What makes someone popular?

[Riotheparrott]

You know some people just have that thing? Everyone seems to love them and they just do things with ease! Why haven't I got that

Op, my observation is that people who are popular are actually quite shallow, fake, gossipy & 'know' a lot of people. They flit around like a social butterfly from coffee morning to coffee morning. They are ultimately superficial & selfish but as everyone seems to love everyone else's business those with the most connections/gossip seem to be the most popular. I have none of the above 'qualities'. I'm the last to know anything , don't bitch,genuine,reliable & sincere so therefore .. unpopular!

Being attractive but in a very non threatening way...don't know if anyone knows what I mean!

Confidence and friendliness without being overbearing.

Baffles me. I know someone who is a complete bitch but has oodles of friends.

I'd love to know why people who are pretty rude and unpleasant still seem to do well and are popular. When I was at work I remember a few people like this. I know if I'd said some of the stuff they did I'd have been hauled over the coals whereas they carried on blithely.

I think it varies at different stages in life but I think the following nearly always apply:

Being comfortable in their own skin
Being generally upbeat and cheerful
Having energy
Enjoyment of social events
CRUCIALLY - interest in other people, so remembering to ask one or two key questions about the other person's life

See I went to a wedding last week and most of the people i spoke to didn't ask one question they just talked about themselves

I think if a person is rude and unpleasant and is still popular, it is usually because people are sucking up for some reason. You get this a lot in work places and I've noticed that the Mum's with holiday homes abroad at schools, always seem popular - regardless of how nice they are!!!!!

I think "popular" qualities involve being comfortable in yourself, being able to talk to anyone & asking them positive questions and taking an interest in other people's lives.

Plus, having lots of hobbies, in various groups and clubs, have fun things to socially share with other people make then "jolly" to be around.

And not being materialistic and permanently negative.

What @MargoLovebutter said 🤭

I think there are two types of popular people.

The loud, life-and-soul types who say things like "I don't care who you are, I'll tell you to your face what I think of you" & seem to take pride in having characteristics that most people would find unpleasant. As they tend to be capable of being extremely spiteful about people they don't like, this explains their "popularity".

The other type (considerably rarer) are those who make you feel good about yourself when you're with them. They seem to genuinely like you, ask questions and then listen to (and later remember) your answers. You never hear them bitch about anyone else, they keep their promises, they're usually smiling when you see them & they don't take themselves too seriously. And, yes, as formerbabe says, they are generally physically attractive in a not too "obvious" way. (Looks do count for more than we like to admit).

I've known loads of the first type, but only two of the second. Most of us fall somewhere in between, I think....or can be both at different times.

Wish I know what that stupid face is for in the first post. It's an interesting question and one that psychologists have been studying for years.

my observation is that people who are popular are actually quite shallow, fake, gossipy & 'know' a lot of people

I completely disagree with this.

I have a friend who is very popular, and she is genuinely the nicest person ever. She’s friendly, happy, always smiling, always keen to be out and about, gets a round in, asks questions about you and is just basically a pleasure to be around.

She’s also very pretty without being threatening as a poster said upthread. She’s very girl next door in a Jennifer Aniston type way - in terms of being friendly and pretty all wrapped up together.

@ShirleyPhallus there is always one exception to the rule.

My husband is very popular. People love having him around.

This is how he does it

• He is genuinely interested in people.

• He asks a lot of questions and often make people go into the minutest detail about their breakfast!! People love talking about themselves so this goes down very well.
• He is not offended easily and if someone isn't interested in chatting to him (which does happen on occasion) he just moves on and doesn't give it a seconds thought.
• He goes out of his way for people in a way that makes me marvel at his thoughtfulness. If he hears someone is ill, struggling then he is the first to go over with a little present or a frozen dinner. (Usually a cook dinner because we don't have time to cook dinners for people!!)
• He lives by the mantra - Give a lot, expect a little

@BananaToffo I think the op may have used the face emoji to intimate a sense of disbelief. I personally am in favour of a good face emoji. 😆 They are open to interpretation and in some cases, can send people ( who don't find you popular) with nothing better to do ,off for hours ,googling what they think you may or may not have meant by your face emoji. In this case, and I'm
willing to stand corrected, I think the op is dismayed at the injustice of what they've seen and added the emoji to reflect an emotion. This is what they were designed for , rather than use an inordinate amount of txt describing how you feel. I share the op's dismay at how being 'popular' works .

No, I meant the first responder.

@BananaToffo ohh! Agreed! My bad! Apologies.

(Joking )

They are ultimately superficial & selfish but as everyone seems to love everyone else's business those with the most connections/gossip seem to be the most popular.

Goodness. That sounds a little bitter.

That’s not my experience at all.

I generally find that people are popular because they are nice. And fun.

Occasionally people are popular because they are talented or very attractive.

But usually, just because they are nice.

@BananaToffo 👍 ❤️

I definitely agree that there are two different kinds of “popular”.
The queen bee/alpha male type where they have status and everyone else seems to suck up to them because they are
intimidated by them. They usually have some form of power or influence so nobody wants to be on their bad side, but at the same time nobody truly likes them and if they lost the thing that makes them
“special” and gives them their perceived status they wouldn’t have anybody left.
And there are those which are genuinely lovely people who everybody loves. They are confident without being cocky, attractive without being vain or arrogant and they make everyone feel like they are their best friend. They are usually very laid back and go through life with a positive attitude towards everything.

@NonaGrey I'm am all of those positive things & more. That's why I responded to op. Bitter? No. Realistic, yes. My experience is that nice people don't win friends & influence people. That's not me being bitter, that's me being realistic & speaking as I find, after years of putting myself out there! You may have been blessed with reliable friends & great acquaintances, I haven't. Many others haven't been blessed with these saintly compassionate people either, despite their best efforts & wonder what it is you have do! Hence op post!

I think there are two types of popular people

Agree. At work the most popular tend to be the loud bitchy ones and it baffles me, too.