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Original poster

Pregnant but boyfriend wants an abortion

50 replies

Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 15:29

Hi girlie's

Long story short, I've two beautiful babies already. My both tubes are blocked that they found out in 2016, doctors letter stated that they were that severe I could be recommend for IVF. 2 months passed after the dye up my tubes and low and behold I was pregnant with my second child. So was referred back to the gyne and he said well you can't have a child if your tubes are blocked so we will need to do it again incase 1 has magically opened on its own ( same doctor who said I'd need ivf) little boy is 16 months old now so 2 years since I had the dye and I've just found out I'm pregnant again and the father wants an abortion 🙄 I don't mind keeping the babie but my problem is, if I have an abortion it will damage my tubes worse and the doctors won't help me get pregnant again if I have 1 because of my fertility record so I won't be able to have any in the future without ivf. I've no idea what to do. Im 29 with 2 already, didn't really want more, big wanted the option like every women, and I know after this I won't have anymore if I keep it or have an abortion so what ever the outcome it will be my last. I'm so confused in what to do 😒 he said he isn't ready to be a dad and I'm over here like ok well we will grant your wish and I won't be able to have children in the future. I'm so confused. I don't believe in abortions but I'm kinda put on the spot with him. Any advice at all would be appreciated 😚

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 17/08/2018 15:38

Why do you think having an abortion will damage your Fallopian tubes?

Also, do you mean that you wouldn't be eligible for IVF (or other assistance) due to having had an abortion? I'm not sure that's right.

And, none of that has anything to do with whether or not you should have an abortion. If you want to have the baby then that's your choice, and what your boyfriend says is not something that should override your own feelings.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/08/2018 15:49

sorry OP none of what you have said is true.
An abortion wont affect your tubes
You wont be turned down for ivf because you have had one!- IVF is not decided "morally".

The choice of having abortion is do you want the baby, are you happy to raise them without the father (as it seems he doesnt want to be part of it)?

Original poster
Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 15:50

Having an abortion can effect fertility in the future and mine is very minimum now already. I needs dye up my tubes to concieve the second time and thats when they found out my tubes was severely blocked but the dye must of opened abit hense why I've my son who's 16 months. I'm due for more dye up my tubes to check to see how managed to concieve him. But not once I ask for an abortion they will pull my records up and see i have fertility issues already so no they won't help me get pregnant again in the futute if that's what I wanted

OP posts:
Slimmingsnake · 17/08/2018 15:51

You don't belive in abortion...there is your answer...tell the dad to like it or lump it..your body your choice

Original poster
Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 15:52

Okay this has been mixed up. I never said I wouldn't be entitled to ivf of course I would, but I don't need ivf to conceive just dye up my tubes to try open it abit. So no in Scotland they won't help with that if I get an abortion and yes abortions do cause damage if you look it up you will see some of the effects

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 17/08/2018 15:54

You need to discuss this with whoever you see at the hospital. I think you've got a load of misinformation there.

I very much doubt you'd be denied fertility treatment in the future because you'd once had a termination.

Original poster
Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 15:54

I agree he had to like it or lumb it. I'm not together with the father of my other 2 and I've been doing it for 6 years old but the father is in the picture

OP posts:
Original poster
Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 15:55

Well this is what I'm hoping they'd of said but unfortunately that wasn't the case. Maybe 10 years down the line they would help again but in say 5 years then no they won't I've asked the doctor

OP posts:
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 17/08/2018 15:56

Literally bullshit of the bullshittiest bullshit stick.

QOD · 17/08/2018 15:57

Would you get nhs ivf if you already have 2 kids? You wouldn’t in England
Is he not the dad of the other two? And if you have two already and are pregnant then you surely don’t have low fertility

rainbowstardrops · 17/08/2018 15:58

Your partner isn't ready to be a dad ...... maybe a discussion about birth control should have happened then?

frenchfancy · 17/08/2018 15:59

The important part of your post is that you already have 2DC and your boyfriend tells you he isn't ready to be a Dad LTB then make up your own mind about whether you want another child

Original poster
Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 15:59

Whatanabsolutepenis....... Your username says it all, bullshit? I was under the impression this form was for advice not remarks like yours, so wind your neck in and float to a different form

OP posts:
Original poster
Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 16:00

QOD no it's the same in Scotland it would have to be funded personally which I don't mind

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 17/08/2018 16:01

Hmm.

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/08/2018 16:01

An abortion is not going to damage your Fallopian tubes. For starters nothing they do will touch your Fallopian tubes. Who has told you this?

Also having an abortion really isn't going to change how you are treated subsequently.

Original poster
Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 16:02

Raimbowstrawdrops.... Granted but after being told you'd need ivf to concieve would you go on birth control? I highly doubt it

OP posts:
Seniorschoolmum · 17/08/2018 16:02

OnlyFools is right on all counts OP.

And if you are in the UK, whether or not you have an abortion will not affect your eligibility for IVF.

Also, having managed three pregnancies before the age of 30, you don’t seem to need ivf to me.

If you want this baby, tell your boyfriend no, but don’t muddle your reasoning. The only reason you should have the new baby is if you want it and will love and care for it.

Original poster
Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 16:04

The doctor told me as on my record it states I'd need ivf to conceive so they are baffled how I managed to get pregnant and if I terminated it then I wouldn't get help in the future from the nhs

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/08/2018 16:06

The only risk an abortion carries is if you were to get an infection after the procedure and that was to subsequently spread, but the risk is absolutely tiny. You will be given antibiotics to reduce this risk even further.

Original poster
Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 16:06

Seniorschoolmum...... I agree she is right, I've no problem at all raising another alone and financially. I just don't want to be pressued into an abortion and then having problems in the future

OP posts:
PippaPepperpot · 17/08/2018 16:09

If you're so worried that you'll never have another baby then you need to think about keeping the baby and ditching the partner. You say in your op "I don't mind keeping the baby" which doesn't sound like someone who wants a baby.

You boyfriend wants you to have an abortion.

What do you want?

PippaPepperpot · 17/08/2018 16:11

I think there's a slight risk of scarring and problems relating to that if you have a surgical abortion, but the risks are low. Many, many women have gone on to have successful pregnancies following abortions.

However, if you're morally against abortion and concerns about complications then you don't have to consider it as an option at all.

Original poster
Siobhaintori · 17/08/2018 16:12

Pippapepperpot, I never thought I'd ever have another that's why I said ( I said I don't mind keeping the baby) I was told it wouldn't happen by a medical professional so it was the last thing on my mind. Yeah I suppose I agree, keep the babie and ditch the bloke if that's how he feels about it

OP posts:
TaMamaiSaChistinAgusSanOifig · 17/08/2018 16:12

I've raised two on my own and it's so hard. I'd call it a day for now. BIG BIG difference between two kids and no kids so to me, fertility worries wouldn't be that crucial. I'd worry more about the certainty of a comfortable life, in which you have some freedom to take up opportunity. A life that isn't just hardship, mundane routine and lack of freedom, opportunity and fun.

So, don't NOT have an abortion just because the father wants you to have one.