OP. I'm moving soon, again, and the thing I'm worried about is noise, again.

I can't tell you as it would be incredibly outing! Most misophonia seems to be do to with other people's eating or breathing, mine seems quite unusual I'm very grateful to friends and colleagues who accommodate me (even if they do take the piss as well ).

The reason I mentioned it was so as not to drip feed, and because I think it may be a reason why the fucking music is getting to me so much. I didn't know NT had a problem with people playing loud music. NT people baffle me.

I'll just keep very quiet then Display.