If you don't drive, does your DP drive you places?

[Dropitlow]

Not up for AIBU so putting this here! I'm learning to drive at the moment but DP drives so obviously when we go places together he does the driving. I paid half of the cost of the car but he typically pays for petrol though occasionally I do too.

When we lived in the city I'd usually get a bus or train if I was going out somewhere. DP didn't really offer often when we first got together so I tried not to ask. However we now live in a small town and the transport is pretty poor (hence why I'm learning to drive). For my job I have to work at a different site for 2 Saturdays in a row. It would take about 1.5- 2 hours to get there on public transport, including about a mile walk from the nearest bus stop to the site and two buses. Driving there takes about 45 minutes so it's not super close but halves the travel time and the buses aren't always reliable. I'm thinking of asking DP to drive me there but don't know if that's very unreasonable of me. He won't be working himself so he will be available but I feel bad to ask as it is quite far.

Does anyone else not drive and have a partner who does? Do they offer lifts generally?

If it was a regular occurrence (as in, your job is going to require this a lot), then I wouldn’t ask and would instead be trying to work out the difficulties with my manager at work.

But if it’s literally going to be just these 2 times, I’d definitely ask.

Don’t not ask out of ... what? Embarrassment? Worry about being a burden?

Could you get some driving practice in with your partner as passenger?

Could he drive you part way? Like to make the first connection?

Is it a one (or two) off?

We both drive but if for some reason my partner couldn't, I don't think I'd want to drive him 45 mins to work, hang around for 'about' 5 hours and then drive home again. Nor would I want to spend three hours driving on my day off.
We do give each other lifts sometimes (pick up from train station, if it's to an event where the other wants to have a drink etc) but I think the time involved in your example is just too much.

No, not for that amount of time. It's 45 minutes for you, but 90 minutes for him, then the same again in the evenings. It's a long way.

I drive and DP doesn't

I drop him to work most mornings and then on to work myself , I pick him up once or twice a week from his work especially if we are off out somewhere or it's tipping it down with rain. If he's on call he can get sent to some pretty remote locations so I drive as it's the middle of the night usually and even if he could drive it's not the type of places I would want anyone to go alone to at 3 am.

We often go away for the weekend on road trips and I do all the driving which I'm quite happy to do , we have said that it would be great if he could drive we could share the driving and maybe go further but like all things it's fitting it in time wise

Like all things in our life we share because we are a team .

In your case DP would probably offer, and, maybe, try to insist, but I'd refuse. It's my issue that I don't drive, not his, and it's up to me to get around. I wouldn't him to put himself out so much for me on his day off.

I felt bad enough, recently, asking him to come and pick me up from 4 miles away at midnight. It was pure laziness on my part. I'm taking the bike next time. It will be a slow, uphill journey home but that's my lookout.

Only to places he'd be going anyway. I get buses most of the time.

I'd raise my eyebrows if he was an arse about me being a non driver. Running his car is not cheap. When you add up insurance, tax, petrol, mot and repairs, etc, it comes to a fair whack. He could give up the car and take buses if he chose to but he doesn't, so we pay for him to be a driver. We could always stop paying if it was a source of irritation for him being the sole driver in the family.

So it's either 2 x 1.5 hour trips for you or 2 x 1.5 hour trips for him. I'd say take public transport

I was just about to say what cat lady said. Plus he loses his free time,

As it's a one off (two-off?) I would be more than happy to drive my wife this distance if she didn't drive and I was free, and she would do the same for me (I just asked her out of curiosity). If it was regular, then I would make other arrangements, but I'm happy to help her out. Maybe you could compromise and get the bus there and he picks you up when you're tired so you don't have the walk? We used to do this, she got the bus to work and I would drive down after my shift, around 45 mins in traffic, often longer, and pick her up. This was before we lived together so we got to spend time together and then I would stay at hers for a bit before going home, so maybe a different situation.

You should be able to talk about this with your partner. You can ask, he can say yes or no. Neither is inherently wrong, as other people have said, it's a long trip for him. But there's nothing wrong with talking about it, maybe start by saying he's free to say no if he doesn't want to.

Before I started driving u DH would dive me everywhere he could.

Yes but why would you feel bad for asking? it’s your car too!
Yes, but it's his weekend! I don't think the car ownership is the problem, it's 4x1.5 hour round trips over two weekends (assume he both takes her and picks her up), just so that OP doesn't have to do four 2-hour journeys there and back.
Also, OP, I have to say I wouldn't want to spend five hours having to eat alone, go to the cinema etc. just so that you could get a lift to work. I'd rather be at home. On, y'know, my weekend.