Pregnant but boyfriend wants an abortion

[Siobhaintori]

Hi girlie's

Long story short, I've two beautiful babies already. My both tubes are blocked that they found out in 2016, doctors letter stated that they were that severe I could be recommend for IVF. 2 months passed after the dye up my tubes and low and behold I was pregnant with my second child. So was referred back to the gyne and he said well you can't have a child if your tubes are blocked so we will need to do it again incase 1 has magically opened on its own ( same doctor who said I'd need ivf) little boy is 16 months old now so 2 years since I had the dye and I've just found out I'm pregnant again and the father wants an abortion 🙄 I don't mind keeping the babie but my problem is, if I have an abortion it will damage my tubes worse and the doctors won't help me get pregnant again if I have 1 because of my fertility record so I won't be able to have any in the future without ivf. I've no idea what to do. Im 29 with 2 already, didn't really want more, big wanted the option like every women, and I know after this I won't have anymore if I keep it or have an abortion so what ever the outcome it will be my last. I'm so confused in what to do 😒 he said he isn't ready to be a dad and I'm over here like ok well we will grant your wish and I won't be able to have children in the future. I'm so confused. I don't believe in abortions but I'm kinda put on the spot with him. Any advice at all would be appreciated 😚

I've been perfectly fine raising my 6 year old and 16 month, your right it's hard but worth it and I'm very much used to it now. I just hate when a bloke goes straight for abortion, why do they even do that? Shock..... Join the club

Having an abortion can effect fertility in the future

I don't think this is true. (Also, affect)

When your tubes are blocked already

If you’re 29 and have two children and potentially a third before you’re thirty, there will still be quite a few years in which you could become pregnant again. Whatever the difficulty is with your tubes, the reality is that you have conceived three times already.

Are you likely to want more children in the next ten years with maybe a different partner? If the current one doesn’t want to be a father, how does that work with the two you already have. Does their father have contact with them?

I think you need to sort out in your own mind whether you want to continue the relationship, whether you want to continue the pregnancy, whether you may or may not want other children in the future.
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You've said he doesn't want it, so what happens if you go ahead!? You'll be on your own. Can you cope financially, emotionally, physically? The alternative is (maybe) he'll stay. Hopefully it's early enough so that you can take a bit of time to think it over and decide, but no one can make the decision for you.

Is this a stealth anti abortion thread? Having a termination doesn't damage your fertility. That's literally nonsense. Have the baby if you want to have a baby. If you don't then don't. Use protection as you clearly don't actually need IVF (given that you've conceived naturally 3 times)

If you have 1 child conceived naturally you will not get ivf on the NHS. I can tell you this as a fact.

Not-so-stealth bullshit thread.

So suddenly you can punctuate and spell. Okaaay

If a couple have agreed that they both don’t want a baby and they accidentally conceive despite taking reasonable precautions then it’s hardly unreasonable for the man to “go straight to abortion” as a logical preferred option - unless his DP has made strong anti-abortion views clear in advance.

Right, the first thing you need to decide is if you want this baby, how far along are you?

Work out if you want to keep the baby, without this man in your life

Op I don't think you have a clear understanding of your fertility or what an abortion entails.
An abortion doesn't affect your Fallopian tubes. The dye isn't to open your Fallopian tubes, it's to examine them.

You would still be eligible for ivf funding after an abortion but as you already have 2 children you likely wouldn't be eligible due to that.

If you're happy to raise this third child as a single mother then go ahead with the pregnancy. If your boyfriend isn't ready to be a father then this relationship won't last anyway as you already have two children so where does he see it going if he doesn't want kids?

OP this thread doesn't make sense.

You, by your own admission would need to fund ivf yourself. No self funded ivf would refuse because you have previously had an abortion. Neither would it be refused on the nhs. Just because someone is not in a position to have a baby now, doesn't mean they aren't in 6 months or a year.

I don't see why you find it so annoying he went straight to abortion. You werent ttc, he didn't want a baby. His opinion isn't shocking.

Either you want the baby or not. All this extra worrying about it making you infertile or being refused help, isn't really relevant. Because it's not accurate information. It's so inaccurate you are starting to sound like someone just posting an anti abortion thread.

If you don't believe in abortions, why would even consider it? And why don't you agree with abortions?

I would also suggest you start using contraception. For someone with low fertility, you seem to be very fertile.

No offence OP but do you actually know what the tubes do- they aren’t affected by abortion

Also, they will not put dye in your tubes again to 'check how you conceived your son' they just won't. They don't care. HSGs cost quite a bit to perform and they won't do it just for a check.

Now you have two children you probably won't get much in the way of any fertility treatment now, abortion or not.

You say if you get an abortion you won’t get any help with conceiving in the future/ obviously a con for abortion in your eyes but then you also say you would be happy to self fund IVF so what would it matter if you weren’t eligible for any help after having a termination?

As others have said with two living children it’s very unlike you you would be eligible anyway. And of course they’re not going to use the resources to do the dye again to check how your child was conceived 🤦‍♀️
This thread is seriously odd.

Bottom line is, do YOU want an abortion. What your partner wants really doesn’t matter tbh.

girlie's

Really?

Quite, BIWI.

Antagonistic from the outset. And people are still falling for it.

Anyone who says he "isn't ready to be a father" when you already have 2 kids is someone you need to stay away from tbh. The choice is yours but the boyfriend sounds like someone who won't look after you or the kids you already have, let alone another one. I'd ditch him either way tbh. You need to be with someone who is ready to face parenthood, since there is no choice when you already have kids. He can't just opt out of it forever.

I agree a stealth anti-abortion thread. Random waffle punctuated by deliberate lies (abortion affecting fallopian tunes).

Why can you not just be happy with the two children you already have?

Whatever you decide, I would recommend getting some good contraception sorted. For someone with fertility issues, you're pretty fertile. Your youngest baby is 16 months old, and you're already pregnant again. With your third.

This is the tip off that having unprotected sex (especially with someone who doesn't want to be a parent) isn't a good idea.

Unprotected sex is likely to result in a pregnancy.

If you have conceived three times in six years you don’t have fertility problems.

@generichamster

“Also, they will not put dye in your tubes again to 'check how you conceived your son' they just won't. They don't care. HSGs cost quite a bit to perform and they won't do it just for a check.”

Yes this. I’m in Scotland and it took a lot of work to get one HSG after 2 years TTC so no way you’ll just get one for the sake of checking.

Also they will check you aren't pregnant before a HSG as it can cause miscarriage