Feeling crap about all my poor life choices...

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I'm 36, no career, skint and not going anywhere.

All around me, my friends and family have done so much better in their careers. Of course I know everyone's life isn't plain sailing but with regards to career - I'm a total loser.

I can't retrain to do anything. It's too late. I have just had a baby whose a few months old and can't go back to work to my nmw job as my salary wouldn't cover childcare for baby and wrap around care for other DC.

I just feel like such a failure. I'm embarrassed. I wish I had chosen another degree. I wish I could just turn the clocks back and start again. I know I just need to deal with it but it makes me so sad.

You can refrain OP, or discover an opportunity. Somehow, at some point. In who knows what. You can find a way - just open your mind, make the request out loud - exactly what you want. This will tune your mind to notice opportunities.

You have a parent problem and a negative thinking problem (snap - me too). Your path needs to include detaching from the internalised criticism of your parents (leave them behind) and to wake up to all the millions of undermining things you say to yourself every day. Start to notice all the dark cruel thoughts and start to try to actively change them. Start to praise yourself and love yourself - because why not? This is your life. Free yourself from that crap.

Just start there - change the internal dialogue. You’ll be amazed what could unfold.

OP, there are lots of opportunities out there that offer training on the job. Have you heard about the civil service apprenticeship scheme? www.gov.uk/government/organisations/civil-service-fast-track-apprenticeship

There are certain professions within the NHS that are literally crying out for more staff. The funding is there, nobody is applying for the jobs. There is a national shortage of Podiatrists for example. It’s 3 years of training but an almost guaranteed job after.

WhatKaty: Civil Service apprenticeships are not open to OP as she has a degree.

OP younhave my sympathy! I would dread to go to a school reunion as at school I was the class swot in a lot of subjects. I must have peaked early as I haven’t achieved what was expected of me. My teachers woukd probably be shocked to find out I am not working as a bloody diplomat or something!

I am happy really though. Lovely family, nice house etc. I have all I need. Just not “status”, Achievements or the ability to progress to a better job

Make a 5 year plan op. What sort of career change would you like to do?
Can you study part time at home in the evenings? Can you attend an evening class at the local adult education college?
Think about the long term goal and take small steps to achieve it.
I know if feels impossible now your baby is still so small but things will change as they get older.
FWIW I’m early 40’s and am just about to start a university degree. It will take me 4 years to qualify but even then I’ll still have over 20 years of my working life left!
Aim for something that will fulfill you. Your children won’t be small forever.
Good luck

Op I remember someone saying on another thread would you rather reach 50 and be qualified in something new or be 50 and still qualified. Might not have been 50 but the point being is it's never to late and you need to take action now to make your future self happy x

Don't beat yourself up!! Think of all your achievements?

Degree, Pregnancy, birth, marriage, holding down a job (albeit "low paid admin" there are plenty of people too lazy to do that!).

Be kind to yourself about things, count every small achievement.

Not all of us can be celebrities and high achievers... Some of us need to be normal (myself included!!)

Comparison is the enemy contentment. Decide what you really want in clear terms with regards to a career, family and life - is it status, money, satisfaction? If anything is going to work for you, it has to be more than just raising your perceived worth in the eyes of others.

Thank you so much from your replies. You know- you have all made me feel so much better.

CherryPavlova I think you're right. I think it is a little bit of exhaustion and daily grind of having a baby. I haven't slept more than 2hours continuous in a night for months. I definitely think it's affecting my mental health and contributing to my low mood. Everything seems crap at the moment. I was definitely happy pre baby and immediately post baby too.

Yes- I should bloody feel good about myself for having completed my degree. And sod anyone who looks down on me because of not continuing with it.

I really am being a miserable ungrateful cow atm. Thanks - this thread has really helped!

What attracted you to your degree subject in the first place, and are you still interested in that field?

You can get postgraduate loans and there are bursarys and scholarships to be had. Find something you're interested in with a high likely good of employment. I retrained in a professional career in my 30s with, started when ds was one, had another baby too... It's possible. Agree that there are certain NHS areas that will have shortages for years....

I could have written this. I'm the same age as you, my third child is still a baby. I have a degree but have done care work since I graduated. However, I'm fully planning on gaining professional qualifications soon (probably children's nursing or social work)! We can do it, OP!