12 year old daughter no friends and is lonely

[Kelly1605]

Hi, I’m
Wondering if anyone can help or has had the same issue. My daughter has just turned 12, she has kids she speaks too at school and walks around with etc but has no real close friends. She always struggled with this her whole life and she has been crying to me saying she “just wants a friend” and it breaks my heart. She has no one to go do things with in the holidays etc we take her places obviously but it’s not the same not having another kid similar age for her to talk too. She’s an only child and my boyfriend also has a 3 year old that stays with us 3 days of the week. She is a very young 12, I think she struggles having anything in common with the 12 year olds she knows as they all like make up, boys etc but she likes to draw, sew and collect squishes. I think she is very mildly autistic also which makes it all
harder, I just don’t now what to do to
Help :(
Any replies would be appreciated so much! Xx

Thank you to each and every one of you that has taken the time out to reply :) I know a lot of you have suggested girl guides which I have also suggested to her but it worries her as they do a lot of trips and camping which she really doesn’t like being away from home over night unless it’s with family so guides is a no no really. She has said she doesn’t want loads of friends just a couple who are “like her”. I think she aware she is abit different to the typical 12 year olds at her school and has different interests but she really is so young minded and very naive for her age.
A couple of lovely mums have messaged me saying their daughter is going through the same thing and have suggested both our daughters swap instagrams for them to get talking on there too which I’m really grateful for and if anyone on here who reads this and has a lonely daughter who would like a friend, please do inbox me and they can swap Instagram names :) it’s not friends in person form I know but it’s a start and beats some of the loneliness xxx

I think guides and scouts do lots of things weekly and children don’t have to do the overnight camps and trips. Each group is different and they may concentrate on different things, my child decided to go to group that goes out and about every week, another group did more badge work.
My children also play mine craft after school and meet people they know on the game. They also just play on the game and meet people there. I was reluctant to get them the game but they really enjoy it.

Girls absolutely don't have to take part in residential events to be Guides - there are heaps of reasons that girls might choose not to go on Residentials, or might not be able to go away with their Units.

I really would recommend reassuring your DD she'll not be expected to go away, & getting her to try Guides. The programme change means that she won't be "behind" her peers if she's worried about that; and if you're clear & honest about her needs when you register her online, the Unit Leaders will be able to provide her with the optimum level of support (so mentioning that "she's awaiting an autism diagnosis & struggles with [things she finds particularly difficult] but we use [coping strategies] to manage", for example).

Hi just joined. Ive been reading the post about 12 year old daughter having no friends. I know it was posted back in August but i thought id still comment. My 12 year daughter is exactly the same. She wants friends. Shes sociable but feels excluded by other girls in her class .i wish i understood why? How is your daughter getting on now?

If you can afford it - I would pay for a therapist with experience in autistic children. I sent my ASD son to a therapist for a few sessions to teach him some social skills and it was extremely helpful. in particular she showed him how to 'shine his light' i.e. ask someone he likes questions about things they like doing.

That is a good idea. Ive always wondered if there was something underlying that stops her making connections needed for proper friendships. Thanks.
By the way how do you inbox people on here?

I had this problem with both my 12 and 10 yo dds. My 10yo was really suffering.

so for both of them I got some cards made up at Vistaprint with my name telephone number and address with a little message

would you like to come round.

I asked both of them to hand them out and ask that they be passed on to parents.

it appears to have worked a treat.

tomorrow, ones at a sleep over the other is at a birthday party - yay me! free evening

I felt it was a case of be trying to make it happen, I also have made the house kid friendly and welcoming with a snack box and a variety of juices.

The thing is other parents will jump at the chance if dumping their kids for a few hours somewhere safe gives them a bit of down time.

also if your a sahp get them to come around directly after school, they'll suddenly be the flavour if the day with you doing free after-school care.

I would email the school and ask whether their special needs co-ordinator (SENCO) had any suggestions. I work in a secondary school and we do try to 'help along' friendships between students that are struggling socially - particularly the girls with autism. Quite often, friendships grow between girls that wouldn't normally come across each other, because they're in different years. It's definitely worth a try.

Hi
Thanks for the ideas. I have spoken to and been up to school a few times..ive asked them if they can try and find a few nice girls and help a friendship along but they wont. They have done a few things and she speaks to school counsellor..

I've done the school thing in the past and I've found that because they are so over worked it's a priority that slips ,Hence the cards that my two could hand out at their own discretion , took a while but it's worked for us.

Yes you are right about not being school priority. Might try that idea thanks

I really would consider guides again, even do a bit of research and speak to the leader?

They do so many art based and craft activities, and she really won’t have to do any of the camp trips if she doesn’t want to. I think she might find one or two like minded people.

Hi how is your daughter getting on now? I have the same issues with my 12 yr old, it’s absolutely heart braking 💔 xx