DH has no friends 😞

[tigercub50]

This doesn’t seem to worry him but it worries me sometimes, not least because on some MN threads it crops up as a “ red flag”. He has had mates in the past, including when he was in the forces, but now there’s nobody. We are really struggling with DD’s behaviour & trying to get help - hugely stressful & DH has been at breaking point today, saying he’s not even sure if he loves her! I have my parents & some good friends ( although actually it is still incredibly tough because nobody really understands) but DH only has me. He’s one of 3 but there is a big age gap & he’s never been close to his siblings. He is quite shy & he’s self employed so doesn’t get to meet people through work much. Should I be concerned or leave him to sort himself out?

Another one here whose DH has hardly any friends. No red flag in any way, he's just shit at keeping in touch and so are they. Men are often super lazy about relationships. If they live down the road, see them at work/a hobby it's easy to keep a friendship going. Anything that involves protracted effort, like sending a text or setting a date to meet...no chance. My dad, brother etc are all the same. It's completely normal.

@NotUmbongoUnchained

You sound surprised in the way you ask about no big nights out or boys holidays like this is the norm?

Is it the norm?

If so, I'm knackered as I've not had a big night out since my stag do 14 years ago and that was only a curry with a few beers afterwards.

I've never had a boys holiday, ever.

Very difficult to have big nights our or boys holidays without friends.

Confuseddh if you genuinely do want to make friends there are ways and means, but i wonder if you and your dw actually want to?

Consider a thread of your own maybe.

Boo-fucking-hoo, ConfusedDH.

If you want to make friends, then put some fucking effort in instead of whinging on an internet forum for WOMEN.

@confusedDH

Very much the norm with all the men and women I know!

holy it’s for parents actual, women and men

No friends thing - not particularly worrying, people go through stages where they lose touch with contacts.

Not loving your DC - very worrying.

@HolyPieter

No need to be unpleasant.

If everyone applied your logic of "put some f*ing effort in instead of whinging on an internet forum", this forum would likely be massively depleted, as from what I can see, a large proportion of it is made up from people discussing their issues, problems and challenges, no?

Stimmy mine is the same. DP is lovely but is a bit a lot of a social recluse. She is quite happy in her own/families company.

People warned me about DP not having any friends but 5 years later, no major problems to report.

I'm female, 60's and have very few friends. This due to them moving abroad, passing away, a health issue of mine and one who has a mental health issue and has taken herself off.

I admit I am an introvert and happy in my own company, I would like to see and have more friends but there is nothing I can do if the people I know have other calls on their time, other priorities rather than meeting up with me.

My situation does not mean I am in any way strange or waving a red flag. Just that life is playing a part and people fall away as we age. Neither is it easy to make friends when others people have their own network of family/friendships which were formed decades ago.

atrocious - DH said that he wasn’t sure what he felt about DD but he had just had the day from hell with her & he has gone through months of her insulting him, ignoring him & at times physically attacking him. DH said he felt numb & hates the person he is becoming because of what’s happening. He does love her but I believe he has what’s known as “ compassion fatigue”. We are waiting for family therapy (DDP or DPP I can never remember which) which helps adopted children deal with their situation.

My DH doesn’t have many friends. Only a couple who know him well and refuse to let the friendship die. He doesn’t call, or meet up. He likes his own company, but if they call him and invite him he’s happy to go along. He isn’t socially outgoing in any way. He does work in a male dominated work environment and is around people all day and is well liked, but he doesn’t feel the need to actively pursue friendships. I’m the total opposite.

Thanks OP. That sounds extremely difficult and would test anybody.

I don’t think there is necessarily anything to worry about with the no friends thing - but is there anything about it that worries you, particularly? Does he says negative things about last friends, or claim to hate people in general etc?

Op I push Dh to do friend stuff. Not interested. Likes boats and building stuff. And me and ds. That's it. Oh, and truffles and his green egg. He's happy, I've tried to push it but he just likes being with us! (Which is a massive bloody burden on me but I'm not seeing red flags.)

People are so weird on the internet - having no friends is a huge red flag? For what exactly? Saying that with absolutely no context and background is so mean.

It’s funny because DH has social anxiety (and I’m pretty sure he has avoidant personality disorder stemming from childhood) and still has a group of core friends that make the effort to stay in touch with him because they genuinely care - the types of friends you can invite round or out. Conversely I would say I have better social skills but really don’t enjoy friendships as much or in the same way you do when you are at school and the few years after.

I don’t really have any friends like that anymore; I do have 2 good friends I stay in touch with and try to meet for dinner once a month but we all have families so it’s less impromptu and takes a lot of planning. I do talk to them frequently though and I get on with DHs friends. FWIW all the women in my family are similarly introverted and we’ve all talked about how are partners are our best friends and that’s just how I like spending my time. It’s not something that needs to be fixed/a character flaw!