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Original poster

Feeling crap about all my poor life choices...

37 replies

UniformShop · 22/08/2018 20:14

I'm 36, no career, skint and not going anywhere.

All around me, my friends and family have done so much better in their careers. Of course I know everyone's life isn't plain sailing but with regards to career - I'm a total loser.

I can't retrain to do anything. It's too late. I have just had a baby whose a few months old and can't go back to work to my nmw job as my salary wouldn't cover childcare for baby and wrap around care for other DC.

I just feel like such a failure. I'm embarrassed. I wish I had chosen another degree. I wish I could just turn the clocks back and start again. I know I just need to deal with it but it makes me so sad.

OP posts:
FayeBentos · 22/08/2018 20:21

Why do you think it is too late to retrain? You have at least another 30 years of working before you can draw a state pension.

Original poster
UniformShop · 22/08/2018 20:26

I can't afford to go back to uni or do another course.

OP posts:
Original poster
UniformShop · 22/08/2018 20:27

I will go back to some sort of job when baby is at school but no doubt it will be a low paid admin job which is what I have always ever done.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 22/08/2018 20:27

You say you have a degree, so that's an achievement you can be proud of, for one thing.

Your children won't be small forever. Could you go back to work part time once they are at school/nursery? If you want to change direction, have you looked into retraining?

You have years ahead of you to forge a new career - don't feel everything is over when you are 36.

ScreamingValenta · 22/08/2018 20:28

What field is your degree in, if you don't mind my asking?

Original poster
UniformShop · 22/08/2018 20:30

I just barely scraped a 2:2 and had really bad mental health issues during my degree. I didn't manage to secure a training placement even after so many interviews. I couldn't deal with the pressure and gave up.

OP posts:
Original poster
UniformShop · 22/08/2018 20:31

I am embarrassed to even tell people why my degree is in

OP posts:
Original poster
UniformShop · 22/08/2018 20:31

*what

OP posts:
DayKay · 22/08/2018 20:32

You’re only 36. I know lots of people who retrained at this age and into 40’s. A couple trained as teachers, one as a midwife, one a chiropodist and a couple took on franchises and are running them now.

What would you like to do?

Timeisslippingaway · 22/08/2018 20:34

I feel the same OP. I am in a low paid job, working from home but I couldn't possibly afford to give up work and go to uni or college, I have 2 kids and the thought of working 7.30 till 6 every day also looking after my 2 kids and studying at night for possibly 7 years (by the time I would be qualified for anything decent) is just too daunting. I know I wouldn't be able to fo it all and I would give up. I feel shit about it. On the other had my dp did study for 6 years and has not yet managed to get a job remotley related to his degree and work 2 low paid jobd to earn a decent living.

DayKay · 22/08/2018 20:35

Why so negative?
You got a 2:2 when you had bad mental health issues. I think that’s amazing.

ScreamingValenta · 22/08/2018 20:37

Achieving a degree of whatever class is an achievement, especially if you were struggling with your mental health at the time.

C0untDucku1a · 22/08/2018 20:41
  1. Why does your wage have to cover the childcare? That should be a shared cost.
  2. Look at post-grad professional qualifications at your local college. Evening, when your dh is home and he parents while you study. You might need a Childminder for two Hours to cover cross over of time of course starting and dh getting home. I went to speak to the admissions at my local
College and basiclaly they were happy with me to choose whatever course i wanted to do. because im paying for it What type of industry were you working admin?
nowifi · 22/08/2018 20:42

I was well chuffed with my 2:2 Grin All is not lost OP!

LoniceraJaponica · 22/08/2018 20:43

I never went to university. After school I got a job. At 40 I took some professional qualifications and was subsequently promoted.

It is never too late.

NewDirectionNeeded · 22/08/2018 20:45

I have a very similar thread running OP, so can obviously relate.

EvaHarknessRose · 22/08/2018 20:47

Hey, start with being proud (and accepting) of where you are and what you have. Focus yourself on the needs of your new baby, and on creating a stable base for good mental health for the next few decades (a good routine, healthy lifestyle, valuing yourself, friendships, balance). Then as your little one grows up, get into work and work your way up by being dependable, hard working and showing your value. You are doing just fine.

