Best work life balance with little children?

[Blackmagic01]

Dp in a reasonably good job, as am I but since having ds I have been part time.

When I go back from my second mat leave, I have the option to go back full time or remain part time.

We wouldn’t see much of the extra cash as it would go on childcare. But Sometimes I think I miss out a lot being part time, not eligible for promotion etc. I have seen (usually men) who have worked in the area for half the length of time I have get promotion after promotion), while I am stuck because of my part time hours and working pattern. I would probably always have the opportunity to switch to full time if we desperately needed the extra money (say dp lost his job), so I don’t need to go full time ‘just in case’ if you see what I mean.

I’m just wondering what others thoughts are and what works for them and their family.
I certainly would be upset at the thought of missing my dc for so many hours per week.
But I also see the point that women who remain full time don’t have their career impacted in such a big way as those who reduce hours or take years out altogether. It’s a difficult decision.

Please no huge debate between working mum/stay at home mum and who is right. I don’t think anyone is right, it’s just different perspectives and everyone’s role is valuable.

I am in exactly the same position op - except it would be hard for me to go full time in my current role. I like working it's frustrating having no career but equally I don't want too work full time I don't think so I accept that is the choice i have made. It is a good balance and I don't think anything would be perfect. I might look at full time again in a couple of years though.

I went back to work fulltime when DS was 6 months old. He's just turned 4. I believe a lot of my mental health issues have been affected by working fulltime and not having time with him, or to myself.

I've now changed my hours and dropped a day a week. So far it feels like it is benefiting us all - I start later so no rushing around in the morning. DH often has a meal prepped and ready to cook/serve so doesn't have to do this when he gets in (He gets in before me) and we have a much better evening the three of us, even if I am home 30 minutes later. DS will be starting school in Sept and I will look foward to dropping him off and collecting him on a Friday whilst having had some hours to myself.

Three days a week is a good balance. You're in work for more than half the working week but home for more than half the week in total if you see what I mean.

I’ve been full time since my DD was 11 months, she is 2.9 now and I’ve just accepted a job working 3 days a week. Full time is too much for me, everything is crammed into the weekend and i feel like I don’t do well at anything because I’m pulled in too many directions. Fortunately there will be the option in years to come to go back full time if I wanted to but right now whilst she is small I want as much time with her as I can.

Thanks really interesting.
It’s a tricky situation isn’t it because whilst I feel like I’d miss dc and they would miss me, there is no doubt about it that once dc come along and if you reduce hours, career prospects take a remarkably downward dive.

But I can totally see how trying to fit everything in could really impact on mental health also.

I was lucky in some respects that I was offered a job in bookkeeping when dd was 10 months old so I did that from home for 3 years then started one day a week our of home when she was at nursery and increased to two days when my youngest started nursery and have built up to 4 days. I think 3 days was the right amount and am going to drop one day soon as I never have enough time to do everything and dh earns a lot now.

Oh but I forgot to say I hate my job and just do it to fit around the kids.

4 days was a good balance for me. I was lucky in that my mil looked after them one day a week so in terms of paid for childcare I only paid for 3 days. The dc got a mix of family/nursery as well that way.

The other benefit was that when my dc got to school age, I worked out that doing 9-2:30 every day roughly equated to the same hours I was doing over 4 days, so I asked if I could change to that pattern and I've never looked back since! Means I pick my kids up from school every day. Yes I now work every day (but they are at school now anyway).

Oh and meant to add that whilst I'm not super-ambitious career-wise, I have definitely benefitted from staying in my career. Have had a couple of pay rises I wouldn't have otherwise got and we are much more financially comfortable now as a result - because now we finally have no childcare to pay for! (Apart from breakfast clubs)

I’m FT and would hate being PT...but I have moved from a 50++ hours a week role to be in house where I leave after 5pm about five times a year.

For us the only SAHP we considered was DH because of our respective personalities (I struggled with maternity leave after about 9 months). I have occasionally found I take a random day off and am hugely frustrated with DH by the time he gets home and I get far less admin done as I need to be in full time DC mode all day and I can’t bear the idea of it after they’re in bed (when I usually potter around doing things like an online shop).

I hate the assumption that I would be happier PT (nobody who knows me as a person has ever even hinted at it...but an amazing number of people who have met me once seem to assume it...taken together that suggests I’m an outlier). We also have amazing childcare in place and my DH genuinely doesn’t expect me to do more than him and we work well around each other.

Horses for courses...if you went FT and were promoted though presumably you’d suddenly be ‘up’ against childcare?

I went back full time after both DC. DD was 8 months when I went back already 4.5 months' pregnant. I went back again full time when DS was 5 months.

I worked away for 11 months from when DD was 3.3 and DS 2.2 and was away for 3 nights but condensed 5 into 4 and had Monday's off. I'm now in a different job and have been condensing 5 into 4 for the last 3 months after doing 8 months as standard full time.

