If you don't drive, does your DP drive you places?

[Dropitlow]

Not up for AIBU so putting this here! I'm learning to drive at the moment but DP drives so obviously when we go places together he does the driving. I paid half of the cost of the car but he typically pays for petrol though occasionally I do too.

When we lived in the city I'd usually get a bus or train if I was going out somewhere. DP didn't really offer often when we first got together so I tried not to ask. However we now live in a small town and the transport is pretty poor (hence why I'm learning to drive). For my job I have to work at a different site for 2 Saturdays in a row. It would take about 1.5- 2 hours to get there on public transport, including about a mile walk from the nearest bus stop to the site and two buses. Driving there takes about 45 minutes so it's not super close but halves the travel time and the buses aren't always reliable. I'm thinking of asking DP to drive me there but don't know if that's very unreasonable of me. He won't be working himself so he will be available but I feel bad to ask as it is quite far.

Does anyone else not drive and have a partner who does? Do they offer lifts generally?

I'd ask my DP either to drop me off or pick me up (and I know he'd say yes). Assuming it wasn't monsoon weather, I would, however, take the longer option of public transport either there or back. To me, it wouldn't seem quite fair to ask him to drive 90 minutes (round trip) to save you 45 minutes twice, but I would ask him to do it once.

*I mean once on each of the two Saturdays, by the way, not just once overall!

I drive and DH can't for medical reasons, and we live somewhere with mediocre public transport options. I do drive him places as long as it doesn't inconvenience me too much (I know, I'm a delight).

A 45 min trip for you is 2 x 90 minute journeys for him. I wouldn't be thrilled about doing that on my day off. Is there a compromise, eg could he drive you as far as the second bus? Or is there somewhere he might like to spend Saturday close by and you could chip in to the cost of whatever that is, like a cinema ticket?

My feelings might change if you moved somewhere with shit public transport at his request. I also suspect I haven't taken into account the fact that you paid for half the car, and also any other relationship dynamics (eg do you do all the housework?)

Yes my dh kindly drives me anywhere I wish to go. I like to walk wherever possible though.

Like PP, I drive and DH doesn't. We live in outer London and public transport is pretty good so for the most part if DH is going somewhere without me then he gets public transport, although I do often offer to drive him esp. if it's somewhere inconvenient by bus or its late at night or he has things to carry etc. He usually says no though and he isn't averse to getting an Uber or taxi if needed so it works out fine.

In your circumstance I would expect to offer but DH to refuse at least some of the time, perhaps I would drive him one way esp. if there are things to do in the place where you work, such as shops or the gym or whatever, and then he would get public transport back or a taxi. I have to say I wouldn't be delighted at doing a 90 min round trip or two to get him to work on my Saturday but I would probably offer (and hope he said no!)

I do know some non-driving people whose DPs/DHs do much more ferrying of them around that I do though, one memorable occasion my friend's BF drove a 3.5 hour round trip into central London from Kent because she wanted to stay out later than the last train and didn't like being away from home overnight (despite being offered my spare room!)- call me unromantic but I def wouldn't be doing that for DH in a hurry!

I’m quite baffled by the idea that you feel bad asking your partner (You mean partner in life, who shares your bed, right? Not business partner) to take you to work in the car that you paid half for!!

My parents both drive and if either of them for whatever reason couldn’t drive to somewhere the other would drive them no problem. Unless they were actually at work or away somewhere else themselves.

Generally only if we are both going wherever it is I want to go. He doesn't take me anywhere I am going by myself, unless it's an emergency, e.g. once my ( local) train was cancelled so he drove me to catch the connecting mainline service.

OH drives where I can't walk to or get a bus, but I'm often offered a lift home from any of the clubs I belong to.

@IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan I know if I asked he definitely would but he's not that forthcoming with offering. It's partly because he grew up with both parents not driving so was expected to get himself to and from everywhere.

@borlottibeans yep, the move was mainly instigated by him as he got a job here. We share the housework pretty evenly.
I thought about asking him to drive me part of the way but it's really the last leg that's the most difficult.

Mine works 7-5 Mon to Friday. I work in care so my shift vary, he always offers to pick me up at my 10pm finishes.

I wouldn't mind getting the bus of he wanted to relax at home though!

Neither of us drive. But if one of us did then when possible I'm side we'd give the other a lift.

Yes but why would you feel bad for asking? it’s your car too!

If my journey to work was about 1 hour 30 minutes on public transport, but dh driving me would be 45 minutes there and 45 minutes back for him, no-I would not ask him to drive me!

@IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan I guess because of the time involved? I know being a passenger is different to driving and 45 minutes is quite a big drive.

I don't normally ask for lifts because it's a round trip (or two round trips if a lift home as well) which is a waste of time for DH.

@Holidayshopping 1.5 hours is best case scenario, it could be more like 2 depending on how the connections align.

Before DH recently passed his test I insisted on giving him lifts to work when he was in the office and I didn't have plans.

15 minutes in the car vs 90 minutes on the bus so I could get him there and get home in a third of the time it'd take for him to just get there. That's literally a no nonsense lift.

It's a bit different in your example because your DH's 'commute' to get to you to/from work is basically the same as yours because he has to do the return journey once he's dropped you off and then repeat at the end of your shift.

I'd never ask DH to do that kind of lift for me, nor would he ask for one but I'd offer a one way option for DH because it would make his day that much easier with only a small inconvenience for me.

If you’re learning to drive, could you drive with your partner supervising?

Ok-1.5/2 hours for you or 1.5 for him to take you.

Twice a day.

I still wouldn’t ask.

Maybe he could take you there and you make your own way back?

Doesn’t bother me. My DP is banned at the moment (I know ) and I often pick him up from work (2/3 times a week) as he works in a dodgy area and wouldn’t want him standing at the train station late at night there. Driving through it is bad enough. It’s hardly down the road either- 10 mins to him, 20 mins to his and about 20 mins home.

I don’t know why your even asking this tbh OP.

I thought he could do something like go out and get a meal and see a movie (my treat) while I'm at work so he wouldn't have to do the trip twice - it'd be about 5 hours in total I'd be at work @Holidayshopping. But I probably won't ask and that's why I didn't.

That’s a v long commute for only 5 hours of work, I hope the pay is worth it!

That's nice of you @NevilleLuna, most of the people on this thread seem to think I shouldn't ask so I guess people think about this differently.