DieAntword · 22/08/2018 20:49

I am content with my lack of career but I really regret wasting my 20s on drugs and trying to be “creative” and bumming around when I could have been working hard and saving money so that I could have an easier life now.

I wish just one person had really looked me in the eye and talked to me about it, at any time from age 16 to 27. I might not have listened - I was a bit of a shit - but I would like to have had the chance to have some sense talked into me.

CherryPavlova · 22/08/2018 21:15

So you’ve made poor choices thus far? Only you can change that. Is the babies father around? Could he eventually support you to retrain and restart a career when the baby is old enough?

I wonder whether having a baby a few months old might be part of the reason you feel this way. Have you considered postnatal depression? If not actually PND then maybe the daily grind of babycare and childcare are taking their toll. That’s not abnormal and doesn’t signify the end of all life’s joys.

Once your baby is a bit older think about ways to boost your cv and make it more current. Use those family management skills to build competencies. Join the NCT and run the clothes sale or be the local group secretary. Become part of the PTA and run the school fete or do the events newsletter. Time enough for that though. At the moment just try and get to a point where you enjoy your family.

Original poster
UniformShop · 22/08/2018 21:23

I don't know. I know I should feel proud of my degree but it's vocational and I am so embarrassed of telling people what I studied as everyone really thinks I'm stupid for not sticking with it.
I could have been earninf £40k but instead I am on low paid jobs. My parents are really disappointed in me and they gave me a very hard time for it for a very long time including my siblings.

I think subconsciously, I am trying to "prove" to them that I'm not a failure. DH keeps telling me that I'm doing just fine etc but it's not registering

OP posts:
BigBlueBubble · 22/08/2018 21:29

I’m in the same boat. Raised with great expectations by parents who sacrificed to help me achieve. Got top grades and postgraduate qualifications. Supposedly had a great future ahead of me BUT a decent job never materialised. I never had the opportunity to work hard and progress. 15 years have passed since I graduated from my masters and I’ve still never had a proper job, just min wage crap with no opportunities or progression.

I feel guilty, ashamed, like I’ve let everyone down including myself and worst of all my parents. I feel angry because I did everything “right” but my excellent education didn’t lead to an excellent job like I was promised it would. It isn’t fair. I don’t understand why others got offered decent jobs but I didn’t. I feel like it must be my fault somehow, but I don’t know how or why.

DelurkingAJ · 22/08/2018 21:34

Could you look at an apprenticeship? They’re quite definitely not for the young and are offered in more office type jobs as well as ‘typical’ vocations. I realise it’s be less than NMW but it’s be cheaper than another degree.

Lynne1Cat · 22/08/2018 21:43

You've got a husband and 2 lovely kids. You've got a degree (the subject isn't important). You say you've recently had a baby. Could you have PND? Or just tired?

Don't be so hard on yourself - you've got years of wondering what to do when your children are a bit older.

As for your parents/siblings saying they're disappointed, that's unfair. You are a mum, and you are doing the best you can. That's something to be proud of.

DayKay · 22/08/2018 21:47

Everyone’s circumstances are different and you should feel no shame about where you are in life.
You’ve got a degree, you’ve been working, you seem to have a decent partner and you have a baby.

Don’t dwell on what could have been. Forget about your parents disappointment.

Look forward. How would you like your life to be in 5 years time?
There’ll be people here who will be able to give you brilliant advice.

Crinkle77 · 22/08/2018 21:53

bigbluebubble i feel exactly the same as you. I got a 2:1 degree and a masters but haven't done anything with it. I never really what I wanted to do with my life. The only thing I really wanted was to get in to was lecturing but had no idea how to go about it and did not have the bottle to stand in front of a class and talk. I just bummed about in my 20's and lost my confidence. I had these really good qualifications but no experience. I could not even pass the initial telephone interview for a bank and I think I just stopped trying cos of i didn't try i couldn't fail. I have struggled to move up on my current job. It's an low paid customer service role that does not offer much opportunity to further my skills. When I have been for interviews my nerves seem to get the better of me. I have taken steps to enhance my skills by doing a leadership qualification in work shop hoping this be the start of my development. But I bitterly regret messing about in my 20's and 30's. I was interested in having a good time and have now got 40 and am starting to panic.

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