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Original poster

Advice as to how to proceed with this one

29 replies

Undercoverbanana · 15/08/2018 17:57

Over the last week it has become apparent that I am no longer the one in the office who is constantly belittled, criticised, spoken to like shit, sneered at and looked down upon.

They have a new victim. I found her crying her eyes out in a corner today.

Do I:

A). Breathe deep, ignore and keep my nut down, or
B) Stand up for the new victim and befriend her?

OP posts:
TrappedByATurtle · 15/08/2018 17:58

Would you have liked someone to befriend you?

Seriously, how is this even a question? Do the right thing. Then when they pick on the next person there's three of you.

Original poster
Undercoverbanana · 15/08/2018 18:01

Trapped - yes - that is my instinct, but I’m just wondering if it encourages open warfare or might even make it worse for the latest victim.

OP posts:
JoeGoldbergsMug · 15/08/2018 18:03

Do you have an HR department?

Jelly67 · 15/08/2018 18:04

Sorry you went through this OP. Sounds like an awful place to work! I can see how it would be hard for you to stand up to them but please don't let them take another victim! Befriend the new person and also can you talk to HR department about it?

ClickHip · 15/08/2018 18:06

Do you have a union?

pinkyredrose · 15/08/2018 18:06

Who is the bully?

MeanTangerine · 15/08/2018 18:07

Maybe the two of you can form a faction that stands in opposition to all belittling, criticism, sneering and looking down on. You may find others in the office want to join you. (You will have to forgive erstwhile belittlers to avoid becoming just a second bitchy clique though)

bluemoonchances · 15/08/2018 18:07

I'd befriend the new person. It's the right thing to do. You have the opportunity to make a real positive impact on their emotional well being. I'm sorry you went through it too, but if they do turn back on you hopefully it'll be two of you against them.

QueenOfIce · 15/08/2018 18:08

Befriend her, you know what it feels like and bullies are weak individuals. I think it makes it harder for them to bully if the 2 of you stand together. Arsehole, I hope this person gets found out.

Original poster
Undercoverbanana · 15/08/2018 18:14

HR department - as much use as a chocolate fire guard.

Union rep - one of the bitches.

Bullies are the office bitches - sorry, I mean, colleagues. Long standing members of staff who brown-nose with bosses, name drop, refer to their immense importance in the world and eye roll when you don’t know about something that happened there 20 years ago (but also don’t bother to tell you either). They protect important info and keep it to themselves to make you inferior and then if you ask about it they sigh and look at each other and smirk. They have their own rules and never get pulled up for wearing jeans or trainers or eating at desks or having a chat, but if their victim takes more than 30 seconds to have a piss, they are in the office having a little chat with the bosses about you.

OP posts:
Lynne1Cat · 15/08/2018 18:15

Befriend her, then speak to management/union about the bullies

Lynne1Cat · 15/08/2018 18:16

Just read your last post. Bitches. I worked with bastards like that, too, years ago. Can you move to a different department? Get another job?

QueenOfIce · 15/08/2018 18:18

Keep a record of comments with dates and times. Are they senior to you?

Original poster
Undercoverbanana · 15/08/2018 18:19

Lynne - I am not in a strong enough place mentally to change jobs. Neither, I think, is the latest victim. They know this, of course, because that’s how they operate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Undercoverbanana · 15/08/2018 18:22

Queen - some are 1 grade senior, others the same grade.

For what purpose am I keeping that information? HR are shit. Union rep is one of them. Bosses love the bitch-set.

OP posts:
QueenOfIce · 15/08/2018 18:25

Is it possible to call them on their bitchy behaviour? I know it's difficult especially when you feel they'll close ranks. Is there an instigator?

SisterNotCisTerf · 15/08/2018 18:34

I’d break down in front of them all and manager if possible and tell them you can’t cope any more with the bullying and now they’ve started on another colleague it’s just too much and you need it all to stop. Make a scene. Shame the fuckers.

JacNaylor · 15/08/2018 18:45

Yes befriend her, talk it through and when she's ready go to HR or the boss together and report it.

Original poster
Undercoverbanana · 15/08/2018 18:45

I have retaliated in the past.

Told one, very firmly, not to “not talk to me like crap” - Hauled into the boss and told my behaviour was not acceptable.

Was pulled up by one for eating some carrot sticks. “Are you taking your lunch now then? What time did you go?” I replied that I was just grabbing a snack as my stomach was rumbling - got a bollocking for it. Within moments, same bitch was opening her lunchbox and eating crackers. Meanwhile, another colleague was troughing a pasta salad. I called them hypocrites and asked why there were different rules in the office. Reported to bosses for creating an unpleasant atmosphere.

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 15/08/2018 18:48

Was pulled up by one for eating some carrot sticks. “Are you taking your lunch now then? What time did you go?” I replied that I was just grabbing a snack as my stomach was rumbling

I wouldn’t even have responded to that, I’d have sat nibbling my carrots and looking at her like a bunny rabbit and pretended I couldn’t speak.

Original poster
Undercoverbanana · 15/08/2018 18:52

Sister - she’s one of the ones a grade above me. We are expected to fall at their feet.

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 15/08/2018 18:54

Be brave. Eat your carrots OP. Ignore cunty questions.

Original poster
Undercoverbanana · 15/08/2018 18:58

Sister - Seriously - that would cause a bloody shitstorm if I did that. That's what It’s like. I would be up in front of HR in a flash.

I wonder if it’s me? I obey rules that I see the point of: don’t park in an ambulance bay etc, but rules that are just power games bring out the worst in me.

One colleague wears jeans every day. I wore them once. Bollocking.

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 15/08/2018 19:02

You know you need to leave this job for your own sanity, don’t you?

AhAgain · 15/08/2018 19:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.