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Original poster

Anyone awake- I’m at rock bottom

33 replies

Sassyk · 24/08/2018 00:54

My partner of 12 years left me a few days ago, he has just admitted to having an affair with the person who teaches my daughter dance. I am devastated, worse still she lives round the corner and even worse she is the teaching assistant at the school my daughter starts at in September. I’m feel like I want to die. I’ve been texting him all night as I don’t understand why anyone would do that. He doesn’t respond. He told me he loved me on Tuesday but now can barely sound like he likes me. He wants to see his daughter I’ve said no not right now. What do I do about the school? I really don’t want my daughter at the school the person having an affair with my partner is working at. Would you move her? Tell the school?

OP posts:
ladyloopy · 24/08/2018 00:55

I don't have any advice but don't make any snap decisions yet. I'm so sorry, you must feel heartbroken. Thanks

Original poster
Sassyk · 24/08/2018 00:58

Thank you, I do I feel absolutely devastated. I don’t feel I can breath and I can’t eat or sleep.

OP posts:
LurpakIsTheOnlyButter · 24/08/2018 01:00

I'm so sorry Flowers

I've been there, my DP cheated with my next door neighbour. I just wanted to let you know everything can and will be ok.

You don't need him, he is an arsehole who has shown his true colours. Don't call and don't text, don't ask for the attention of a man who does not deserve you.

I would discuss the matter with the school in the hope that OW would be disciplined or removed from teaching DD. If not, I would remove DD for your sanity and to protect her.

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SnailMailFan · 24/08/2018 01:00

Oh you poor thing.

I’m sure lots of brilliant people will be along in a minute, but in the meantime I’m here. Hes an arsehole, and not worth all your anguish. Can you try to stop texting him, at least for 24 hours, to give yourself some time to think?

I completely understand that you don’t want your daughter to go to that school. If moving her is an option, I would. And dance class too. I think i’d tell the school why, if they asked. I might regret it afterwards, but I don’t think I could help myself.

Please look after yourself. Flowers

blackheartdarksoul · 24/08/2018 01:02

Something kind of like this happened to me and I know that right now you feel like your heart has been ripped out but it will get better.

Keep getting up in the morning and don't let this destroy you. I didn't eat for 5 weeks and I went down to just over 5st. Mane dude you eat even if you're not hungry.

He's a piece of shit and she's not any better, horrible bastard Thanks

Original poster
Sassyk · 24/08/2018 01:06

This is what I was hoping to hear that I’ll be ok and cope. At the moment I don’t feel like I will and I want him to feel all the pain I do. And if I’m honest I hope he comes home even though I know that is never going to happen.
I will email the school tomorrow and try to sound as emotionless as possible. I’m glad you got through it, can I ask when it got easier? At the moment I can’t imagine feeling well again

OP posts:
ladyloopy · 24/08/2018 01:07

I can't see the school doing anything. What could they do?

Honestly, I'd move her. It'll be bloody awful for you.

ladyloopy · 24/08/2018 01:07

And I'd damn well tell the school why!

Original poster
Sassyk · 24/08/2018 01:09

Thanks blackheart i have to get up but I think I might need help to do it. I can’t imagine anyone loving me and I am completely lost.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sassyk · 24/08/2018 01:11

Yes I suppose I want them to know why I’m movinng her and how i go about it. Even if I can? Bar going to a school miles away

OP posts:
Original poster
Sassyk · 24/08/2018 01:13

Thank you snail for your kind words. I know but I want her in some small way to feel the pain I do. Even if i know life never works like that

OP posts:
LurpakIsTheOnlyButter · 24/08/2018 01:15

I would say that this woman has an inappropriate relationship with your child and this cannot continue as it will confuse and emotionally impact DD.

You, on the other hand, need time and space to have a bit of perspective on things. this is not easy, it's no fun and you need to breathe, eat, sleep. Take care of yourself and your precious daughter.

You WILL be ok. It will take time but it will happen

SD1978 · 24/08/2018 01:17

Practically- you may not be able to move her if there are no other schools with spaces. I'm sorry that this is happening to you, and he has betrayed you in an awful way. But- and I'm sorry. This isn't your daughters fault. If there are no safety concerns there is no reason to not allow him to spend time with her. Is there a neutral territory you could drop her off so you dont have to see him? It will get better. At least it will, slowly, start to hurt less. Do you have IRL support you can lean on?

Original poster
Sassyk · 24/08/2018 01:22

No I know I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’ve said he can see her next week but not on his own. The issue I have is he was taking her to see OW at her house and so I don’t trust him.
But yes I know it’s not her fault my daughters

OP posts:
Goostacean · 24/08/2018 01:27

Oh, OP, some people are just really, really, REALLY shitty.

His behaviour is no reflection on you. It reflects the ugliness he has inside :( Why don’t you put some quiet music on or a TV show in the background, something to distract you and hopefully let you get some sleep? There’s no benefit to mulling everything over a hundred times late at night.

You WILL get through this.

TheMythicalChicken · 24/08/2018 01:28

I would tell the school. Even though she isn't teaching your DD at school now, she has been her dancing teacher and that is a despicable way for her to behave. The school need to know so that they can keep an eye on things. She did it to your family, so she will probably do the same to another family.

I am so sorry you are going through this Sad.

pjl33 · 24/08/2018 01:35

I'm so sorry...

If you tell the school they should be able to make sure your daughter is not ever in a class supported by this woman.

PinkAvocado · 24/08/2018 01:47

This must be so tough. What an awful thing to do to you. The school will want to know. Any changes at home are useful for the school to be aware of but this situation has the potential to be extremely difficult for your dc so even more important that they know. Flowers

Winkybum · 24/08/2018 01:52

CakeFlowersGinBrewWine

Whatever you need to get through this time.

Whiskeyjar · 24/08/2018 02:08

Just think, it may not feel like it now but this could be the first part of a journey that gives you a much better and happier life than you had before

Keep your head up and your dignity intact. Sending you love x

newTag · 24/08/2018 02:15

The school will want to know to keep an eye on your daughter. They have no business beyond that.

Why will you keep your daughter away from her father? He has as much right to see her as you.

BlancheM · 24/08/2018 02:18

Just another voice to add that it will get better. It really does. I know that sounds almost unthinkable right now, but it will Thanks

Original poster
Sassyk · 24/08/2018 04:59

It does sound unthinkable I feel shattered and completely broken. I want to make him pay but want him at home too. I won’t stop him seeing dc I am just very angry and it won’t be with her.

OP posts:
librarysuperstar · 24/08/2018 05:54

What an awful thing to go through, I just wanted to post to send moral support and let you know someone is awake and listening. ThanksCake

headhurtstoomuch · 24/08/2018 06:33

Insist to the school your child has no contact with this woman otherwise you will go to the papers. Are teachers even allowed to have relationships with parents whose children are at the same school?

Kick up such a fuss and I'd personally tell the headteacher everything. Even if they can't actually do anything I'd think she'd be mortified that her colleagues knew what was going on.

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