For those with older children, what would you have told yourself as a parent of younger children?

[famousfour]

I have a pre schooler and child in year two. A thought inspired by another thread but for those of you with older children is there anything looking back that you wish you had done when your children were young? Could be anything - adopt certain house rules, have certain holidays or activities, save more, spend more, work more, work less. General or specific. Whatever!

When you're scrubbing sneezed Weetabix off the wall, hopping about in agony after stepping on Lego or sewing endless name tags on their school uniform, you'll curse under your breath about the never ending list of things to do. Eventually they'll move out, the house will be cleaner and tidier, but it's not quite the same. 😢

I would have told myself that the moment you shout or argue with a child you have lost. I also wish I never ever smacked my children, but I did, I can’t say they would be so nice now if I hadn’t but it is my biggest regret😩

You really miss your evenings as they get older...

Make the most of them!

Bring them to places like museums , mountains, castles, sights, new places, etc as much as you can. This stems from a conversation l had with my dd24 today who was raving about all the places we brought her as a kid . At the time they often had a long face but today she says she has so many happy memories of it and loved it! I'm talking from 5 up here.

Relish being able to take a picnic to the park and spend the whole day with the dc just playing in the playground and running up and rolling down hills.
Amusing them is much harder when they are older.

I’d say don’t stress about food fussiness.

Ds3-18 was a nightmare eater ; he loved gravy dinners (with any veg) , marmite toast , warm weetabix , chicken dippers and chips.

That was it, hated crisps, sausages, pasta, etc.

School lunch box was a rice cake, orange juice and a yogurt.

I didn’t stress and gave him what he would eat and left it there ( despite silently screaming)

As he got older he chose to eat everything we ate but at his own pace and with no pressure.

Now he eats everything and enjoys it all.

Try to enjoy everything as much as you can. Mine are 19 & 15 now. I look back on their baby/toddler days and I was always stressing about something feeding,sleeping, anything else I could think of. I really wish I’d given myself a shake and enjoyed it more. I miss those days so much.

Really treasure the early years and enjoy them because (a) they go so fast and (b) those memories help you through the difficult teenage stage.

Were they go through the tutting, eye rolling teenage years, where you are an embarrassment to them and they hate you, remember it's just a phase. They'll grow out of it, just like we did.

This is a lovely thread.

My daughter is 3 and it is already easy to see that I worried unnecessarily about her early development. Comparison truly is the thief of joy when you start comparing your baby to another one.

Let them be and don’t fret too much about phases.

I think I did insist on helping around the house and tidying but as adults they are both really messy and I struggle with that although neither lives at home- I wish I knew what I could have done differently there.

Steer them towards decent friends and hobbies but be subtle, if they suspect you can guarantee they will choose the opposite.

Appreciate how they will sit on your knee for a cuddle and a story. Mine are 10 and 8 now and still want cuddles but they're so long and bony! I love remembering how they were small and squishy.
And yes, I'm making sure I appreciate them now too as I'm very aware of how quickly the time flies past.

Parent the child that they are not the child that you think they should be or would find easier. You have to try and work out what works with that individual's personality.
Pick your battles but make sure you do have battles. They need a good foundation.

Following

Absolutely love this thread.

I might get flamed for this, but they DO NOT remember if they are left to cry as a baby.
With DC1 I rushed to her side whenever she cried. By the time DC2 and DC3 came around I had my hands full and couldn't always go to them straight away. They have all grown into loving, happy, secure little people!

Remember they will follow your lead. So if you make it a big deal about school friendships/SATS/getting a part in the school play etc etc so will they.

Just pretend it doesn't really matter and it won't matter to them.

For people saying make them tidy up early, how do you balance that with letting them play independently. My two year old, as most, has a super short attention span, so he moves from toy to toy quickly. I can get him to put away each toy before getting a new one out if I sit on the floor and constantly direct him but I feel like I should be leaving him to it when he plays so he can learn independence.

And then at the end of it all I can get him to help tidy but he doesn’t have the attention span to do more than put a few bits in the box while I do the bulk of it.

Don't beat yourself up about their diet. The day will come when they are buying multi packs of crisps and litre bottles of coke on the way to school.

The early mornings won't last forever, the day will come when you'll be yelling at the them to get up at midday.

Let them know that, no matter what, you'll always love them and be there for them. Don't punish them for telling the truth and they'll be less likely to lie to you when they get older.

Stop worrying, he'll still be here in 20 years time.

Loving this thread. Currently exasperated with dc who are 4 and 2 and feel i spend an eternity trying to get them to sleep. I'm sleep deprived and much less patient than i used to be. This is reminding me of the lovely things i should appeciate!

I wouldn't worry too much about getting your two year old to tidy up, joining in a bit when you (or any other adult) clears away is good enough for now, just gradually up how much they do vs you as they get bigger. It won't necessarily help later anyway, my 17 year old was a very compliant child, and she is still lovely but her room is a pit.

Don't worry too much about 'creating memories' except for you, people remember very very little from when they were tiny, and what they do remember is pretty random. We emigrated with our children when they were about 7 and 8 and ten years on they have few clear memories of the UK. I often hear people on threads about moving abroad talk what a 'great experience' it will be that children will remember for a lifetime and think that it's possible they won't remember anything at all or alternatively will just recall some a hundrum family conversation on the way to the great sight instead of the great sight itself.

Die -I think that’s enough, at his age. My daughter has just turned 3, and is keen to help for ages...in her mind. It isn’t very long to me.

I find children’s concepts of time fascinating in comparison to adults. They have had so little time, so half an hour seems much longer to them. I remember, as a child even into my teens, finding 6 weeks (so the school summer holidays) endless. 6 weeks at almost 30 passes so quickly I don’t always know what week it is!

That helps me remain mindful of how my daughter sees the world and experiences things, when she’s being a bit frustrating.

Develop small family rituals,I have been a single parent since my kids were small ( 15 years now) I always worked and was often knackered but the things the kids talk about are memories ,like our indoor picnics( Gregg's social rolls) treat Friday ,still do this. Birthday breakfast ,lots more like this, some of which came from having little time or money, but cliche as it sounds the kids sense the love in it.
My eldest is off to uni soon,it really does fly by.

Mine aren't quite teens yet, so I'm not qualified to comment about teenage/ grown up children, but at this stage my advice about the baby/ toddler stage is don't worry so much. All the sleep, food and potty training type stuff can be so overwhelming at the time, but matters very little in the long run. By the time you get to school no-one cares if they had 1 or 2 naps a day, breast/ bottle fed and what age they potty trained.

Try to spend less time worrying and more time enjoying (even though some days are a long way off enjoyable)!