I like it. It doesn't impact on my day too much and I get the extra day off, but keep full time money. A second day off, so going part time, would be nice. But it's not affordable yet!

Me and my husband are out of the house roughly 6am till 7pm, Monday - Thursday. We don’t see our kids at all those days unless hey are still awake when we get home. We have Fridays off together, but still send the kids to nursery that day as that it our day to spend time together and restore. The weekends are all about the kids and everything that they want to do. This balance works well for us. Wr have both done our bit as stay at home parents, he loved it, I absolutely hated it, but we both enjoy the lifestyle our combined incomes bring so we decide to work. Our children are very happy, we are very happy and we wouldn’t change a thing.

I love my job, I love my children. I work full time and my children who are almost 2 and 6 years old both enjoy nursery, childcare and school. I'm a teacher so cram in as much fun stuff in the holidays and I'm almost always there in the evenings for tea, bath, stories and bed. We make it work. There is no guilt. I'm happy, they are happy, husband is happy. It works for us

4 days a week worked perfectly for me. Full time responsibility with that extra day at home.

Bumblebee I probably would go full time in a heart beat if I could have term time only! But these jobs are so hard to come by (outside of education obviously).
I just have the standard 25 days holidays, which quickly gets swallowed up if childcare lets us down etc.

I do feel like I may start to be less reliable at work if pulled in all directions/trying to cover if dc are ill/childminder lets us down. But I can see that some people it’s worked great for!
I guess it’s just about accepting this way means I won’t progress for a few more years until I can commit to full time.
I suppose for whichever option there’s will always been positives and drawbacks.

If your career has taken a hit because of the children and home responsiboitiee so far, , isn’t it time for your husband to take his share? He can’t leave it all up to you, that’s not fair.

And if the children are sick or the childminder lets you down then HE has to be the one to take extra time off.

He can go part time and you can benefit from the chance to devote all your energy to work.

BTW the will never be that magic time when the children don’t need you at all and the fairies do all the housework and wifework and care for the elderly relatives and the hamster and you are free.

You need to make it happen, just like men do.

Well Rosemary I see your point but we agreed when I had ds that I would drop hours because this is what I wanted.
I think it probably still is what I want, it’s just a case of looking on the other side and the disadvantages sometimes.
Dp would never drop hours and I would never expect him to because he earns 20k more per year than me, his full time salary compared to mine (obviously even bigger discrepancy when I’m part time). It would cripple us financially.

I think some women must have housework fairies or perhaps I just missed the memo about how to be a domestic godess, Mary poppins and full time career woman at once

I did 4 long days a week after I had DD1, then dropped to 3 long days a week after I had DD2. That’s just right for me. But I’ve accepted I’ll never get promoted or be able to take up the travel opportunities I get offered - for the most part that suits me fine, but I like my job as it is & I’m not sure I want any extra responsibilities.

I hated working part time (3 day pw). For a long time 4 days a week worked well for me and didn’t impact my prospects. Would this be an option for you?

I think small children benefit from one or both of you being somewhat part time and flexible, if it is affordable. I understand you opted for the stay at home bit, but doesn’t make you solely responsible for it forever. Things like compressed hours can help. DH never cut his hours but he did negotiate work from home one day a week when he did school runs and made up the hours on other days. Meanwhile I worked annualised hours (short days, more in term time, less in holidays, which suited my job) across 4 or 5 days.

I'm going full time in a few weeks. DC are 3 and 6.

I currently work 30 hours in 3 days and I'm at college 9 to 5 on one of them. The extra day is 7.5 hours and I still have Friday off.

DH is going to work from home on the extra day. The eldest will go to breakfast club 4 days and the youngest is starting their free place so will be in nursery that morning.

I'm applying for jobs above my current level at the moment but we can manage to absorb the impact and my parents are happy to help if we're stuck. We also have a childminder who is brilliant and has so far never let us down in 5 years.

Me and my husband are out of the house roughly 6am till 7pm, Monday - Thursday. We don’t see our kids at all those days unless hey are still awake when we get home.
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Notumbongo* are you serious? You don't see your kids for 4 out of 7 days? That's really crap for your children. Money isn't everything, you will never get those years back!

NotUmbongo

Are you actually serious?
You and your DH don't see your children for 4 out of 7 days a week? That's really crap for your children! Money isn't everything and you will never get these years back!

After DS, I went back at 4 months and worked 4 days compressed full time hours which was ok but really long days. 5 yrs later, after second child, I went to 4 days (non compressed) which was better and then a couple of years ago moved to a management role (non teaching) in a school, term time only and it’s fab. Really is the best of both words. So full time during term time, so terms are mad but then long holidays and regular breaks which works so well. So, for me, term time only was the winner.